I've been thinking about 'death' alot lately.

There are so many venues to death.
To some, it's a tragic 'end'.
Other's battle longlasting terminal illnesses...
Some 'welcome' it as a relief from pain and a 'crossing over' to a new dimension....
The Suicide Forum is absolutely FULL of beautiful people who are gifted with the strength of being available here with a loving,caring,giving heart.....

Most of us 'know' the pain that death brings, in whichever form it came.

I lost my only brother to a terrible tragic head on car accident one Friday night in 2002. We were very VERY close. I've never spoke of it here before this. We both played guitar and were like unseperable 'twins' (only he was 2 yrs younger than me). The music in me 'died' along with my brother.
Sometimes, I still feel a slight stir within me that maybe I still have music....and that maybe I can resurrect some of the songs he had written and connect with his teenage daugher (8 yrs old when he died) and we can play his songs together......
The thing that still 'haunts' me, however
is that the circumstances surrounding his terrible tragic accident
were such that, he was struggling severely with some mental (and other) issues.
....to those of us close enough to him, there is the horrible unanswered question that we dare not face, but it is THERE.
.....did he perhaps purposely turn his steering wheel into that oncoming vehicle late that night? Was he in such anquish and at that moment in time, did that seem like a 'good way out'?
We will never know. Nor do we DARE want to think that.
......because the other driver died at that split second in time as well.

The last few songs he wrote....I could read between the lines....
..he didn't spell it out, per se, ..as in a 'suicide note'....
but his lyrics...were haunting and spoke a language that brings shear sorrow to the core of my heart. He was truly a hurting man.
The thing is, he 'covered' his pain with a sense of humor that even the best of stand-up commedians would strive to attain...
That was his way of 'not talking' about his anguish within.
He didn't want to 'bother' others with it, nor did he want to face it himself.

Suicide? Tragedy? Fate?

MY QUESTION IS THIS:
What do you 'say' to a dying person ?

My favorite Aunt will be passing thru my town (via ambulance transport) to get back to where she lives, so she can peacefully die at home.
She has battled a rare cancerous condition for the past year that has rendered her on the losing end of the stick.....
She will be placed on Hospice care for her last few days/weeks at home.
She is only 63.
She was always full of life and doing things for others.

My family has made arrangement to meet with the ambulance as they stop off to re-fuel before continuing on the interstate to get her to her final destination.
Please open your hearts and share with me what would YOU say....?
Talking about the weather wouldn't really matter
Asking about her travel in the ambulance doesn't seem to 'fit'.
Talking about 'future plans' is not the direction to go
Standing there crying and saying 'goodbye'.....?.... well, that's not what I would want to see if i were the one with numbered days....
Thanking her for all the cards she's sent.....seems ... futile ?

Until, my 'family' here (who truly know the heartache involved) share ...
I guess I'll just go with my heart. I'll try to put on a brave face, but if tears break thru, then what can I do? I'll certainly say 'I love you'....
I guess, I'll just hug her and look deep in her eyes and say.....
"see ya later".......

Rae

I'd say thank you...you know that you are my favorite Aunt and I'll miss you but will remember you always. And smile through those tears.

Alffe always knows what to say!

I think that's probably the kindest most appropriate thing anyone could say to someone they love and will miss. "Thank you" for being in my life and allowing me to be in yours.

Sometimes talking of memories - funny ones or even sad ones
- kind of continues the bond that is already there.

If it were me I think I'd like to hear of good times and good memories.

I would say: I love you and always will... see you soon

Hugs for you.

yes, thank you....

you've 'reinforced' what my heart was struggling with....

Just being simple.....
I guess smiling thru tearfilled eyes pretty much says it all.

I will do just that.
I 'knew' I could count on you all. You never cease to amaze me.....

BlueMajo yes, I like that.....'see you soon'

Thank you all
Rae

This post was very helpful to me. My mom and I are currently trying to decide if we should head down to Omaha where my great aunt is in the ICU. Just found out she has leukemia and heart problems, and don't imagine she will make it very long. My mom doesn't want me to have to travel that far since it is even hard to get out of bed... but we know that this may be the last time we see her.

And yet the journey should be made if at all possible. It is as though Cleo and I are sitting around contemplating the forthcoming birthday of my Dad. Being set upon by Alzheimers, in a way, we are grieving in anticipation as he seems to slip a little more each day. His decline seems precipitous, and we will go to see him and Mom at his birthday the middle of this month. A long journey and I have not done so for so long because of the pain, BUT getting to tell him I love him and maybe have him remember who I am for a moment is a good thing and a hoped for possibility.

We are going to go. We are going to share. May your journey be swift and safe, and may your visit be sweet, the time of sharing and laughter, tears though they may come, may they be well understood for love expressions, for that is what they are.

God go with you and your Mom, Sarah,
Mark56

Thanks, Mark. We weren't able to go yet as she is still in the ICU and cannot have visitors.. but she will be in the hospital for at least a month... she started chemo today.. so we are going to try to make the trip when she can have visitors and is strong enough for that... it will be painful for me, but worth it.