NeuroTalk Support Groups - My Husband, 58, passed away Sun, 8-30.....I'm just numb

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- - My Husband, 58, passed away Sun, 8-30.....I'm just numb (https://www.neurotalk.org/coping-with-grief-and-loss/225431-husband-58-passed-sun-8-30-im-numb.html)

Goodnight Debi.
I hope you are able to get some restful sleep now.

:hug:

Debi, my sleep pattern is all messed up, too. I tend to wake up every 2 hours.......no reason other than my body is just used to it and I usually need to visit the restroom. :rolleyes: Since I can nap if I need to I just go with it....no reason to get all stressed about it.

I'm so glad to hear you had some good times. I miss going out to eat. My hubby loved to go out and eat and at that time I was able to go.....wasn't diagnosed with MS until after he passed. I guess God is watching out for me because I would probably gain way too much weight if I ate now like I did then! :o

Picking up his ashes and Urn is something very personal and however you felt or reacted is just right for YOU. Grief is such a personal thing and everyone goes through their own journey with it. Nothing is right or wrong......whatever works for you is what you should do. And please give yourself time.

I hope your pain is at a more tolerable level today. You're in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:

I am so sorry Deb

Hi Deb,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved husband. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I went and am still going through the hospital delirium with my husband from surgery a year ago.

About a month ago I started back with the group and was looking for you and today your post came up. I am happy you have family with you that is a blessing. You also have God who is walking with you now.

Any time you need to talk I am here for you we all are.
God Bless you.

Uglogirl. Gloria

Hi Debi,

Just a note to say: You are doing it all just the way you need to do it. There is no "weird," no right and no wrong. Tears will often come at seemingly odd times. Comfort will follow suit. Simply "allow" the process -- whatever you need. No judgment upon how your grief expresses itself. Self-compassion is very helpful as you allow yourself to grieve and to heal. :hug:

For what it's worth, I believe you feel your husband's Presence because he is Present with you during this very difficult time. :)

Continued offerings of Love, support and prayers for you, your mom and your family.

Warmly,
DejaVu

Quote:

Originally Posted by St George 2013 (Post 1168747)

This is the 2nd time I've been up tonight. The first was about 1:30 and I was in AGONY. I can't remember the last time my pain was that bad. I actually called Christina and she and Jonathan walked up here (dragging poor Lane with them who had been asleep). Not sure why I called her other than I didn't want to be alone with my pain and the tears that Bubba wasn't here to comfort me and offer to get up and get my meds and a cold ice pack.

I took a pain pill and a 1/4 of another (something I've started doing when the pain level is high) and then sat at my dining room table and basically rocked back and forth until the pain slowed a bit. I was still moaning when I laid back down and asked God and Bubba to please let me sleep and get away from the pain. Thankfully I feel asleep quickly with sweet Lane asleep by my side.

Remember I washed the dogs and cleaned the tub ?

Break-----my mom woke up and came walking in here wanting to know if we'd eaten breakfast yet....lol....God Bless her I don't even eat breakfast. Finally got her back to bed. Thinking her pain probably woke her but she didn't complain about it.

Ok...the dogs and tub.......the reason the tub had not been cleaned is because it always sets off my hands and feet and then I hurt.....bad.....which is what happened. So going forward I will go back to washing the dogs in the kitchen sink and asking someone to do the tub. Shoot Luke and Jonathan are both strong young men, 35 and 32, and should be quite easy for them to do in less than 5 minutes.

I'm good now. Pain is about a 4 which I can deal with.

I did go to dinner with Christina, Evan and Lane. We went to Red Lobster and I ate WAY too much......before we left the restaurant I started feeling guilty for even going......that feeling just grew until I was in tears.......both Luke and Christina said I 'couldn't go there' and that Bubba would want me to go out when I could. I know that but it still didn't make me feel any better. Bubba was not big on going out to dinner. Of course if you asked him to go to the Golden Corral he was the first person in the car ! But normally we would stop by Long John Silver's on the way home and get him a plate. I would come in and he'd be laying across the bed on his stomach. His favorite position for years due to lower back pain. I would get him something to drink, ketchup and a fork and napkin and take to him on the bed. I never could understand how that man would eat laying on his stomach :) He didn't ask me to do that for him I just did because I wanted to.

Think I'll read a few new posts and try to go back to sleep. I probably need to set the clock and get up and take another pain pill later this morning so I don't end up in the same shape I was earlier.

So goodnight friends......for what's left of it anyway.

Debi from Georgia

Debi,
Glad to learn you went out and had a nice dinner. It will, for some time, continue to remind you of times Bubba would have been there; or even some times feeling guilty for enjoying the little things. That's Okay.....you wouldn't want it any differently for him if things were reversed.

