I've been thinking about 'death' alot lately.

There are so many venues to death.
To some, it's a tragic 'end'.
Other's battle longlasting terminal illnesses...
Some 'welcome' it as a relief from pain and a 'crossing over' to a new dimension....
The Suicide Forum is absolutely FULL of beautiful people who are gifted with the strength of being available here with a loving,caring,giving heart.....

Most of us 'know' the pain that death brings, in whichever form it came.

I lost my only brother to a terrible tragic head on car accident one Friday night in 2002. We were very VERY close. I've never spoke of it here before this. We both played guitar and were like unseperable 'twins' (only he was 2 yrs younger than me). The music in me 'died' along with my brother.
Sometimes, I still feel a slight stir within me that maybe I still have music....and that maybe I can resurrect some of the songs he had written and connect with his teenage daugher (8 yrs old when he died) and we can play his songs together......
The thing that still 'haunts' me, however
is that the circumstances surrounding his terrible tragic accident
were such that, he was struggling severely with some mental (and other) issues.
....to those of us close enough to him, there is the horrible unanswered question that we dare not face, but it is THERE.
.....did he perhaps purposely turn his steering wheel into that oncoming vehicle late that night? Was he in such anquish and at that moment in time, did that seem like a 'good way out'?
We will never know. Nor do we DARE want to think that.
......because the other driver died at that split second in time as well.

The last few songs he wrote....I could read between the lines....
..he didn't spell it out, per se, ..as in a 'suicide note'....
but his lyrics...were haunting and spoke a language that brings shear sorrow to the core of my heart. He was truly a hurting man.
The thing is, he 'covered' his pain with a sense of humor that even the best of stand-up commedians would strive to attain...
That was his way of 'not talking' about his anguish within.
He didn't want to 'bother' others with it, nor did he want to face it himself.

Suicide? Tragedy? Fate?

MY QUESTION IS THIS:
What do you 'say' to a dying person ?

My favorite Aunt will be passing thru my town (via ambulance transport) to get back to where she lives, so she can peacefully die at home.
She has battled a rare cancerous condition for the past year that has rendered her on the losing end of the stick.....
She will be placed on Hospice care for her last few days/weeks at home.
She is only 63.
She was always full of life and doing things for others.

My family has made arrangement to meet with the ambulance as they stop off to re-fuel before continuing on the interstate to get her to her final destination.
Please open your hearts and share with me what would YOU say....?
Talking about the weather wouldn't really matter
Asking about her travel in the ambulance doesn't seem to 'fit'.
Talking about 'future plans' is not the direction to go
Standing there crying and saying 'goodbye'.....?.... well, that's not what I would want to see if i were the one with numbered days....
Thanking her for all the cards she's sent.....seems ... futile ?

Until, my 'family' here (who truly know the heartache involved) share ...
I guess I'll just go with my heart. I'll try to put on a brave face, but if tears break thru, then what can I do? I'll certainly say 'I love you'....
I guess, I'll just hug her and look deep in her eyes and say.....
"see ya later".......

Rae

I'd say thank you...you know that you are my favorite Aunt and I'll miss you but will remember you always. And smile through those tears.

Alffe always knows what to say!

I think that's probably the kindest most appropriate thing anyone could say to someone they love and will miss. "Thank you" for being in my life and allowing me to be in yours.

Sometimes talking of memories - funny ones or even sad ones
- kind of continues the bond that is already there.

If it were me I think I'd like to hear of good times and good memories.

I would say: I love you and always will... see you soon

Hugs for you.

yes, thank you....

you've 'reinforced' what my heart was struggling with....

Just being simple.....
I guess smiling thru tearfilled eyes pretty much says it all.

I will do just that.
I 'knew' I could count on you all. You never cease to amaze me.....

BlueMajo yes, I like that.....'see you soon'

Thank you all
Rae

say all that you feel! It is hard to lose someone but sometimes having time to know you can say something it wonderful.

from experience.... also give a BIG BIG BIG HUGGGGG saying thanks or love you... or again whatever you feel..... do not hold back

my sister died from Cancer... and about a week before I got to run down and stay there overnt with two of the kids... the one night.. she said she was tired and wanted to lie down early... I said go for it.. asked her if I could lay down with her.... those 20 minutes or so.. will always be in my heart.... I shared lots of feelings... and that I will be honored when she is at peace that she will be in Heaven with my baby Sabrina( I lost a baby full term 12 years ago)... she said her and her hubby had talked about Sabrina just few days before our talk.

hard to say those things sometimes... but she knew she was dying and I knew... share share... hugss,sarah

How sweet is that!

....pillow talk......


absolutely. THAT is exactly what i would want. I would love for my loved ones to just be 'ok' with it....be calm....talk about the 'good days'......talk about the wonderful new hope that exists for all of us.....like you said....
a 'reuniting' with others who have gone before us......your (((baby))).....yes
...and no more pain.

How touching
thank you l

Rae I am sorry to find the loss of brother is in your pocket. It is in my pocket too. and as you know... I just recently found my very close long time school friend is terminal. Thanks for starting this thread.
we have been talking allot lately about old times, times we were not in contact so much ... we talk about worries or wonder what it will be like. ending life in dignity . talk about how things are never fair .
sometimes I have dreams . I told her of a recent dream . and she said I made her cry. Now I feel bad. the dreams did not make me feel like crying. it made me feel comfort and connected .It was like I got to spend a very awesome time, with a sister I havent seen in a long time. ... that is what I told her too.
WAS THAT WRONG? insenitive ?? I didnt even think it would make her cry.
I youtube her songs I am sending her some wine. we are trading must read book suggestions. and plan to go visit her very soon. So what do you say to a dying person??????????
What do you say to a dying person who dose not want but a very few knowing they are dying ??

As a "former" hospice nurse, please know that the most important thing is letting them know they are loved, also that it is alright to "move on" to heaven when they are called. Sometimes they need that permission to move on. Dont be afraid to cry as you are starting a grievig process. Live review is also VERY important. Reminds you and your loved one that there have been many, good times and times you will remember.
z