Welcome back
As difficult as it is right now, being numb and blocking out these feelings would be far worse for your wellbeing in the long run. It's good you have your counsellor but I imagine that it must be hard for you after a session when all the thoughts and feelings of the past are at the surface.

I don't want to appear insensitive as I haven't walked in your shoes, but remember that none of what happened to you was your fault. The fault still lies in the denial and silence of others even now that you're an adult.

You're amazing and strong and deserving of a peaceful and happy life.

Take care there.

Hello Almondface ... I know what you are saying and how much it hurts. I'm so glad you are seeing a counselor.
I hope you soon come back here and let us know how things are going.