Hey there sweet girl

I'm right there with you on the guilt trip....and it is so emotionally and physically draining. When I was laid off after 26 years in Sept 2012 I had so many plans. Plans for the house, plans for the yard, plans to do things with my 6 grandchildren and finally, plans to go back to work. But that all came to a crashing halt. Hysterectomy, rare uterine cancer, 6 rounds of chemo and then the small fiber neuropathy monster. The guilt when going through chemo wasn't too bad. On good days I could actually do things and not suffer for it later. But that doesn't work with SFN. On the few good days I have I try to do things that need to get done in the house. I CANNOT believe my house looks like this ! And yes...I have people I can ask to help but just feel too guilty to do it. My kids and grandkids are good about popping in and out and taking out the trash or cleaning up the kitchen if needed and I so appreciate that. But that is not the cleaning I need done.

For years, I'm 51, I cooked a huge dinner every Sunday and had anywhere from 10 to 15 people at my house. I'm unable to do that anymore and it just tears me up inside. It was one of my great joys to see everyone eating and having a good time. Kids running in and out.

My mom, 83, had an addition build on to our house. It's a small apartment and I am thankful she is here. She says she does not know what she would do without me but I feel the same way about her. Sometimes she takes more care of me than I do her She comes everyday during the week and washes our clothes, makes up our bed and washes whatever dishes are in the sink.

My husband works a full schedule despite back problems and large fiber neuropathy. He's very little help around the house.

And grocery shopping......I just can't do it. I've tried and used the scooters but the next few days are h ell for me. I'm home 99% of the time. I only go out to dr's appointments. Every once in a blue moon I'll feel well enough to drive. Another few days in the bed or recliner. My daughter has been great about getting my groceries.

All I want to do is be able to grocery shop once a week, clean my house and cook dinner. Those are my goals right now but seem so far away. Which is depressing.

I'm just randomly typing...not even sure if it makes any sense but at least I feel better

Take care everyone and thanks so much for being here on this site.

Debi from Georgia

In no particular order...

1. You may disagree with this (and that's OK), but the guilt doesn't come from you; it comes from how/by whom you were raised. It's their hang-up; don't let it become yours, or your baggage.

2. If you were perfectly healthy, you'd still need help as you aged. Try to think of it like... life has moved some of that forward on some of us.
(Well, it sounded good when I thought of it... )

3. Don't be afraid to discuss it with your support network (spouse, family, close friends, here) but stop apologizing (THAT gets tedious). However, DON'T discuss health/medical issues at every social occassion. At the very least, don't bring it up. In casual situations, "How are you," is a figurative idiom. If you're not discussing/talking about it, you have nothing to excuse/apologize for.

4. Learn to not make promises you can't keep. The friends worth keeping will understand. Be aware that this can be a slippery slope. Invitations may dwindle for a time, but will return as you learn to cope with all this.

5. I agree with The Hippie that kids have big ears, but they also have compassion and understanding well beyond their years—greater than any adult.

6. Kübler-Ross as applied to Chronic Illness—Mourning the Loss of Good Health Learn it—and learn to recognize it for what it is (and isn't).

7. chronic illness guilt

That's enough for now.

LOL! Good luck on that one. You just never know...

Doc

you are walking in my shoes
thank you
everything you speak of is how my life is
you make perfect sense to this woman
whose passion in life
a table full on Sundays
everyone enjoying some good cooking
i think this is what pains me most
not to use a knife like i could
i so live like you
for to do what we both love
just sucks the life left in me
i am unable to do it anymore
my daughter comes and cooks once a week
loves doing it
love having her
you are Not alone
love
me

Oh how I miss the 13 to 15 people on Sundays.....BIG pot of chicken and dumplins, fried cornbread, deviled eggs and green beans !

Don't know if I'll ever get to do that again. But I trained my daughter right....she loves the big dinners and doesn't mind cooking them God Bless Her Wonderful Heart For That ! And your daughter too. We are blessed aren't we ?

I've had 2 good days. But I fear that's over....at least today...always have hope for tomorrow that it will be a good day.

I have a new symptom......my hands are going to sleep. I've read of others having that but I've been lucky enough not to have experienced it. Very annoying I have to say....sometimes also in my feet. But my feet have so many symptoms what's another one ?

Thank You Eva....stay strong

Debi from Georgia

You do the same
Yes blessed we are to have
our daughters do so well
doing a wonderful job keeping her
husband
And then again he has been around
when we had a beautiful home
he was fifteen coming around the house
This momma was always known in the neighborhood
Feeding then hot dogs hamburgers and an ice pop
But what is mostly missed are the big HUGE Sunday meals
I TRULEY miss the feeling of a good knife in my hand
miss cutting a whole chicken in no time
Here is something I had to master in my sick fathers mind
I had to peel a potato so thin you could see through it
As for onions I cried a lot lol
Jeez was he a crazy man
There was hell to pay if not done so
Why did I share this
Every time I peel a potato
I think of him and proceeded to peel
"And did it my way"
Lol
Keeping the faith
Be well and to your loved ones
Me