Hi, I usually post on the RSD or PN sections of this wonderful site but I need some advise. My husband and I are caring for my mother-in-law who has stage 4 lung cancer. I have known this woman for 30 years, she is strong, generous beyond what she ever has to be, smart and just the best mother in law I could have ever asked for. She is living with us for the last 4 weeks and we are doing the taking back and fourth for chemo, doctors etc. and we live a hour plus away from her area so that is hard on her but what can you do.
To complicate matters she had a pipe burst under her house she did not realize it and now it's a big problem but my husband is meeting with contractors so that it can be fixed. She can not go home because there is quite a bit of mold that came into the house and everything in the basement, that just got remodeled, has to be re-done. Once it is we will take her back and my husband and I will take shifts living there because we have children,teenagers they don't need 100% care but there teenagers, good ones but I don't think I need to say anymore.

Here's our problem. I sorry that I rambled above. She has just given up. She has her own room in our home but will not do anything for herself. I mean she does not move not even to go the bathroom. She hardly eats we try believe me we have to almost force her to drink. My concern is that I think her cancer is much further along than even her doctors know. This is a example of one of my concerns that might be showing she is close to death. She does drink during each day but she does not urinate. I was here alone on Tuesday she got up I asked her if she needed help going to the bathroom and she said know I'll wait she never got up until I insisted at 2pm she just walk around the house and then she stopped at the bathroom. Could her kidneys be failing? Isn't all that laying flat dangerours in regards to blood clots?

I will be asking a lot of questions on Monday at the oncologist, I have cared for people who have cancer and doing chemo but I have never seen someone just lay in bed day after day and not move. Please if anyone has any advise please I'll take anything. I also know she is very depressed.

Thank you all for listening,

Gabbycakes

Yes, it IS very dangerous for her to just lay in bed. A blood clot could form at any time. She should be wearing those hose that are good for preventing clots ~ ask the pharmacy or medical supply store for some. They should have some. Keep them on her as long as she's in bed. And if she's not drinking, she's probably dehydrated, and therefore won't urinate. She doesn't have anything to void. You can tell by "pinching" some skin on her hand, and if it stays UP, then she's dehydrated. If it goes immediately back down, she's not. Chances are, she is.

Perhaps she'll drink more thru a straw. You might think she's drinking alot, but she needs more. Get her a straw. They like that - at least my husband did when he was sick. Many things taste like metal too when they're on chemo - Get her some stronger tasting drinks like cranberry juice - that's good for the kidneys, plus it tastes stronger. Get some Insure - that gives her added Nutrients. Make her drink several a day if she will. Mix the Insure with ice cream - that makes a good malted. Buy some of the flavored teas, if she likes tea - that might give her more energy cause it has caffeine in it. lol I can't think of much else, but this is a start.

Ask the doc about an antidepressant. She sure could use one at this time. No one should die feeling so depressed. God bless, and take care of YOURSELF too! Hugs, Lee

I'm confused a bit,
She's dying for sure??
but still doing chemo?

What do the drs say about her status?
Usually they know when the end is getting near and recommend hospice.

Some do just decide to give up the fight and they just want to be free of the drs, appts & pain and suffering...

The main thing if she is nearing the end is to keep her comfortable and as pain free as possible.


We spent much time with brother in law when he was dying from cancer {liver & other}, He wouldn't go on his own - his elderly father had to drag him in to ER. But he was too far advanced for any chemo , so that was it.
He just wanted to be home where he could go in peace all he would eat the last few days was watermelon.
He wanted no covers on him and kicked them off quite often - but it was summer in CA at the time - even though the AC was on.
He passed away 6 days after finally going to the hospital.

Thanks for all the advise. We have done everything suggested over the last 2months ensure, cranberry, apple, orange juice, straws nothing is working for her. She complains of that metal taste all the time, but she refuses to drink. As far as her status she has Stage 4 Lung cancer with one lung removed and yes they are still giving her chemo. We asked the question of why are we still doing chemo and the answer is ethically they have to offer it until the see signs start showing of close impending death, or she refuses and as of yesterday her white and red blood counts are low but still within the range the only low number was platelets.She is completely coherent so we really have no choice but just to support her. She will die within the next 6 months or maybe more maybe less but she wants to continue. The visiting nurse suggested hospice but at this point I don't think there is a need. They did RX paxcil which I filled today and I hope it helps because I believe depression is almost her whole attitude problem.

