Just wanted to say goodnight Debi ( or is it good morning? )
I can't to get sleep either.

Thanks for the updates on your Mother.
I don't know how you can lift her wheelchair in and out of the car.
Like you and your Mom, my Mother and I don't like using it but, it is a necessity for both of us.
She used to fight me using it but she would tire after walking 15 paces and need to sit.

Debi...do you think you could delegate some tasks to the kids or other family or friends? to take the load off you? You seem to have the loveliest family and friends...I know people who care are looking for ways to help at a time like this and some my be very glad to step up.

I would like to mention, if you can, maybe your husbands insurance could provide a Medicare Gap type plan? I got a gap plan for the first time myself this year and it has been incredibly helpful. I have has some serious / expensive health issues and I have not paid a dime beyond what my deductible at the beginning of the year. Just a thought.

A big hug and hopefully a visit from the sand man.

XOXOXO
D.

Hi Debi,

You have a lot on your plate.

My dad had passed just a couple of years ago. This left too much for my mother to deal with. My dad still had a business, etc.

My mother's attorney had suggested a person he often recommends to widows/families in these situations. This person took over handling the finances, the insurance claims and more, immediately. In addition, she is "bonded."

She is a member of a national organization, " American Association of Daily Money Managers." (AADM) www.AADMM.com

I do not know if all of the certified representatives/money managers for AADMM are bonded or not. I also do not know if they each offer all of the services she has offered to my mother.

The AADMM suggests many questions be asked of any of their members/representatives : http://www.aadmm.com/questions_to_ask.htm

She has been able to go over Social Security information. She has gone over Medicare and many "medigap" insurance policies and explains them to my mother, helping my mother to make choices on these. She has been able to review insurance claims and explain them.
She has made calls to insurers to clarify coverage, to appeal decisions, and also to assist my mother in choosing new plans, etc.

She also deals with the banks, the tax attorneys, etc.

She was able to come into the situation immediately, deciphered my dad's business accounting, set up a more comprehensive and easier accounting program for the business, as well as for household accounting (and budget). She had this all done very quickly. She has helped my mother and our family in a truly significant way, during a very trying time.

I want to mention this organization to you, incase this is something you may find helpful. Your attorney may know of a similar type of a professional available to assist you, should you desire assistance.

Love and Prayers,
DejaVu

[QUOTE=DejaVu;1170114]Hi Debi,

You have a lot on your plate.

My dad had passed just a couple of years ago. This left too much for my mother to deal with. My dad still had a business, etc.

My mother's attorney had suggested a person he often recommends to widows/families in these situations. This person took over handling the finances, the insurance claims and more, immediately. In addition, she is "bonded."

She is a member of a national organization, " American Association of Daily Money Managers." (AADM) www.AADMM.com

I do not know if all of the certified representatives/money managers for AADMM are bonded or not. I also do not know if they each offer all of the services she has offered to my mother.

The AADMM suggests many questions be asked of any of their members/representatives : http://www.aadmm.com/questions_to_ask.htm

She has been able to go over Social Security information. She has gone over Medicare and many "medigap" insurance policies and explains them to my mother, helping my mother to make choices on these. She has been able to review insurance claims and explain them.
She has made calls to insurers to clarify coverage, to appeal decisions, and also to assist my mother in choosing new plans, etc.

She also deals with the banks, the tax attorneys, etc.

She was able to come into the situation immediately, deciphered my dad's business accounting, set up a more comprehensive and easier accounting program for the business, as well as for household accounting (and budget). She had this all done very quickly. She has helped my mother and our family in a truly significant way, during a very trying time.

I want to mention this organization to you, incase this is something you may find helpful. Your attorney may know of a similar type of a professional available to assist you, should you desire assistance.

Love and Prayers,
DejaVu[/QUOTE

I'm going to read up on this....if not to help me then hopefully someone else in the future.

Debi in Georgia

Good morning everyone

I called the SS 800 # yesterday afternoon and most of the stuff I need done has to be face to face in a SS Office. The first appointment I could get would be Oct 2nd. The local lady I talked too was very concerned for me and my funds and asked me to come in this morning at 9 when they opened.

So here I am waiting on my daughter to pick me up.

I was able to get a transport chair after Luke and I left the lawyers office on Wed. Insurance paid for it 100% thankfully. Will be nice to use at the SS Office this morning.

It's been rainy here and my body is not happy with it. Everything seems to hurt worse when it rains.

My body and mind are still just exhausted and I know I'm going to cry this morning when I start talking about Bubba. Not looking forward to that at all.

