Hi everyone. I just wanted to say that I'm having a pleasant day. It is been a long time I've been able to say that when my kids aren't here or out with my friend. It's because of the information offered by CRPS. That has led me on a wonderful search that has educated me about what could possibly be going on in my mind my brain. Also from that I found and researched information about my migraines and found a possible reason why they have gotten so severe. This information has giving me some hope but not even just hope validation. Having that at least for this time has changed my outlook. And it's not that I'm not in pain I am in pain today but it hasn't been as severe as it was a few days ago. I was even able to get some things done that I've been needing to get done four days in weeks. I've also found a wonderful website about a breeding Trio of bald eagles on the Upper Mississippi. There are actually two males and one female that are raising three eaglets. Now to me I have a an associate's degree in biology and head once wanted to become a biology instructor. So this is really fascinating I've always been interested in Birds of Prey and but I have never gotten into bird watching. But this has a live cam and I get to watch the birds behavior and care for the chicks eaglets. It's really interesting to me and gives me something to look forward to. Just like posting on this forum gives me something to look forward to. Previously the only things I had to look forward to with seeing my children and getting my one meal of the day one primary meal of the day. So thank you to everyone who connects with me. And will check in later

So good to hear from you, adelina

I know what you are going through I used to have a life. Riding dirt bikes, playing sports, driving anywhere I wanted to go, working and Now I can’t do anything other than watching tv and watching my daughter. Because of 8 brain surgeries. I have no friends anymore because no one wants to come visit the guy that is disabled because he can’t drive and has seizures. I’m in constant pain that no doctors can figure out. And my crappy state insurance won’t cover anything that would let the doctors figure out what the cause is. I go to bed every night not knowing if I’m gonna wake up or not. I try every day to make the best out of it that I can. Because not knowing if I’m gonna be here tomorrow to see my 2 year old daughter again is a very scary thing


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Oh Pat you do understand! I feel your situation completely. I'm so sorry. And to have such a young child that has got to be so torturously wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Do you have a partner to help you take care of your child? I understand completely about the friends who don't want to be associated with somebody with a disability. I never have anything to contribute to conversations because I don't do anything and I'm always in pain. It must be a lot the same for you except you have seizures on top of that. That is such a heavy load to carry and I'm so sorry. And I understand about not being able to get help from the insurance companies. Mine has been okay but just okay. State Insurance is terrible. Have you proven that there are ways to improve your situation to them. Maybe if you do that you could petition and get more help? I really don't know how State Insurance Works only that it stinks. I thank you so much for your post please please please keep posting and talk to me. I am definitely the person who can empathize with you.

On another note I just wanted to mention that I started my menstrual cycle early yesterday. And I wondering how much of my depression severity had to do with PMS. I usually don't have any signs of PMS but the older I get I get them every once in awhile.

My pain got severe the day I talked about how pleasant my day was. It got severe in the evening after I done several things. Which were very minimal like watch washing my hair and making phone calls and doing some web searches. All the things that had needed to be done for weeks. The pain got to be about an 8. But I did not fall into the severe depression. Yesterday was a pretty rough day as well pain wise but I did not fall into the severe depression again. I don't know how much to contribute to the possibility of PMS or that that I just have a better attitude because of a possible logical physiological reason for my depression. Just wanted to throw that out there. And thank you to the all the people better connecting with this thread.

Yes I have my wife that helps out with our daughter. She works from home. Which is good because she can keep an eye on me Incase of a seizure. As far as the state insurance I’ve had my dr and myself call and write letters to the insurance company about what needs to be done to find out why I’m in so much pain. But they just tell me that the mri I need it not needed. Idk how they can decide that when there not doctors or the one in pain


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Oh Pat I am so sorry. That is unbelievably frustrating. I'm sure it also leaves you feeling quite hopeless. Maybe if you start a letter writing campaign or email campaign is they probably are now you can see if you can get some assistance from somewhere. Maybe even the hospital with the MRI machine. Or the Imaging Center. Maybe there's a charity? Maybe a grant? Maybe some sort of out of the way assistance program? Maybe a top doctor? Please don't give up. Please keep on trying. I know trust me I know the hardness to keep going and to keep trying it's pretty near hopeless. But I do also know that if you're able to achieve just one little thing it does make you feel better. And just maybe you can get some results and get your MRI. What about a teaching hospital or a university program? I don't know. I know how much that you don't even want to attempt things because most of the time nothing turns out and you have no initiative. I am so glad you have your wife. It is so wonderful that she is there for you all day. Please remember to always appreciate what you do have. Find the littlest things to be grateful for. It is super hard to do but once you make it a habit it is easier. It may Wax and Wane but gratitude does help. Much like energy and hopelessness we are up and down. I have found the talking on this site has helped me a lot. I mean a lot so maybe if you and I keep talking it will help you. I assume that I'm going to go back down. I am positive I will Pat. I am terrified of that. I hate that I get so emotionally unstable around my children. It only happens every few months that they are aware of my weakness. But it destroys me when it happens. Please talk openly with your partner. Also remember each other. I know that with my relationship we didn't focus on each other. All the focus was on my condition and the other we were achieving in our life and our children. We lost each other in the process. Well I hope you're having a better day. And keep in contact

I am so frustrated. I have had so much joy in the past week at being a little more inspired. I'm especially happy with posting on this site as well as visiting the Wild Eagle site I have spoke about previously. I have joined their special group and love learning about the Eagles and their special relationship. What's Got Me Down but not seriously not terrifyingly is that I have to navigate on my phone to visit the website. This causes extreme pain. So I spent probably an hour today visiting the site and holding my phone. Also searching for more information about them and corresponding with other members of the group. This has led just severe pain in my arms because I have to hold on to the phone and press buttons with my fingers. I use Voice Text nearly all the time to cut down on the time my fingers are moving. But I still have to tap quite a bit to move from various things. Now my arms are throbbing burning and tightening up. Which leads to the horrid pain I experienced. This depresses me because I cannot do anything. If I do anyting at all like spend sometime online I end up in pain. This is very disheartening as all I do is lie in bed and watch TV. I want to find things that make me happy but when I do I am in pain. It is an endless cycle of pain. This is when I become so hopeless because the fact is I can't do anything about it. I just don't know what to do. I want to change things in my life but my body restricts me. How do I improve my life.? I try and I lose.

Oh and the time was broken up. It was spread up out over about three and a half hours. Even this didn't work. Does anyone have any suggestions I'm how I can find some way to enjoy life without causing such pain...

Sorry I keep thinking. I have a genuine strong interest in learning things. It's very hard for me to learn right now and is getting worse. Attribute this to the medications I take as well as possibly the new idea that there's a cognitive problem Maybe. But anyways I work to learn about everything I think about. So I am always on my phone accessing the internet to learn about whatever comes to mind. I can't stop doing this as it would drive me insane to not have answers to my questions. Even watching TV send me to my phone. To learn about the movie I'm watching. Or perhaps a character mentioned something that brings up a curiosity for me. And all of this leads me to further pain. One of the fundamentally most important and largest parts of myself - the Quest for knowledge - I can't follow without severe pain. All right I just wanted to put that out there I don't know why it said that I'm just really down right now and have found that talking on this site relieves some of that psychological pain.