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Old 09-24-2015, 05:50 PM   #1
Kanna
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Heart Greetings ~ Advice needed

My boyfriend of almost 2 years has mild CP. He is able to walk, though he falls often. His intellect is fully intact. He is actually quite intelligent. He is a licensed minister and went to christian college for a bachelor's degree in computer science with an emphasis in programming.

We are going to get married as soon as we can afford to be on our own. Do any of you have advice for me?

I love him and push him to do everything that he can on his own. I don't let him slide and take advantage of others because it is important to his mental health to be as independent as possible. I also encourage him to try new things. He has found out that he can do way more than he originally thought.

His mom did a good job of pushing him when he was growing up. Now, that he is a man in his 40s, she is babying him and not requiring him to do much. This is to the point that she is doing his laundry, washing his dishes, cooking for him, and buying things that he can afford to get on his own. She doesn't just help him, she just does everything for him and gets mad when he reverts to acting like a kid. He's only responding to the way she is treating him and it has caused him to develop a very selfish way of life.
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Yes, my name is Kanna.
It is pronounced like Donna but with a K instead of a D.

Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE because even the word says: I'M POSSIBLE!!!!

I love my family and friends, they help me stay sane!
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Hockey (09-24-2015), kiwi33 (09-26-2015), Wiix (09-24-2015)
Old 09-24-2015, 06:49 PM   #2
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How close will you be living to your mother-in-law, after you're married?

A lot of mom's baby their sons, disabled or not. There may have been an uptake in this coddling because, with your wedding approaching, she feels it's her last chance to mother him.

There's an old expression, "A daughter's a daughter all her life. A son's only a son until he takes a wife."
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Old 09-24-2015, 06:50 PM   #3
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Oh, and welcome to NT.
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Old 09-24-2015, 07:53 PM   #4
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This may or may not be of any help but here goes.

I had a girlfriend years ago who had CP. She did everything I did physically even was married and had 2 babies. I was with her during her last pregnancy and recall her hanging onto a pole with both hands as her husband tried to pry her off to go to the hospital to deliver her second baby. She was a fighter. She was well into labour by the time he got her off that pole and off to the hospital, just in the nick of time.

I'll never forget that.
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Old 09-25-2015, 04:27 PM   #5
Kanna
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Yeah, Daniel is a tough cookie too. There are times that he pushes it too far but I let him give it all a try so he can push to see where his limits really are. We are going to be about 30 miles away from his mom if we get to live where we want to.
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Yes, my name is Kanna.
It is pronounced like Donna but with a K instead of a D.

Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE because even the word says: I'M POSSIBLE!!!!

I love my family and friends, they help me stay sane!
.
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Old 09-26-2015, 10:06 AM   #6
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Kanna, I had a chat with my partner about this - for many years she was the boss psychologist of an organisation which supports people with CP.

Her general comment was that what you have described about the relationship between your BF and his mother is not uncommon.

She went on to say that, assuming that his physical health issues are being monitored, she knows of many adults with CP who have happy relationships with people who don't have CP, though she did suggest that you and your BF work out how to set firm relationship boundaries between him and his mother (this may not be easy).

I wish you and your BF every happiness.
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Old 09-26-2015, 01:16 PM   #7
Kanna
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Thank you so much for the expert advice! We have been talking about boundaries with both families. We are going to be living in the same region as our families but are going to try to keep a buffer of at least 10 miles from them. We have a great friend base in the small town that we are hoping to move to.

He is so excited this week because he is supposed to have lunch about a job being a consultant for handicapped adaptability for a good sized company for their online sales, as well as their website. I have changed the way he dresses to something a little more traditional, bold and well fitting. I even got him some accessories that make him look like the hip geek that he is....black slacks, dress shoes that are like comfortable and nonslip, a cobalt blue dress shirt, a black bow tie, and suspenders in blue, kelly green, and black argyle. So cute, corporate and geeky!
__________________

.


Yes, my name is Kanna.
It is pronounced like Donna but with a K instead of a D.

Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE because even the word says: I'M POSSIBLE!!!!

I love my family and friends, they help me stay sane!
.
Kanna is offline   Reply With Quote
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