Isn't it funny when you find things that you never knew you needed? Last week when the pain guy took away my last shred of hope by telling me I would never get better, all I could picture was a life of nothing but pain. I sobbed for hours. I dedicated a decade of my life to finding answers. Thousands of dollars, hours of testing and retesting. I saw a psychiatrist when they thought it was all in my head. I kept going to the hospital even though it was humiliating when word spread that I was just a drug seeker(I live in a very small town, word gets around real quick!) But I was determined. So over this past weekend I joined this group and my new best friend, doc, put me on the path of what my mystery pain could be. I put in hours of research because that's all I could do. I couldn't do anything because my pain was so bad, and they say not to dwell on it because it makes it worse, so I educated myself. After the biggest google search ever, I had my diagnosis: chronic myofascial pain stage 2. It was soooo spot on its like I could've written it myself. It even talked about things I had been experiencing that I didn't even know had to do with my pain. Just to have an actual name to my issue was a victory. It can be treated with pain killers(which I wasn't getting), physical therapy(done it many times), trigger injections(I already get them) or dry needling. Fancy talk for acupuncture I believe. So what next? In the article it talks about how people with chronic pain need support and people to actually listen and be there. As you all know, having pain all the bloody time beats you down, makes you angry, irritable, and affords you zero patience. I was tired of being all those things. Plus I have a two year old. Needing to be patient is at the top of the job requirement list! I had an appt with my dr today. I had every intention of shoving the 25 pg study in his face! It was my vendication! It was the proof I wasn't a crazy, lying, drug seeker! Victory was mine!!! But I didn't do it. Instead I told him thank you for the last 10 yrs but I was done. I told him I found what was wrong with me but if he didn't agree, I damn sure didn't want to know. There isn't anything he can do for me that an acupuncturist couldn't do. Over the last 7 days of hell I accidently did what I was supposed to. I totally changed my diet, I swim when I can, and I make myself be happy. Am I still in a ton of pain? Yes. But I hope to learn to control it. I've been able to identify some of the triggers that cause more pain so I try and avoid it. Is my son going to drive me nuts on occasion? Of course! Its what 2yr olds do! But I will learn to not have a short fuse. Essentially, when the pain guy took away my last bit of hope last week, it gave me what I never knew I needed. Peace. I'm done with angry. I'm going to do everything I can do to help myself, but I won't be afraid. As far as I'm concerned, I won the war. I got what I wanted, which was answers. I really feel like a huge weight has been taken off my chest and it feels great. I will learn to cope with my pain and how to one day, god willing, control it. I'm 30. Life is too short to spend it hiding. I will make myself be strong and wear a smile no matter how I feel.

I added some spacing for easier readability.. many of us have trouble tracking large areas of text...

Many heath conditions cause us to follow the emotional responses of the 5 stages of grief.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-st...d-grief/000617

You just graduated...congratulations.

There's graduation?

Thanks. Reading Fixmeup's OP, I was just going to mention the Kübler-Ross model as applied to chronic illness, then there it was...

stages of chronic illness

Personally I've had a hard time with that 'acceptance' stage. I'm there insofar as those things I need to do to cope, and handle the vicious cycle (see below) when it raises its ugly visage, but at the same time, not accepting -- not acquiescing -- is what keeps me going. Or maybe that's just a return to the Denial stage...

Don't know -- don't care. I'm sucking what marrow I can out of this life.

Another phenomenon helpful to be aware of is the Vicious Cycle, involving 2 or more of pain/stress, depression, & insomnia.

vicious cycle pain depression insomnia

Being aware of these things helps us understand what we are going through, that we are not alone -- because others go through it -- and they are natural things to go through.

Doc

So glad you have an answer. Yes, finding a special connection from someone here that helps and supports is amazing. So glad Doc came to your rescue. There are many people here that are amazing and some really hit a home run. Glad Doc was your home run. Doc has helped me too.