She is scheduled for chemo on Monday the 4th, a cat scan is being done and then the chemo. I hope the cat scan shows improvement.

Thanks to all.

Gabbycakes

Hi again, Gabbycakes

I sure hope the Paxil helps cause I agree that depression is a BIG problem. It might help with the appetite too!! Bless her heart, she might just feel hopeless. That makes it miserable for everyone.

Please keep us updated on her progress, ok? I'd really like to know. And again, take care of yourself! You must be exhausted! Big hugs, Lee

Thanks so much Leesa. Actually the last couple of days she is feeling better and eating better but we will start the roller coster ride after she gets the chemo on Monday. We also had to the legal smart things are far as her estate which the attorney will have ready for us today and she will sign all the papers and I have to take her, just uncomfortable. I would do anything for this woman but I'm the daughter in law, we have always been close especially since I had my accident she helped me often when I needed it. My husband has been incredible with her I quess that's why where together for 30 years he truly is a kind individual.

The only negative this week is she hasn't started the Paxcil yet and I filled it on Tuesday. But I'm going to try and see if she'll start it today so it's in her system and will help during the hard times of the chemo.

Again, thank you so much.

Gabbycakes

Just wanted to update everyone on my mother in laws situation. We actually had some unbelievable news this week. Her Cat Scan showed the mass that showed after she had a lung removed is gone, the fluid they have been draining from her(sorry I know that sounds diguisting), and blood work all show now cancer, at least for now. She was thrilled to death but the doctor did say dhr will have to be monitored extremely close. Oh, also her so called good lung has shifted into the cavaity of the missing lung which is suppose to happen after you lose a lung so it can expand properly. Her lung never expanded after her surgery because the idiot doctors she went to first did not realize she had cancer in the other lung. She had her last chemo for now on Monday and once she gets over the side effects she can return home. The doctor did say privately to my husband this could only and properly is termporary and for how long he could not say. The chemo is really keeping it at bay for now. But at least she can get her quality of life back to a certain extent and be able to catch her breath from this whole nightmare.

Thanks again for all the support.

Gabbycakes

Oh gosh, it would be wonderful if she was CURED!!! We can only hope and pray! But I've seen miracles happen ~ my son is a miracle for that matter. He had leukemia as a child - when he was 7 yrs old. That was in 1977 when they didn't know anything about leukemia. He was in an experimental program, because that's basically all they had back then. He took chemo for 3 years, and also had radiation. After 3 years, they took him off his drugs - I was terrified.

I should mention that when he first started taking chemo, they told us he was going to die - that he was "too old" for this kind of cancer - that they liked to see kids from 2-5 because they have the best luck with them. Since my son was 7 yrs old, he would probably die.

Well,he's 40 yrs old now ~ so he's a miracle. And your mother-in-law could very well be a miracle too! Since she's responding so well, it looks good! I'll be praying BIG TIME in hopes that she has many more years to go. God bless and please keep us posted on her progress. And please get some rest??? YOU need it! Hugs, Lee

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been here to update but things are ok. Chemo's over she's feeling better but still not perfect. Where still working on her house to remove the mold issue. What has been holding everything up is once there done with the mold removal testing has to be done and should be done by EPA certifided testers, which is what we decided to do at a $1000 a pop. But her health is comprised so it really has to be done,plus we will be staying there on and off and will eventually move into that home once we sells ours.

She never started the paxcil, she's just stubborn. We I should say my husband is trying so hard to finish this mold job and get her back to her house before she starts to go down hill again. Like I have said previously she is sometype of remission but they are still draining 120cc of liguid a week which really should be at 25cc if things where perfect. So that's it for now. Will try and post more often. Everyone has been so supportive.

Thank you,
gabbycakes

Hi all,

Well things are better and my mother in law is still in remission and doing quite well. After all this time I forgot that I posted here, I apologize.

She is back in her home, the mold issue is done completely except for the cosmetic part which my husband will have done in the spring. They suggest leaving the walls open/unfinished in the basemment for a while so all the pipes can be seen and any further leaks can be detected immediately.

Thanks again for all the support and advise.

Gabbycakes