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Old 10-19-2015, 01:50 PM #101
St George 2013 St George 2013 is offline
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Default Hey Kitty :)

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Hi Debi,

Well, you're getting into the "nuts and bolts" of it all with having to go to the Probate court and all that. Makes it seem so impersonal......until you get there and see your name and his name on some document and just want to yell at someone that it's all a bad dream and for someone to stop all the nonsense. At least that's how I felt. Not knowing what to expect I went in with blinders on and left a big, blubbering mess. How they expect you to make decisions during times like this I'll never understand. That's why it's SO important to take someone who can remain calm with you or better yet your attorney.

The Medicare stuff is another story. I swear I think they hire people just to make things more confusing to those of us under a time constraint. I finally got a plan that is somewhat user friendly (Humana) but with all the specialist doctors I have it's a constant battle with referrals. We used to have Blue Cross Blue Shield when hubby was alive and I never appreciated it until it was gone. I had hoped I would get health insurance coverage as part of his death benefits but they would not retire him. He was 18 months away from being able to retire and they wouldn't do it. Looking back they dodged a huge bullet with me because I didn't have an MS diagnosis back then.

Things will get easier. It just takes time and time isn't our friend during the first couple of years. Enjoy this beautiful weather we're having. I know I am and dread when they mention rain in the forecast. I saw it was colder where you are this morning than where I am! I wish it could stay Fall 12 months a year.
Well that's unusual isn't it ? For our place to be colder than yours. I'm hoping for a hot streak up around Blairsville during Thanksgiving

Well I made it through the probate thing. And I was so glad to have my lawyer there, my son Luke and my son-in-law Jonathan. WOW I had a crowd didn't I. And I'm so glad no one else was in there doing business or I would have been embarrassed. I was ok until she said it was time for me to take the oath. Then I lost it. The clerk of count was very nice and kept saying she was so sorry for my loss. My son works with the lawyer thru the DA's office so it was helpful to me when they started talking 'business'.

The stuff that throws me is the banking. I'm getting checks from the insurance for overpayments and looks like they are going through the whole year. I've already rec'd more than a dozen checks ($5.90, $10.35 etc) with more coming and all in Bubba's name. They won't let me just cash them with the paperwork from the courts. I had to set up a NEW account just for these checks. An estate account. Geez it's just crazy. They will keep it open for about a year or when I think I won't be getting anymore checks in his name only and then we'll close it down. Just one more item to take care of. I already had 2 checking accts. One for my SSDI check and one joint acct. So now I have a total of 3 checking accts. How confusing ! Not that there is a lot in any of the accounts ! Just more paperwork.

We made 5 stops today. Jonathan is off on Monday's so that is when we try to get things done as needed. I was blessed with this sweet man as a son-in-law. He actually likes to be with his mother-in-law ! He's just driving Miss Debi around

Take care and thanks to all who keep me in their thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate it.

Going to lay down for awhile. I'm pooped !

Debi from Georgia
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Old 10-20-2015, 03:11 PM #102
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Hi Debi,

I'm catching up on posts and am glad to see an update from you even it is poopy administrative, hair-pulling type stuff! Paperwork, banking, probate. Oh joy! I am glad you have a Medicare plan picked out. That can be so overwhelming.

It is always nice to read about your supportive family and I am so happy for you that there is still so much love in your life. I know it doesn't make up for not having your honey, but how much more tragic if you didn't have them.

I have been thinking of you and sending love. And I will say prayers for a healing and pain relieving procedure. I know we will all have you in our hearts on the 30th. It's terrible to be dealing with physical and emotional pain at the same time! I hope you get relief.

Thanks for the sweet birthday note. I enjoyed sharing a happy normal day. I think I forgot to mention the nap I took, during which I was apparently snoring rather freely. Hey we gotta rest when we can right?

Watch out, there's a bunch of hugs coming your way!
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Old 10-23-2015, 08:31 AM #103
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Unhappy Update on me

Dang....has it almost been 2 months since I lost him ?

