I've just got off the phone now, obviously not home yesterday. She answered, I said K it's Pam & please don't hang up. Her first words were I don't have time for this on a Sunday morning. I said I won't keep you long, I'm ringing to apologise for any hurt I've caused you, it's not been intentional. I don't expect you to forgive me, I just want you to know I'm sorry to have caused you angst. I loved your mother and we love the same people, yes I argued with your mam, but mam and I got on and mam knew I loved her. And it's important to me you know your brother still refers to you as his big sister. K said he thinks I've abandoned him and I haven't, we said a few more words and I said see it seems we can even agree on the same things. You should know DB has been sober for 2 years, she said that's good, Gi is just out if rehab and for me not to listen to the niece K. I said I haven't spoken with any of them and none know I'm making this call to you. It's all on me, obviously I did something to upset you and if I could take it back I would. I finished with saying, I don't expect us to ever be friends K, nor for you to forgive whatever it is you hold against me and I'll let you go. She thanked me for calling.

Jealousy has always consumed her, it is a sickness and she has allowed her thoughts to wallow in it. Up until I came on the scene she was hailed as the smart girl going places, then DB married me, university degree and somehow my name got mentioned in her mind more than hers. I did even say today, I have never tried to usurp you nor do I want to. I just want everyone to get on and I don't want me being used as the reason for people not talking with one another.

I cried as I spoke, but I made it clear, this is all on me, my choice to phone, my choice to say I don't expect forgiveness, and my choice for her to know I'm sorry to have ever hurt her.