Go Back   NeuroTalk Support Groups > >

Caregivers Support A place for people who are a caregiver to another to find help and support.

Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-21-2017, 01:41 PM   #1
Bradsgirl
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 2
Default Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?

I'm new to this forum and hesitant to offer much in the way of personal info (mostly because it might come out in a flood of info I can't stop...) but for a year I've been dating a 50-something man who's had several (long-ago) head injuries -- at least one involving a skull fracture. The frontal-lobe injury is not visible due to his hairline, but via fingertip touch, the depression is severe enough to make me slightly queasy in a sympathetic way.
He has numerous issues (including, but certainly not limited to, inability to prioritize, time management, memory, speech) and is admittedly self-serving. Now that I've made him sound appalling, I will also say that he loves me to allllmost the point of obesession, and claims it's the first time he's felt this in his adult life.
Toward me, he's (worried to tears that I will call it quits) soft-spoken, optomistic, humorous, kind, solicitous, gentle, loving and protective.
WHEN he's on premises.
When he's not, his focus shifts to the most puzzlingly mundane tasks that suddenly take on the status of Most Important Thing In The World -- for instance, cleaning out his vehicle, taking a nap, making a bowl of soup....at a time he had stating he was coming to visit or would call. Or working late into the wee hours of the night on a menial task that could easily wait until another day/week/month/year. Like sorting items for donation. Even an appointment with third party seems to hold no sway....so I'm often making excuses to friends/family and professional connections for his frequent tardiness, no-shows and unanswered/unreturned calls. Because this has become so problematic to our relationship, he recently stated that he wants to get help (psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist) and suggested I find someone he can start seeing. I'm researching.
But...
I recently learned (from him) that he's married. And she's very ill. I know you're probably thinking THAT's why he's tardy or worse, but I honestly don't think so. I think he behaves this way with EVERYone in his life, from doctor to customers to wife (and everyone who came before her) -- AND that this behavior threatens his work relationships and has tainted every OTHER past relationship (siblings/children etc) as well.
For obvious reasons, trusting/believing in him has become suddenly very difficult for me. (I realize this circumstance might trigger some kneejerk reactions for you-the-reader, but please try not to be vicious -- just respond to my concern/question below instead -- I'm grappling enough with the shock of this recent news as it is....)
Even though I'm struggling to cope with...well, a lot frankly -- I can't help wondering whether post-TBI men in general tend to be serial cheaters. CAN they be trusted at all? Or is it an out-of-sight; out-of-mind TBI-induced scenario that can never be improved or corrected?
Does anyone have experience or thoughts on this?
Bradsgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-11-2017, 07:50 AM   #2
kicker
Grand Magnate
 
kicker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 3,797
Default

I think you already answered your questions. Take a deep breathe now.
__________________
Kicker
PPMS, DXed 2002 Queen of Maryland
Wise Elder no matter what my count is.
kicker is offline   Reply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (05-11-2017)
Old 05-12-2017, 01:55 PM   #3
Bradsgirl
New Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 2
Default

Did I, Kicker? I missed it! Which part was my answer??
Bradsgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2017, 06:38 PM   #4
Jo*mar
Co-Administrator
Community Support Team
 
Jo*mar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 24,944
My Mood: Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?
Default

It may not be a TBI thing..maybe it is his base personality, maybe more so now after the injury..
Some never fully recover, some may use the injury as an excuse to get away with inconsiderate actions..hard for us to say for sure..
I think you know in your gut already, if this is the path you want for your future..

It's only been a year of dating, that is when you really begin to see the real person and how they are...
you can't change him or fix him.. so you need to think hard before putting in more time..
__________________
The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.

Last edited by Jo*mar; 05-12-2017 at 09:12 PM.
Jo*mar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2017, 11:56 AM   #5
Aarcyn
Senior Member
 
Aarcyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 1,770
Default

The part of your post that jumped out for me is that you just found out he is married. Are you ok with being a part of breaking marriage vows? If after a year you have only recently learned about his marriage, are you certain his wife is seriously ill? Who told you? The same person who withheld such essential information for a year? Does he have children? Are they ok with his decision to seek companionship outside of marriage?
Aarcyn is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
life, recently, relationship, suddenly, time

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Men in UK Tend to Drink More Often With Age NewsBot Health News Headlines 0 03-09-2015 07:20 AM
post concussion syndrome newcomer, something else going on? (long post) concussedGuy Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome 8 12-09-2013 01:45 AM
Is it Post Concussion Syndrome or Post Traumatic Migraines? kayseeah Traumatic Brain Injury and Post Concussion Syndrome 16 06-07-2011 03:23 PM
First (long) Post - Please help - is this Toxic PN??? Need opinions Kiwiboy Peripheral Neuropathy 17 10-27-2009 09:43 AM
New - Post Concussion Syndrome MargN New Member Introductions 6 08-24-2008 08:05 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:17 PM.
Brought to you by the fine folks who publish mental health and psychology information at Psych Central • Mental Health Forums

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment
provided by a qualified health care provider. Always consult your doctor before trying anything you read here.


Powered by vBulletin • Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimisation provided by DragonByte SEO v2.0.31 (Lite) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.

All posts copyright their original authors • Community Guidelines • Terms of Use • Privacy Policy