On another note I just wanted to mention that I started my menstrual cycle early yesterday. And I wondering how much of my depression severity had to do with PMS. I usually don't have any signs of PMS but the older I get I get them every once in awhile.

My pain got severe the day I talked about how pleasant my day was. It got severe in the evening after I done several things. Which were very minimal like watch washing my hair and making phone calls and doing some web searches. All the things that had needed to be done for weeks. The pain got to be about an 8. But I did not fall into the severe depression. Yesterday was a pretty rough day as well pain wise but I did not fall into the severe depression again. I don't know how much to contribute to the possibility of PMS or that that I just have a better attitude because of a possible logical physiological reason for my depression. Just wanted to throw that out there. And thank you to the all the people better connecting with this thread.

Yes I have my wife that helps out with our daughter. She works from home. Which is good because she can keep an eye on me Incase of a seizure. As far as the state insurance I’ve had my dr and myself call and write letters to the insurance company about what needs to be done to find out why I’m in so much pain. But they just tell me that the mri I need it not needed. Idk how they can decide that when there not doctors or the one in pain


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Oh Pat I am so sorry. That is unbelievably frustrating. I'm sure it also leaves you feeling quite hopeless. Maybe if you start a letter writing campaign or email campaign is they probably are now you can see if you can get some assistance from somewhere. Maybe even the hospital with the MRI machine. Or the Imaging Center. Maybe there's a charity? Maybe a grant? Maybe some sort of out of the way assistance program? Maybe a top doctor? Please don't give up. Please keep on trying. I know trust me I know the hardness to keep going and to keep trying it's pretty near hopeless. But I do also know that if you're able to achieve just one little thing it does make you feel better. And just maybe you can get some results and get your MRI. What about a teaching hospital or a university program? I don't know. I know how much that you don't even want to attempt things because most of the time nothing turns out and you have no initiative. I am so glad you have your wife. It is so wonderful that she is there for you all day. Please remember to always appreciate what you do have. Find the littlest things to be grateful for. It is super hard to do but once you make it a habit it is easier. It may Wax and Wane but gratitude does help. Much like energy and hopelessness we are up and down. I have found the talking on this site has helped me a lot. I mean a lot so maybe if you and I keep talking it will help you. I assume that I'm going to go back down. I am positive I will Pat. I am terrified of that. I hate that I get so emotionally unstable around my children. It only happens every few months that they are aware of my weakness. But it destroys me when it happens. Please talk openly with your partner. Also remember each other. I know that with my relationship we didn't focus on each other. All the focus was on my condition and the other we were achieving in our life and our children. We lost each other in the process. Well I hope you're having a better day. And keep in contact

I am so frustrated. I have had so much joy in the past week at being a little more inspired. I'm especially happy with posting on this site as well as visiting the Wild Eagle site I have spoke about previously. I have joined their special group and love learning about the Eagles and their special relationship. What's Got Me Down but not seriously not terrifyingly is that I have to navigate on my phone to visit the website. This causes extreme pain. So I spent probably an hour today visiting the site and holding my phone. Also searching for more information about them and corresponding with other members of the group. This has led just severe pain in my arms because I have to hold on to the phone and press buttons with my fingers. I use Voice Text nearly all the time to cut down on the time my fingers are moving. But I still have to tap quite a bit to move from various things. Now my arms are throbbing burning and tightening up. Which leads to the horrid pain I experienced. This depresses me because I cannot do anything. If I do anyting at all like spend sometime online I end up in pain. This is very disheartening as all I do is lie in bed and watch TV. I want to find things that make me happy but when I do I am in pain. It is an endless cycle of pain. This is when I become so hopeless because the fact is I can't do anything about it. I just don't know what to do. I want to change things in my life but my body restricts me. How do I improve my life.? I try and I lose.

Oh and the time was broken up. It was spread up out over about three and a half hours. Even this didn't work. Does anyone have any suggestions I'm how I can find some way to enjoy life without causing such pain...

Sorry I keep thinking. I have a genuine strong interest in learning things. It's very hard for me to learn right now and is getting worse. Attribute this to the medications I take as well as possibly the new idea that there's a cognitive problem Maybe. But anyways I work to learn about everything I think about. So I am always on my phone accessing the internet to learn about whatever comes to mind. I can't stop doing this as it would drive me insane to not have answers to my questions. Even watching TV send me to my phone. To learn about the movie I'm watching. Or perhaps a character mentioned something that brings up a curiosity for me. And all of this leads me to further pain. One of the fundamentally most important and largest parts of myself - the Quest for knowledge - I can't follow without severe pain. All right I just wanted to put that out there I don't know why it said that I'm just really down right now and have found that talking on this site relieves some of that psychological pain.