I had to take my mom to the dr yesterday and as we sat in the room waiting for the dr I was looking around and bam.....it hit....just like y'all said it would. It brought back ICU front and center.

I also didn't realize that the shots for my back on Oct 30th is the 2 month mark too. If he was here he would have been taking me. And being sweet and looking after me when we got home.

And I know I am extremely Blessed to have my family surrounding me. I read posts all the time of families in peril and it makes my heart hurt.

Me and Luke had a falling out last year in June....I didn't see or speak to him on the phone for 3 months. I actually think it was Aug 30th when I went over to his house. Weird right ? But I had gone through chemo and was facing this ugly SFN monster so I was stronger than ever mentally and stood my ground. He had to come back on his own. Prior to chemo and SFN I would have crawled up in my recliner and cried everyday....not anymore. I did sent him a text about once a week during that time and just said I Love You and he would come back immediately and say the same thing. Bubba would go over and visit with him as he was not as mad at his dad as he was with me and Christina. By Thanksgiving we were all back together. It was his decision to come back into the family.

My mom's dementia is getting worse. She's making some type of humming sound now as she walks around or when we're eating. I've look it up and it goes along with dementia. She knows she's doing it but doesn't know why. She is the first person I've met that acknowledges she has a mental issue and it really bothers her. My mother-in-law and father-in-law never mentioned it. She's in awesome shape physically for 84 and the nurse is visiting her every week.

Taylor, her RN, said they've talked about my mom's addition onto our house and how much they love it and wish other seniors had the same thing. She said I would be shocked at how some of these seniors live and what they live in. That is so sad to me.

I miss my Bubba so much and still walk around the house talking to him and at him for he resides on top of the entertainment center. No way I can bury him now. He's going with me when I go and that gives me comfort. I am going to put a headstone up in our family plot for I know his extended family needs a place to go for comfort. Most of them will not know he's not 'there' and that's fine.

I would like to remind everyone that our marriage wasn't perfect. We had some very good times and some very bad times. But in hind sight I sure wish I had let more little things slide. Wish I had hugged him more, wish I had told him I loved him more. Please everyone take my advise and let your partner know how you truly feel. I didn't know Bubba's true feelings for me until 3 months before his death. How sad is that ? Very

Thanks to all who read this and send me messages and posts of comfort. I could not have gotten through these past 2 months without y'all.

Big hugs to everyone !

Debi from Georgia
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Old 10-23-2015, 10:18 AM #104
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Debi

You are not alone when you talk about an "unperfect" marriage. I really don't think there are many of them out there. I sure didn't have one. And you're right.......looking back many of the "small stuff" things could have been avoided but they weren't. It's true hindsight is 20/20.

My Mom had dementia and then Alzheimer's. Dementia is hard to deal with and patience is absolutely a must! I hope she is a "happy" patient. Some folks get downright mean and that's doubly hard to deal with especially when you aren't used to them having that type of personality.

I really am glad you have a lot of family around you most of the time. I used to want to be around people all the time during the first year or so after he passed. I needed the distraction. Now.......I love my solitude and quiet. I'm sure a lot of that is the MS, too.

I was just looking at the calendar and it's almost time to change our clocks again. Fall back 1 hour. It doesn't bother me but I know some folks just hate it. The only reason I hate it is the huge heavy clock on the wall that I have to remember to ask my son to change for me. Last year I kept forgetting and finally it was almost time to change it back so we just left it! Might do that again this year.

Well, the oven timer just went off so I better go rescue whatever I'm cooking.
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Old 10-28-2015, 08:26 AM #105
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Originally Posted by St George 2013 View Post


D........so sweet....thank you and just what I needed when I opened this laptop.

Today I head to the SS Office with Christina. Hope to accomplish 3 things:

1. Changing my rep payee from my husband to daughter, Christina. I've been paying the bills all along. It may take me 1/2 the day but I've been doing it. I could try and change to just myself but I don't want to trigger a long form or anything like that. Will also ask that they start taking out taxes which is something I didn't do to begin with.
Then we'll need to stop by the bank and see what I need to do with that change plus his checking acct and our joint acct.

