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My Husband, 58, passed away Sun, 8-30.....I'm just numb

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Old 09-03-2015, 07:28 AM   #21
Kitty
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Debi

I wish I could tell you that it gets easier......but I will tell you this. And it's something I never thought I'd agree with. TIME will ease things.

First time I heard this I thought "Time is my biggest enemy right now!"

And it will seem that way. Every day seemed endless. There were times the pain of the loss seemed more than I could bear. I didn't want to be alone but when people were around I wanted to run. It seemed to magnify the fact that my husband wasn't there.

But it's something you'll realize in hindsight. You're so very early in the grief process now but as time passes you'll realize that you had more good days than bad. The happy memories will make you smile instead of cry.

Your kids will be lifelines for you. They need you and you need them.

My heart goes out to you, Debi, because I know exactly what you're going through. Hang in there......
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:47 AM   #22
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Thanks for sharing with us. Please keep posting when you are physically and emotionally capable.
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Old 09-03-2015, 02:07 PM   #23
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Debi,

Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking but beautiful story. So much Love there.

I know you must be exhausted. You and your family have been through so much this year. What a blessing that you have each through this difficult time.

I am holding you in my heart and sending prayers for peace and wellness and for strength for the journey. You truly aren't alone with family so near and everyone here hurting for you.

I hope you make that beach trip. Make two. One now and one sometime in the future when the dust settles. Let the majestic oceans God gave us bring you healing and a place to wash away some of the grief. Sending hugs and healing love,
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Old 09-03-2015, 07:38 PM   #24
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Dear Littlepaw,

Well said. My sentiments, too.
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Old 09-03-2015, 10:26 PM   #25
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Heart Sending a hug....

Dear Debi,
I am just about to go to bed and wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
You have been in my thoughts all day. And in my prayers.
D.
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Old 09-04-2015, 01:25 AM   #26
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Default Up again....hopefully not for long :)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Diandra View Post
Dear Debi,
I am just about to go to bed and wanted you to know I am thinking of you.
You have been in my thoughts all day. And in my prayers.
D.
D........so sweet....thank you and just what I needed when I opened this laptop.

Today I head to the SS Office with Christina. Hope to accomplish 3 things:

1. Changing my rep payee from my husband to daughter, Christina. I've been paying the bills all along. It may take me 1/2 the day but I've been doing it. I could try and change to just myself but I don't want to trigger a long form or anything like that. Will also ask that they start taking out taxes which is something I didn't do to begin with.
Then we'll need to stop by the bank and see what I need to do with that change plus his checking acct and our joint acct.

2. Widow's benefit or whatever it's called. Even though I made more than him the last few years he worked longer and made more in the overall scheme of things. May not be much difference in pay but he would want me to have it.

3. A one time death benefit from SS ?

The last thing I want to do right now is deal with money or bills. I know it has to be done but I feel guilty doing it. I should only be concentrating on his passing and not these real life things. Does that make any sense ?

I spent yesterday afternoon in the doctor's office with my mom. She scared the poo out of us yesterday. She only weights 81.5 lbs (as of yesterday had gained 2 lbs since last week !) On Monday night after visitation she had stumbled and fell against the tv set in her room. She does things like this quite often and because she is so small it takes a few days for her to get over it. She has such a high tolerance for pain it's unbelievable to me. Anyway....she asked that I come to her place after I got off the phone around noon yesterday and when I got over there she was shaking from head to toe. Teeth chattering cold. We called 911 and I was able to get her to quit shaking so bad by wrapping her up in a blanket. This on top of her keeping her house at a 'cool' 86 degrees ! She also had a portable heater on. When they checked her out her BP was fine, heart rate fine and no fever. Suggested I take her in to her dr. Called and they got her in at 2:20 pm.
Bless her heart she broke 2 ribs....the 6 and 8th. They are clean breaks and had not done any other damage.

All I can say is 'my cup runneth over'.

The neighbors across the street are going to take all the beautiful outdoor plants we received and make a memory garden for Bubba.

