Pam, Thank you for thinking of us at a time like this. I checked a little while not really expecting to see a post; but there you are..........As I have mentioned many times; "You are amazing".....Seems like you had the complete work done. The bone graft for fusion can be quite painful.

Praying.....


Gerry

The ketamine stopped this morning, with it came clarity of thought & severe back pain. They're struggling to control it. Feel awful, no adequate words to describe & added addition of a headache. Stomach hurts, spine hurts, hip hurts and right shoulder hurts.

Pam,
Hope you are up and about at the hospital with pain being held in check. When you feel up to it, would love an update.

Pray all is going as planned.
p.s.

Niggs posted more new poems. Please check them out . He really enjoyed your posts on his work.

Gerry

I've been up and out of bed into the corridor twice, have been the to loo a number of times for number ones and yesterday they gave me suppositories for number 2, PLUS 1 sachet of movicol the day before and 2 sachets of movicol yesterday morning. Needless to say after drinking the special nuclear fluid for the stomach scan within an hour, I had the urgent desire to hit the pan. I held on for grim life and avoided any acccidents -luckily!! Been for number 2 again this am, so all good on that front.

I am however feeling very down and anxious. Pastor came to talk with me to find out what was wrong and suddenly I blurted out it's almost 40 years to the day I had my first spine fusion and the orderly entered my room at 11.30pm and placed his penis on my pillow. I awoke and screamed and another orderly came in, they had a terrible fight, long story short, they both got the sack. But for me it was just brushed under the carpet.

The room I'm in is lovely, but it's at the end of the corridor, everyone stands outside my room ruffles through their papers and I'm constantly singing out who who is there. The nurses say I'm never sleeping and I need to sleep to heal. Pastor has rearranged the curtains, placing them on the left and I have a clear line of sight to anyone walking to my room or past it. It just came bubbling up out of nowhere, must have been the ketamine bringing the memory back.

Dr Harsha, General surgeon did a nuclear scan yesterday, he told me he had to cut through the multiple inscisional hernias to commence and to close use A1 mesh to help close the wound without need for further hernia surgery down the track. I will google A1 mesh, apparently it's natural and the blood cells intermingle with it and a permanent barrier formed. ...

Dr Narula has been, he has told me this morning he is very worried over the S1 fusion with pedicle screws & I have choices to make, never ever bend to tend to the dogs, cats food, water or ablutions, or the S1 which he couldn't get to will cause significant problems, it was too dangerous to get to it as I'd been under so long and my BP dropping very very low so had to finish up. Now that's going to be a convo with DB and a half....no bending at all, no bending to the dishwasher, to the front loader washer, can even put my shoes on, have to get resources to use. Luckily I have a few already.

Mum coming to see me today, the Pastor says I must talk with her about the event when I was 16, the pastor says I must so as to move on from holding against her, it's just 3 weeks later my brother beat me up, his future wife lied and said he didn't touch me and the said bikie who rescued me from him then raped me 4 hours later. Not sure this is the place to have that convo for her, particularly as I've just made peace again myself with her, can't see what is to be gained, but pastors says maybe it's mums chance to say she's sorry she didn't do more... decisions decisions.

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I've decided, I have nothing to gain by asking her other than to rehash old angst, but I see the Pastors point, mum may wish to say something...I'm not saying it outright, I may if there is a chance ask her if she recalls the kerfuffle over the orderlies being dismissed, if she says yes I will say why were they sacked. But it's not her fault that event happened & I don't hold her responsible for it, I can only say it's such a shame I was this frail little looking teenager with strawberry blonde hair, ripe for cretins to take advantage....

Post post edit, mums sister came as well, so I said nothing at all. And, tbh, I am glad she came, I can't put myself through all this again and again. I've accepted it happened, I have no idea how or what mum & dad said, perhaps they were the reason both were sacked. Just nothing to be gained by asking, so I'm not. We had a lovely visit and it was nice to see them both - NB got a temp of 38.3m nothing is ever easy xx

Pamela, it sounds to me that you have had a lot to process.

I think that your doctors are doing a good job in keeping you informed.

I am glad that the visit from your Mum and her sister was lovely.

As ever, you are in my thoughts.

Pam,
As I mentioned previously; you might want to check out Niggs (Nigel) poetry. Might add a nice smile to your day. He so enjoys hearing from those who have been touched by his poems.

Gerry

Temp now 38.9 & on its way down.... more bloods to be taken - food withheld (not hungry anyway), Clavicle Line to be removed with tip sent off for testing.

So only now they're worried where this temp is coming from. I've been telling them every day I'm throwing temps from 38.3 to 38.7 plus... This evening I was going through my daily routine of teeth chattering as I was so cold & today's new nurse said uhm hangon, is this happening a lot, as I'm asking her for my gloves to put on. I say Yes for the last few days every day, and long & short of it, it seems the panadol I'm requesting for my headache has been masking a possible infection somewhere. My gut has swelled from 84 cm to 85 then 95cm & today just now 97cm. General surgeon not happy not to have been told. But he doesn't come see me everyday, whereas the Neurosurgeon is in first thing every morning & I've been saying to him, I just feel worse each day, it's a malaise type feeling.

To get blood from my veins will be tough, they're putting heat packs onto my gloves, activating them for heat, so the veins will open as much as possible. The RSN has been summoned to take the blood... it never rains eh

My gut swelled another 2cm. Narula told Harsha to get on with it. Not 1st time I've spiked a temp. They've been a bit blase. The new nurse on tonight 1st night back from maternity said are you always shivering cold like this, I said at least once a day since the op. She disappeared came back & said I think you have an infection. They have to do more scans and take more bloods. I've had all these staff called back in to work. Snr radiological registrar, Snr radiographer, Snr registrar. I feel a bit guilty. Oh well, no one ever listens to me anyway...

Mum wrote and said Oh that is so awful for you. I can't believe they have taken so long to recognise you have an infection. Even I could see how pale you were with no colour in your lips, I said for you to ask for a FBC. I hope they get tests done ASAP. The last thing you need is complications. Let me know how you before you go to sleep ( if you can) Love you xxx so now in addition to my cousin who I was on the phone with when it all went sideways & DB & our lodger being upset & worried too. Hey ho, it's all ok I keep telling them, we've done this vefore we can do it again. We are competent surviving characters. Going to sign off my mind is playing funny tricks and words turning sideways

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My stomach really really really hurts