I think you are right that he is "all he can be". I've always felt something wasn't right but couldn't put my finger on it-emotionally detached is a good description. I offer to help him but he doesn't want it. I get that...he just wants to keep doing what he has been doing, I am the one who has changed and am unwilling to live like this much longer (confused and lonely).
Our car insurance company wants to "review" the policy and I fear we may be dropped again. He had two accidents this winter.
I wonder what kind of help would be good for him; memory is at 10%-12%. Not sure what that really means but It sounds like he only remembers 10% of what he hears, and that seems pretty low!
Thank you for your validation that I have the right to be happy. I'm no good to anyone this unhappy. Looked at a beautiful townhouse today by myself and did some dreaming.

Hi Tax,

It sounds like your on the right path and planning. Nobody should feel this miserable! I can tell by your post your at the end of your rope with him. Nothing easy about ending a 20 yr marriage. Im glad your starting to think of your future-- and planning for it--very smart move!! Im sure it feels good to finally see a path for yourself you been dealing with this so long. It funny sometimes how things get revealed in life-- faster then we think --this insurance prob maybe provided you the little push you needed. Keep me updated--ok? Thanks Im glad for you.