each time i try to do something for me there are about 10 interruptions. for example today the handyman installing our bathtub (we've gone without 3 days so far) moaned that he was having trouble doing something without the ladder. i stopped what i was doing and told him where it was. suddenly it clicked that dad would stumble out in the dark and get it for him (i anm psychic i guess). i dropped my hammer and screwdriver and ran out to help him. dad can't balance in the dark and i was totally paranoid that he would fall and break something. something in me just snapped and i scared everyone ******** (surely caused by lack of sleep) and totally upset dad. it took me 20 minutes just to find the hammer and screwdriver again. the deal of putting yourself in the other mans mocassins is good advice but doesn't change my paranoia or how i feel when i see dad take risks. i would say i have more understanding for my dad than you would think, since i feel like an 80 yr old in a 50 yr old body. in fact i act like him by trying to do more than i can cope with. if i do not repair my bedroom i will soon be sick from the drafts getting in. dad has a cozy warm one and i made sure he was taken care of before me. he just tries to do the same for me. it would be sweet if not for the dark cloud over my head.

i am all for independence. when i was deprived of my drivers licence my life was like a train out of control. so i can understand dad's fears, having experienced it personally. dad is fine driving on short trips. thanks for small favors.