2. Widow's benefit or whatever it's called. Even though I made more than him the last few years he worked longer and made more in the overall scheme of things. May not be much difference in pay but he would want me to have it.

3. A one time death benefit from SS ?

The last thing I want to do right now is deal with money or bills. I know it has to be done but I feel guilty doing it. I should only be concentrating on his passing and not these real life things. Does that make any sense ?

I spent yesterday afternoon in the doctor's office with my mom. She scared the poo out of us yesterday. She only weights 81.5 lbs (as of yesterday had gained 2 lbs since last week !) On Monday night after visitation she had stumbled and fell against the tv set in her room. She does things like this quite often and because she is so small it takes a few days for her to get over it. She has such a high tolerance for pain it's unbelievable to me. Anyway....she asked that I come to her place after I got off the phone around noon yesterday and when I got over there she was shaking from head to toe. Teeth chattering cold. We called 911 and I was able to get her to quit shaking so bad by wrapping her up in a blanket. This on top of her keeping her house at a 'cool' 86 degrees ! She also had a portable heater on. When they checked her out her BP was fine, heart rate fine and no fever. Suggested I take her in to her dr. Called and they got her in at 2:20 pm.
Bless her heart she broke 2 ribs....the 6 and 8th. They are clean breaks and had not done any other damage.

All I can say is 'my cup runneth over'.

The neighbors across the street are going to take all the beautiful outdoor plants we received and make a memory garden for Bubba.

I guess you guys are becoming my diary. It makes me feel good to share all this with you. Like old friends sitting around a table talking for hours. Just feels right so thank you for letting me share this as I go through it.

Not going to the beach this weekend because of 2 things. My son is worried about what the trip would do to be physically. He knows riding seems to set my nerves off worse than normal and also it's a Holiday weekend. Not up to dealing with all the traffic. Then next weekend will be my grandson Evan's 15 Birthday on Sept 12th. This will be the first family event since losing Bubba and I have no idea how I'm going to do.

Hopefully the 3rd weekend from now me and Christina will head out on Friday after lunch for a quick trip to Panama City Beach.

I think we may wait until our family trip to Florida next year to spread his ashes. Seems the right thing to do since he loved that week of the year so much. And everyone will be there and not have to take special days off work or out of school.

It's so quiet without him here but I feel his presence. Real or imagined doesn't matter. He loved me and I will try my best of make him proud of the way I spend the rest of my life.

When I think of all the things he is going to miss it just overwhelmes me. Birthdays, graduations, marriages and births. I will have to manage these all alone as a grandparent.

I know it was his time and when I think of all the things he would have had to endure had he stayed I feel blessed that God saw fit to take him now and not let him suffer anymore. God allowed us the time to say the things we needed to say to each other and I am so thankful for that. Not everyone gets that chance. These things were not said with his passing in mind, just the thought they we had found each other again and how we were going to spend the rest of our lives enjoying each other everyday and supporting and loving each other for years to come.

Thanks for listening.

Debi
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Old 10-30-2015, 05:10 PM #106
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Unhappy Hey Everyone :(

Very sad day for me. I was watching the clock at 5:20 (time of death 2 months ago) and thinking how much I miss him and how selfish it is of me. God knows he's better off and not in pain anymore. He fought the good fight for years and was tired. Tired and worn down. More so than any of us knew.

My son-in-law took me for back shots this morning. That was very hard as well since Bubba Always took me for things like that and then would spend the day checking on me while I slept. Before we left this morning I kept hearing Bubba's voice playing in my head saying "You alright ?". Him knowing I was nervous to have these shots done. The dr and nurses all know about my loss and are very supportive every time I go in. My favorite office lady came over to the surgery side of the practice and spent 20 minutes just talking and crying with me. They all remember him because he was so protective of me when we were there.