I recall getting tearful at the grocery store passing up a special toothpaste that I no longer needed to buy. Things just creep in at the oddest times. These are fond loving memories.

Just a little FYI:
I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m.every morning so I don't let my pain get out of control. Better to get ahead of it; otherwise it gets out of hand and as you know, much more difficult to get to a tolerable level.

Please be careful not to overdo too much.:hug:

Gerry

About my Saturday

I was able to sleep a few more hours and woke up to my sweet Angus kissing me all over my face ! Had to laugh at him he was so darn funny :)

Got up, dressed in old shorts and an old t-shirt, brushed my teeth and hair. That's all I had the energy for. I met my neighbors at our very old and very big oak street in the front yard. Not 12 feet from my screened side porch that we use for entry/exit to the house. These neighbors have a beautiful yard and love working in it. They are giving me their labor to do Bubba's memory garden with plants from the funeral. Many received were outside plants. There was a bit of urgency due to the fact that these needed to get into the ground asap.

We decided on a 9 inch high circle of stone around the tree, fill with garden/potting soil and covered with brown cedar to keep the bugs down. Poor Luke.......I drug him to the Home Depot dressed like I was. Never in a million years would I have normally left the house dressed like that. We took Bubba's old beat up but runs wonderful truck. Met Ron and Rosalind in the plant/flower dept and picked everything up. Sweet Ron went to the front of the store and got me an electric cart to ride/drive which saved me from another night of agony.

What a wonderful feeling it was to pick these items out that will be my husband's Memory Garden.....Bubba's Memory Garden. I met a lady there while looking at a beautiful plant and I told her what we were doing. She was about my age and stayed with me to talk for a few minutes. She thought what we were doing was great and kept asking me if I was ok....and you know what ?...for that hour I was ok. My heart filled with joy knowing how much he would have loved this.

We came home, parked Bubba's truck close to the tree so Ron and Rosalind would have everything close at hand. Both are disabled. They were so excited about doing it they started laying the stones to see what it would look like. Oh it's perfect. Nothing fancy just like my husband. They will be working on it the next couple of days and when finished and I can get Christina to help me I will take a pic and post here for all of you to see and enjoy with me.

This is a true labor of love and feel so Blessed to have my friend/neighbors want to do this for us.

I then sat down with Luke to watch some football.....could not keep my eyes open and finally went to lay down on the bed. With my sweet dogs and my grand dog Bella. They are so comforting to me right now.

My mom is hurting....I can see it in her face. She doesn't look good. The dr said 3 or 4 weeks before she gets some pain relief. We've got her on pain meds twice a day plus valium which she has taken before. Not sure if I told you but she had gained 2 lbs in a week and a day. She's now up to 81.8 lbs or close as I can remember. I pray the Lord lets her heal from this and stay with me a while longer. She's so dang stubborn......was washing dishes when I got up from resting :)

I'm so sore in my chest. The chest wall feels bruised to the touch. I guess from bending over that bathtub. Actually everything is sore. My feet and hands, arms and legs.

Went to Christina's to eat and it made me so sad not to be bringing something home for Bubba as would be usual. He would go to Christina's sometimes but months before the surgery, when his arm, back and neck hurt, he's usually stayed home and assumed his position on the bed.

The closer next week gets the more I dread it. So many places to go with those death certificates. I know each day will end badly for me. I want to throw up when I think about it.

I need a transport chair instead of this heavy wheelchair I have. May ask PM dr to write me a prescription for one and see if insurance will help pay for it.

And that's my feelings and how my day went.

I pray everyone has a peaceful night of rest.

Debi from Georgia

The memory garden sounds soooooo wonderful.

A living tribute.

Can't wait for you to post the photo when completed.

Sure hope you can get some good quality rest and sleep tonight.

Hi Debi,

The joint effort between you and your neighbors, in planting the memory garden is... incredibly beautiful! :D I was trying to picture the gardening team in my mind as I was reading your post. You are so fortunate to have such outwardly loving neighbors! :grouphug:

I am sorry to realize I have not known you here on NeuroTalk, as it's abundantly clear you are so very loved and deeply respected by so many members here.

I don't want to be intrusive.
I do, however, consider it an honor to offer support, Love and Prayers to you and to your family.

:grouphug:

DejaVu

Quote:

Originally Posted by DejaVu (Post 1169125)

I think Debi will be very glad to see your postings and would NOT think them intrusive in the least bit. She needs all the love and support she can receive from the community. You don't have to be "up to date" on Debi to offer your support. I thank you for your posts, too.

Hi Debi,

I noticed your response to dancinglady's Thread, and must say I find your compassion limitless that you could still reach out in such a fashion at this time.

May these forthcoming difficult days run smoothly for you and your family.

Dave.