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Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?

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Old 04-21-2017, 01:41 PM   #1
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Default Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?

I'm new to this forum and hesitant to offer much in the way of personal info (mostly because it might come out in a flood of info I can't stop...) but for a year I've been dating a 50-something man who's had several (long-ago) head injuries -- at least one involving a skull fracture. The frontal-lobe injury is not visible due to his hairline, but via fingertip touch, the depression is severe enough to make me slightly queasy in a sympathetic way.
He has numerous issues (including, but certainly not limited to, inability to prioritize, time management, memory, speech) and is admittedly self-serving. Now that I've made him sound appalling, I will also say that he loves me to allllmost the point of obesession, and claims it's the first time he's felt this in his adult life.
Toward me, he's (worried to tears that I will call it quits) soft-spoken, optomistic, humorous, kind, solicitous, gentle, loving and protective.
WHEN he's on premises.
When he's not, his focus shifts to the most puzzlingly mundane tasks that suddenly take on the status of Most Important Thing In The World -- for instance, cleaning out his vehicle, taking a nap, making a bowl of soup....at a time he had stating he was coming to visit or would call. Or working late into the wee hours of the night on a menial task that could easily wait until another day/week/month/year. Like sorting items for donation. Even an appointment with third party seems to hold no sway....so I'm often making excuses to friends/family and professional connections for his frequent tardiness, no-shows and unanswered/unreturned calls. Because this has become so problematic to our relationship, he recently stated that he wants to get help (psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist) and suggested I find someone he can start seeing. I'm researching.
I recently learned (from him) that he's married. And she's very ill. I know you're probably thinking THAT's why he's tardy or worse, but I honestly don't think so. I think he behaves this way with EVERYone in his life, from doctor to customers to wife (and everyone who came before her) -- AND that this behavior threatens his work relationships and has tainted every OTHER past relationship (siblings/children etc) as well.
For obvious reasons, trusting/believing in him has become suddenly very difficult for me. (I realize this circumstance might trigger some kneejerk reactions for you-the-reader, but please try not to be vicious -- just respond to my concern/question below instead -- I'm grappling enough with the shock of this recent news as it is....)
Even though I'm struggling to cope with...well, a lot frankly -- I can't help wondering whether post-TBI men in general tend to be serial cheaters. CAN they be trusted at all? Or is it an out-of-sight; out-of-mind TBI-induced scenario that can never be improved or corrected?
Does anyone have experience or thoughts on this?
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Old 05-11-2017, 07:50 AM   #2
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I think you already answered your questions. Take a deep breathe now.
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"Thanks for this!" says:
ger715 (05-11-2017)
Old 05-12-2017, 01:55 PM   #3
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Did I, Kicker? I missed it! Which part was my answer??
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Old 05-12-2017, 06:38 PM   #4
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My Mood: Opinions -->do post-TBI Syndrome men tend toward unfaithfulness?

It may not be a TBI thing..maybe it is his base personality, maybe more so now after the injury..
Some never fully recover, some may use the injury as an excuse to get away with inconsiderate actions..hard for us to say for sure..
I think you know in your gut already, if this is the path you want for your future..

It's only been a year of dating, that is when you really begin to see the real person and how they are...
you can't change him or fix him.. so you need to think hard before putting in more time..
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Last edited by Jo*mar; 05-12-2017 at 09:12 PM.
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Old 08-07-2017, 11:56 AM   #5
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The part of your post that jumped out for me is that you just found out he is married. Are you ok with being a part of breaking marriage vows? If after a year you have only recently learned about his marriage, are you certain his wife is seriously ill? Who told you? The same person who withheld such essential information for a year? Does he have children? Are they ok with his decision to seek companionship outside of marriage?
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