So these shots were new ones for help with my lower back arthritis pain. I saw a spine specialist when all this SFN started at Emory in Atl to rule out any type of problem that would be causing the pain in my feet. That was negative but she asked lots of questions about my lower back. I had some mild pains here and there but never thought much of them. She said my lower back was pretty bad from the MRI and that I would sooner or later have pain issues. Well that was 3 years ago and my time has come. I had a good run though.....3 years !

Christina and her husband were going out to eat tomorrow night but since the dr said for me to take it easy until Monday and no lifting or bending (I was like WTH ? and he just laughed at me and said "I mean it Debi"....lol) they are going to stay home, come two houses up to my house, give out candy, cook dinner and just basically watch over me like Bubba would have. I cried when she told me and feel truly blessed to have these kids by my side through all of this. I would have never asked her to do that but so glad she is. It's just me now...just me

So that's my current update. Not a good one but better times are a comin'.

Thanksgiving week in the North Ga Mountains with my family hold up in a cabin in front of a river. Nice fire going and kids spread around the living room watching tv or playing games. I can already see it in my head since we've been to this cabin before......about 16 years ago.

Take care everyone and have a Happy Halloween !

Debi
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Old 10-30-2015, 06:50 PM #107
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Debi

Days like today are hard. I know how you feel. I tried so hard not to think about "anniversaries" and "first times" without him there. It's hard not to do but you will notice it gets easier to deal with as time moves on.

Your kids sound wonderful. It's so nice to have family to lean on when you need support.

It was a real learning experience for me to realize just how much I depended on him for little stuff. Things you don't even think about or notice.....until you have to start doing them by yourself. Now.....I'm Miss Independent and rarely ask for help. Even though I need to at times I just don't want to be a bother to anyone.

I hope the shots give you some relief and you're up and around soon. You don't realize how much you do until you're told not to and have to ask someone else for help.
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Old 10-30-2015, 08:49 PM #108
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Debi

Days like today are hard. I know how you feel. I tried so hard not to think about "anniversaries" and "first times" without him there. It's hard not to do but you will notice it gets easier to deal with as time moves on.

Your kids sound wonderful. It's so nice to have family to lean on when you need support.

It was a real learning experience for me to realize just how much I depended on him for little stuff. Things you don't even think about or notice.....until you have to start doing them by yourself. Now.....I'm Miss Independent and rarely ask for help. Even though I need to at times I just don't want to be a bother to anyone.

I hope the shots give you some relief and you're up and around soon. You don't realize how much you do until you're told not to and have to ask someone else for help.
I think the 'firsts' like the shots today are going to be the hardest. Hopefully as I get through those I can move on to a more comfortable place in my heart and head.

The family just left and Luke sent me a text basically saying he knows he's not the most pleasant person at times but he wanted me to know how much he loves me. That is just priceless to me.

You probably already know this since your son was/or is in police work, that he meets some really bad people. It's hard for him to sometimes 'turn' that Narcotics Officer light off in his head at the end of the day.

And you are so right on not really understanding how many little things he did do for me/us.

I'm having a little teary spell so I'll close for now.

Take care everyone.

Debi
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Old 10-30-2015, 11:34 PM #109
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Debi. what are these shots in your back? I deal with OA started in lower back about 60 yrs ago...so I know back issues and stiffness and pain. Sounds like you have nice family support.
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Old 10-31-2015, 11:11 AM #110
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Take it easy on yourself for a few days, Debi. Emotionally as well as physically.

Yes, my oldest son was in police work for 13 years. He just recently decided he needed a change but is still in the "law enforcement" arena. Do they ever really leave?? I have never been so happy that a child of mine has left a job!

Luke sounds like a wonderful son. I know just what you mean about turning off the "policeman" once they get home. It just becomes part of their personality. I can tell a definite difference in Matt since he has been in law enforcement. Some good.....some not so good but nothing bad. Just a maturity that I never thought he'd have to know.

I hope you feel better, Debi. Looks like we are in for a rainy Sunday so I know I'll be stiff, sore and off balance. Wheee!!! At least we're pros now so we can prepare for it!
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