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Old 04-18-2013, 01:02 PM #11
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MG, I've told husband how I feel but he doesn't seem to "get" feelings very much. Since his neuro diagnosis I'm hanging back and observing him closely so I really get an unbiased, non-judgemental assessment of him and that will help me make a decision. I just kind of let him do his own thing and think of him as a roommate or child. I do believe I am in love with my new friend. Known him all my life and kind of a crazy coincidence how we reconnected. Thanks for the heads up on being scapegoated. I did talk to his one and only brother 70 miles away. To tell you the truth I don't think anyone in his family has much to offer. Eventually he is going to have to let me know what he wants to do too. Keep writing if you want its very helpful!! Thank you.
Hi Tak,

I think you sound like a really good person and have been a good wife. At the sametime. I think you have every right to be happy. The good thing is he might mentally be all he can be-- but he works and can fend for himself. How many years has he been emotionally detached ? I worded that wrong --i meant at least physcially him being able to work is a good thing.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:41 PM #12
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I think you are right that he is "all he can be". I've always felt something wasn't right but couldn't put my finger on it-emotionally detached is a good description. I offer to help him but he doesn't want it. I get that...he just wants to keep doing what he has been doing, I am the one who has changed and am unwilling to live like this much longer (confused and lonely).
Our car insurance company wants to "review" the policy and I fear we may be dropped again. He had two accidents this winter.
I wonder what kind of help would be good for him; memory is at 10%-12%. Not sure what that really means but It sounds like he only remembers 10% of what he hears, and that seems pretty low!
Thank you for your validation that I have the right to be happy. I'm no good to anyone this unhappy. Looked at a beautiful townhouse today by myself and did some dreaming.
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:19 AM #13
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Originally Posted by takinxanax View Post
I think you are right that he is "all he can be". I've always felt something wasn't right but couldn't put my finger on it-emotionally detached is a good description. I offer to help him but he doesn't want it. I get that...he just wants to keep doing what he has been doing, I am the one who has changed and am unwilling to live like this much longer (confused and lonely).
Our car insurance company wants to "review" the policy and I fear we may be dropped again. He had two accidents this winter.
I wonder what kind of help would be good for him; memory is at 10%-12%. Not sure what that really means but It sounds like he only remembers 10% of what he hears, and that seems pretty low!
Thank you for your validation that I have the right to be happy. I'm no good to anyone this unhappy. Looked at a beautiful townhouse today by myself and did some dreaming.

Hi Tax,

It sounds like your on the right path and planning. Nobody should feel this miserable! I can tell by your post your at the end of your rope with him. Nothing easy about ending a 20 yr marriage. Im glad your starting to think of your future-- and planning for it--very smart move!! Im sure it feels good to finally see a path for yourself you been dealing with this so long. It funny sometimes how things get revealed in life-- faster then we think --this insurance prob maybe provided you the little push you needed. Keep me updated--ok? Thanks Im glad for you.
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Old 04-23-2013, 03:54 PM #14
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Default Moving forward

Last night my husband, John, went to a brain injury, stroke survivor group on his own! I am glad he is starting to accept things. He will need some support systems and friends in the future. I am done arguing with him and try to help him. Today he forgot his billfold at home, left lights on, left empty bottles for water pickup on the porch even though it was last week. Good thing he only drives 4 miles to work. I will keep you posted. I am feeling good and happy today!!
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Old 04-23-2013, 04:12 PM #15
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Default hello Mark

You expressed grief and loss from your own intimate experience. I am sorry you are going through all this with your dad. The human condition, it grabs us all, and it hurts. I wish I could grab you right now and give you a hug and tell you I care. I lost both my folks, have no contact with my daughter and grandchild, I know the pain you are feeling. We so need our faith, and each other when these traumas visit us. I want you to know that I may not write every day, but I read all the posts. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and I asked my angel to visit your dad. I am with you as a sister Mark, and I never will forget you and your family in my prayers. May God and his son, watch over your family and give you the strength you need. xxxginnie
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Old 04-23-2013, 04:22 PM #16
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Default Hello takinxanax

I am sorry for you and the pain you feel in your marriage. You have a right to seek some happiness. We are only on this earth a short time. I am 61, and alone too. I do have a son who stays close to me.
If your husband does not want to change or seek council to improve the situation, that ties your hands and leaves you not many options. I know leaving would be full of grief, but sometimes in order to live your life it is something to consider. I do think marriage is a commitment, and vow, sacred, however it takes two to make a marriage. Would a trial seperation wake your husband up to the grief you are feeling? Can it shake him and let him know you need more? Just from my own experience, and I did fail at a marriage, I would rather be alone, than stuck in a marriage that hurts. Life hurts, your spouse is to be the one you turn to. I don't think you can do that with your husband. For your own mental well being, maybe council would help you to cope, just for your own sake. Getting an outside opinion on the situation may help to bring light on this sad situation. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. We do need friends when things hurt. ginnie
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Old 05-01-2013, 02:23 PM #17
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Still trying.Took his neuropsych report to a county social worker for a second read because the guy that did the test and report was kind of a schmuck. She said looks like some ADD, and not so sure about the memory issues because of the way it was written. She said he needed further testing and it would be a really good idea. Meanwhile, we don't talk about it at home and it's weird and intolerable (almost) to me to be living with someone that I can't communicate very well with. I feel angry that he wasn't honest and forthright when we got married and I asked him about his cognitive disability and he said he had no issues. I keep going over it in my mind...was I in denial or what? I never wanted t live like I do. Islolated with a person that makes me feel crazy!
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Old 05-01-2013, 04:19 PM #18
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Still trying.Took his neuropsych report to a county social worker for a second read because the guy that did the test and report was kind of a schmuck. She said looks like some ADD, and not so sure about the memory issues because of the way it was written. She said he needed further testing and it would be a really good idea. Meanwhile, we don't talk about it at home and it's weird and intolerable (almost) to me to be living with someone that I can't communicate very well with. I feel angry that he wasn't honest and forthright when we got married and I asked him about his cognitive disability and he said he had no issues. I keep going over it in my mind...was I in denial or what? I never wanted t live like I do. Islolated with a person that makes me feel crazy!


Hi Tak,

I was wondering how things were going for you. That would drive me nuts too!! Does he still think he doesnt have any issues?
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Old 05-02-2013, 07:24 AM #19
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Love it-"That would drive me nuts too"..ha ha. Kind of admits it, but says he can manage it on his own. I keep trying because I'm scared to get div. and move and stuff! What if I regret it?
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Old 05-02-2013, 08:14 AM #20
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Love it-"That would drive me nuts too"..ha ha. Kind of admits it, but says he can manage it on his own. I keep trying because I'm scared to get div. and move and stuff! What if I regret it?

Tak,

Thats OK ---you have to follow your gut. If/when there comes a time you will know for sure. I still would always have a plan or start making one just in case ..like savings account for yourself etc...if that does come it just makes it easier one less thing to worry about. I admire that you keep trying and it will be easier for you in the long to deal with a divorce and mentally to heal from it --because you will know tried your best. At our age and spending 20 yrs with someone -- its very normal to be scared and start over thats why I suggest you always have a back up plan.Its your life and you have do what feel right for you.
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