I'm new to this forum and hesitant to offer much in the way of personal info (mostly because it might come out in a flood of info I can't stop...) but for a year I've been dating a 50-something man who's had several (long-ago) head injuries -- at least one involving a skull fracture. The frontal-lobe injury is not visible due to his hairline, but via fingertip touch, the depression is severe enough to make me slightly queasy in a sympathetic way.
He has numerous issues (including, but certainly not limited to, inability to prioritize, time management, memory, speech) and is admittedly self-serving. Now that I've made him sound appalling, I will also say that he loves me to allllmost the point of obesession, and claims it's the first time he's felt this in his adult life.
Toward me, he's (worried to tears that I will call it quits) soft-spoken, optomistic, humorous, kind, solicitous, gentle, loving and protective.
WHEN he's on premises.
When he's not, his focus shifts to the most puzzlingly mundane tasks that suddenly take on the status of Most Important Thing In The World -- for instance, cleaning out his vehicle, taking a nap, making a bowl of soup....at a time he had stating he was coming to visit or would call. Or working late into the wee hours of the night on a menial task that could easily wait until another day/week/month/year. Like sorting items for donation. Even an appointment with third party seems to hold no sway....so I'm often making excuses to friends/family and professional connections for his frequent tardiness, no-shows and unanswered/unreturned calls. Because this has become so problematic to our relationship, he recently stated that he wants to get help (psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist) and suggested I find someone he can start seeing. I'm researching.
But...
I recently learned (from him) that he's married. And she's very ill. I know you're probably thinking THAT's why he's tardy or worse, but I honestly don't think so. I think he behaves this way with EVERYone in his life, from doctor to customers to wife (and everyone who came before her) -- AND that this behavior threatens his work relationships and has tainted every OTHER past relationship (siblings/children etc) as well.
For obvious reasons, trusting/believing in him has become suddenly very difficult for me. (I realize this circumstance might trigger some kneejerk reactions for you-the-reader, but please try not to be vicious -- just respond to my concern/question below instead -- I'm grappling enough with the shock of this recent news as it is....)
Even though I'm struggling to cope with...well, a lot frankly -- I can't help wondering whether post-TBI men in general tend to be serial cheaters. CAN they be trusted at all? Or is it an out-of-sight; out-of-mind TBI-induced scenario that can never be improved or corrected?
Does anyone have experience or thoughts on this?