[gambles]

I thought I would post a new thread to make sure that everyone who was so incredibly supportive and gave me great advice, words of encouragement, and strength would see it.

Greg turned bright yellow on 12/7 (a week ago Thurs) From that point he deteriorated dramatically every time he woke up. My back held out until Sun around 5 AM when I ended up on the hall floor. Miraculously I was able to head off every migraine before they got out of control. I spent that Monday in bed, nearly hysterical because I couldn't get in to Greg. His sister and Brother in law were with him, but it was really tough emotionally. He was completely nonreponsive that day. He spoke his last words the night before - "I love you to me", which was very difficult to get out, and "cool" when I told him his San Diego Chargers had won their game that day.

We only got one hospice shift because the nurse I waited up for all Sunday night (the 3rd one they sent since I signed him up the previous Friday) said his vitals were strong and he didn't qualify for continuous care. In actuality he was in respiratory distress and in very bad shape, but that is another story.

Hospice did send out a social worker for me Monday who didn't leave until she had ordered all the equipment we needed and gotten him approved for constant care. The first shift started at 8 PM Monday night. By 10:30 PM when I was trying yet again to hobble out to see him, she was on her way back to get me. His pulse was dropping rapidly. When I got to his bedside, his heart rate went right back up and stayed up for another 6 hours!! The nurse was in total shock. He never went into a coma. There was one time he opened one eye, and I could see the sparkle in his eye and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could hear me.

As hard as I tried to help him let go, he never gave up. I couldn't even tell him the nurses were from hospice as he knew that meant no more attempts at chemo! Other than the one idiot nurse, hospice was wonderful - especially the social worker and the nurse on that one shift. They were outright angels.

I can never tell you all how much your responses to my other thread helped me. Once I posted that, the feeling of being totally alone and not having a clue what to expect eased up tremendously. I only hope that my replies on future threads are helpful to people also.

Greg is finally at peace. Now I have to work on finding some for myself until the day I get to go join him again. Most of the time it seems easier to stick my head in the sand and pretend this didn't really happen. I am very blessed to have had such an incredible husband.

Suzanne