I guess you guys are becoming my diary. It makes me feel good to share all this with you. Like old friends sitting around a table talking for hours. Just feels right so thank you for letting me share this as I go through it.

Not going to the beach this weekend because of 2 things. My son is worried about what the trip would do to be physically. He knows riding seems to set my nerves off worse than normal and also it's a Holiday weekend. Not up to dealing with all the traffic. Then next weekend will be my grandson Evan's 15 Birthday on Sept 12th. This will be the first family event since losing Bubba and I have no idea how I'm going to do.

Hopefully the 3rd weekend from now me and Christina will head out on Friday after lunch for a quick trip to Panama City Beach.

I think we may wait until our family trip to Florida next year to spread his ashes. Seems the right thing to do since he loved that week of the year so much. And everyone will be there and not have to take special days off work or out of school.

It's so quiet without him here but I feel his presence. Real or imagined doesn't matter. He loved me and I will try my best of make him proud of the way I spend the rest of my life.

When I think of all the things he is going to miss it just overwhelmes me. Birthdays, graduations, marriages and births. I will have to manage these all alone as a grandparent.

I know it was his time and when I think of all the things he would have had to endure had he stayed I feel blessed that God saw fit to take him now and not let him suffer anymore. God allowed us the time to say the things we needed to say to each other and I am so thankful for that. Not everyone gets that chance. These things were not said with his passing in mind, just the thought they we had found each other again and how we were going to spend the rest of our lives enjoying each other everyday and supporting and loving each other for years to come.

Thanks for listening.

Debi
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Old 09-04-2015, 03:35 AM   #27
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I'm glad you're waiting to go to the beach. Holiday weekends are brutal even for those without other things on their mind. You'll enjoy the time away much more later.

Poor Mom....I hope she's feeling better. Is she doing well at home now?

I remember the weeks following my husband's passing. I would sit and think "Doesn't anybody know what just happened? How can people get "back to normal" so quickly? My husband just passed away and the world just keeps going and going......". It's hard to accept but things keep on keeping on.....as much as we want them to slow down.

I remember the "chores" of going to the SS office, the bank, the endless places that needed a death certificate in order to either make changes or make the account in just my name. Seemed endless. But I encountered some very nice folks along the way.

That is such a nice thing you did with all the plants. I'm sure the garden will look beautiful. My house looked like a florist for weeks.......and to this day I cannot walk into a florist shop without the smell overwhelming me. There is just a certain aroma of flowers and greenery together that still doesn't agree with me. I did save all the baskets and had silk plants put into them. They're pretty and I don't have to worry about watering them.

I hope you're coping as best as you can and that your family is close by for you. Just take it one minute at a time......don't try to do too much or overwhelm yourself. It's a process.....albeit slow.....but it's necessary and you will get through it.
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Old 09-04-2015, 07:59 AM   #28
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Embracing all in gentle hugs.
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Old 09-04-2015, 11:21 AM   #29
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Default Debi,

Thank you for sharing with us. Yes, this is like a diary; journaling your experiences. Writing out your thoughts, what has happened, what needs to be done, what lays ahead is all so therapeutic. We are honored to be included. Please continue keeping us in your day to day needs and accomplishments.

Sharing your family with us feels like knowing them. Hope your mother will be able to hold up under all that is going on. She is such a fragile woman. Lucky to have you close by.

Debi; know that healing thoughts, as well as love and prayers are with you and your family.


Gerry
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Old 09-04-2015, 12:17 PM   #30
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Kitty wrote:
Quote:
"Doesn't anybody know what just happened? How can people get "back to normal" so quickly? My husband just passed away and the world just keeps going and going......".
I had no idea anyone else had that feeling. Thanks for sharing that with us. I, too, felt that way with the loss of a loved one and thought I was all alone in feeling that way. How could the world go on, my loved one was no longer here. It made me a bit angry as it felt like my loved one meant so little to others that they just picked up where they left off? I felt frozen in time.

This may not be the proper time or place for me to make this post as it is more about ME than about our dear friend Debi and her loss, but it might be nice if she experiences those feelings, it may help her to know that she is not alone.
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