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dad's waning independence

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Old 06-11-2009, 06:00 PM   #1
tied
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Default dad's waning independence

dad is grabbing ahold of what remains of his independence.

in about a week he plans to jump in the car and drive from california to texas. he has probably not told his doctor so she probably will not get a chance to talk him out of it. he won't listen to his kids and refuses to make use of the nonrefundable plane ticket BIL bought him.

this is not really new, he keeps on doing things like this. i just have to hope he makes it all right. on his last trip from texas to california he fell asleep at the wheel several times but did not crash. it seems he will not learn from his mistakes nor even remember them sometimes.

in a late breaking development, he is sharing the driving with my alcoholic cousin, who dad has never seen unless he is holding a beer.
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:17 PM   #2
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Hi tied,
You must be very concerned.

This might sound weird but I guess it's something I could see myself wanting to do in years to come. Not that I'd actually do it but I'd probably "like" to do it, but not if I was a danger to myself or other people on the road. It's a bit like role-reversal where instead of waiting up all night for the children to get home safely or wondering what they're up to, you're worrying about whether your father will arrive safely.
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:37 PM   #3
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No words of advice, just know we're here. My mom doesn't drive but thinks she can. She keeps making comments about getting a car when she is seizure free for 8 months. That's fine, people do it all the time right? Not in this case, she can't even remember what happened yesterday.
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Old 07-02-2009, 05:43 PM   #4
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Default dad's in texas

bil talked dad into using the ticket (the nonrefundable one) that he already bought for him. dad made it safely. we are settling into life together. lots of arguments, i think he just likes to argue.

i am so tired. been unpacking boxes steadily. dad packed up a lot of stuff himself, then he didn't know where anything was when it got here. forging through it. the mover was nominated for sainthood.
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Old 12-21-2009, 12:21 AM   #5
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Put yourself in his place. Do you want to give up your independence?
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Old 12-26-2009, 11:27 PM   #6
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Default snapped today mad at everyone no sleep

each time i try to do something for me there are about 10 interruptions. for example today the handyman installing our bathtub (we've gone without 3 days so far) moaned that he was having trouble doing something without the ladder. i stopped what i was doing and told him where it was. suddenly it clicked that dad would stumble out in the dark and get it for him (i anm psychic i guess). i dropped my hammer and screwdriver and ran out to help him. dad can't balance in the dark and i was totally paranoid that he would fall and break something. something in me just snapped and i scared everyone ******** (surely caused by lack of sleep) and totally upset dad. it took me 20 minutes just to find the hammer and screwdriver again. the deal of putting yourself in the other mans mocassins is good advice but doesn't change my paranoia or how i feel when i see dad take risks. i would say i have more understanding for my dad than you would think, since i feel like an 80 yr old in a 50 yr old body. in fact i act like him by trying to do more than i can cope with. if i do not repair my bedroom i will soon be sick from the drafts getting in. dad has a cozy warm one and i made sure he was taken care of before me. he just tries to do the same for me. it would be sweet if not for the dark cloud over my head.

i am all for independence. when i was deprived of my drivers licence my life was like a train out of control. so i can understand dad's fears, having experienced it personally. dad is fine driving on short trips. thanks for small favors.
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Old 11-22-2010, 11:24 AM   #7
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I'm really glad your dad decided to take the plane instead of driving. In my experience, sometimes all the other person wants to do is fight. That way they feel like they have their independence because they are negotiating their trip instead of just being told what to do. But the fights can be really tiring. I'm also all for independence, but not at the sake of anyone's safety. That's my line.
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Old 01-01-2012, 07:43 AM   #8
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How do you feel about Herbs? If .. you are totally new to this subject read, "Left for Dead." Did your Dad's problems start when he went on a new medication and is he still on it? The side effects from well advertised prescription drugs will either kill you or mess you up most of the time.

Don't Panic .. It's Organic? My wife went on Aricept and immediately had two heart attacks .. I took her off Aricept after reading on the Net what the side effects were. On residuals .. she threw four more over the next two years but we didn't even go into ER. She was then and now on Chili Pepper at $7.00 a pound .. I bought a $10 size "0" gel cap machine and several thousand "0" gel caps and we roll our own. The name is Capsicum .. the hot stuff in the pepper.

Was it a fluke? Well, you decide! Her sleep apnea took a hike, her small blood vessels that the nurses could not find to start I.V.'s suddenly were normal, she stayed pink not purple while I .. a cowboy Texas/Idaho read her pulse and slapped her chest if she "tried to go" She threw two "you ought to be dead .. occlusions to the heart lungs .. but isn't it funny, her blood oxygen stayed in the normal range .. 92 to 97 .. she walked into ER .. no life flight .. it took the hospital eight hours of tests and they released her and a new doc .. lady, said wait just a minute I want to run a 16 lead EKG .. they only ran an 8 .. found two clots .. occlusions if large enough .. one in the lungs and one in the leg .. but her veins were so flexible her blood was squirting past them.

Her thrombosis of the brain two months ago .. no swelling and the clot had already dissolved by the time they figured out to do a CT scan .. she was only in the hospital five days .. her brother in law was just in the hospital two months for the same thing.

I told the doctor it was the capsicum .. he said it couldn't be, herbs are weak and ineffective. I told him .. YOU TAKE LIFE FLIGHT .. WE WILL TAKE HERBS!
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Old 08-27-2013, 09:37 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tied View Post
dad is grabbing ahold of what remains of his independence.

in about a week he plans to jump in the car and drive from california to texas. he has probably not told his doctor so she probably will not get a chance to talk him out of it. he won't listen to his kids and refuses to make use of the nonrefundable plane ticket BIL bought him.

this is not really new, he keeps on doing things like this. i just have to hope he makes it all right. on his last trip from texas to california he fell asleep at the wheel several times but did not crash. it seems he will not learn from his mistakes nor even remember them sometimes.

in a late breaking development, he is sharing the driving with my alcoholic cousin, who dad has never seen unless he is holding a beer.
I understand about independence. My mother-in-law fell and broke her hip and after she recovered she insisted she could drive and yep she sure could. She had a car accident first this going down the wrong way on a highway!!!
So I do understand your worries. Your Dad has to understand it's not just about him. It's everyone else on the same road as him. I know it is so hard for them to give up their independence. It's a fragile subject. But it effects the whole family not just Dad. Pray for you Dad if you are a praying person. I will pray for all of you. Hugs to you. Blossom25
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Old 11-14-2015, 03:58 PM   #10
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I have become more comfortable around Dad. Turns out we just needed more time to adjust to this thing. Curing my cancer helped too. He is really a joy compared to most elderly and we can't stop him from driving, so we just jump up and offer to drive him. This worked well and now he has exchanged his licence for an ID card. He is a real dear and we love him madly. We are so lucky to still have him.
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