Take care everybody and I'll let you know how the visit with SS goes this morning. Hopefully smooth and quick

Take care.

Debi from Georgia

Debi

I'll be thinking of you today. I remember those visits to all the necessary places. You'd think they could figure something out to where you didn't have to go in person but I guess they do it to protect you from fraud. Not feeling well physically just seems to add to the emotional pain.

It's been rainy here, too (North Georgia) but next week Fall weather arrives!! It's going to be a relief to my body as rainy warm weather doesn't get along with me.

I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you today. Hoping you get to deal with kind folks who will take the time to explain things to you. I found most people to be very nice and patient with me. I'm glad you're taking someone with you today. I went alone to most places and found that I couldn't remember a thing I had been told. A second set of ears is always a good idea.

Hope you'll check in later when you get back home.....and as you feel able to.....to let us know how things went.

Good night Debi.
Here's hoping the visit to SS went smoothly and I am sure they are used to people who have lost loved ones, becoming emotional.

Hope you are sleeping better. I can't recall but if you are not getting any good sleep, perhaps a tranquilizer or sleeping pill are in order for a bit. When we had my father at home on hospice care, my pain doc gave me lorazepam and it not only helped with sleep, it helped take the sharp edge off the stress induced pain.

Thinking of you
D.

These last 2 days have been brutal. So many tears.....I think the numbness has worn off. Maybe I want it back.

Social Security office Fri morning:
We were the first ones in line. I was so hoping to get the lady I've had the last 2 times and I did ! She is such a sweet person and was so helpful. We made Christina my representative payee.

For clarification I did ask her if I had to have a representative payee. (The first visit with her after I was approved for disability she asked me if I thought I needed to have one and I said yes and she put my husband down who was will me at the appointment.)
She said no I was not required to have one (some people are) but she likes to ask everyone. She says people should have a choice even if they are not required to have one. She said I can call at any time and they will take Christina off as my rep payee. But honestly after going through all this paperwork I feel better having Christina on there. I've added her to my joint account and am going to add her to my savings acct.

I'm of the opinion now that no one should have any type of acct without the name of someone else on it.....someone you can trust.

Even when Bubba was on my SS account I paid all the bills. And will continue to do so. But if something happens to me then Christina can pay the bills for me.

Then Sat morning we went to the bank. The lady we deal with there saw Bubba every week as he went through the drive thru. Even if she was at her desk as soon as she heard his voice she would go to the window. She said he never came through without a smile on his face and happy words to all of them. This lady has also known us for years.
So the three of us sat at her desk....me, Christina and Tammy, and cried and changed the accounts. I was told to begin with that I would have to have new accounts set up.....Thank goodness that was not true. I was dreading that as you all would know what that entails...especially with drafts coming out.
They closed at noon and she stayed with us until 1:00.
Came home and laid down until I had to get up and ready for Evan's 15th birthday party.
It was at his other grandparents cabin/pond and such a beautiful place. They live on a country road and then about 1/2 mile down is a dirt road that Evan lives on......the property runs from one road to the other and they have made a road through the property so they can drive to each others place or walk. So beautiful and quiet going through the woods. They had a fire pit set up and lots of seating. It was just the immediate family on both sides. Luke and Evan's mom are divorced but so thankful we can all be together when needed for parties and especially the passing of Bubba.

Christy (Evan's mom) sent me a beautiful text yesterday. Here is what she said:

15 years ago today! Can you believe it ? Just wanted to tell you thank you for being so good to me thru the pregnancy and loving Evan so much. He has been so blessed with good grandparents even when his parents were crazy. LOL. When I went in to see Bubba alone on Friday night @Hospice, I told him thank you for loving Evan so well and all of the time and love he gave him and for being so good to me over the years. He said "you're welcome. That's my boy". Then Evan came in and we all hugged. I'm so glad I got to tell him that. Evan wouldn't be 1/2 of the person he is if he hadn't had y'all helping raise him. Love you !

And the tears flowed. So thankful she is Evan's mom and such a wonderful mom and person. She's always been here for us even when her and Luke were not getting along at ALL.

I cried when Luke and I left the party......I was sad that Bubba wasn't there and Luke said "mom....he was there".....such powerful words.

Now I have to get through going to see the people in HR where my husband worked. My son in law will be taking me on Monday afternoon. He also works for the City when bubba worked.

My husband was the maintenance supervisor at a waste water treatment plant for the next city over from us. I'm going to see if they will let us plant a tree in his honor and call it "Duck's Tree" which is what the guys at work called him. We still haven't gone and cleaned his office out. I cannot do it. Hoping Christina and Luke can go one day at lunch and do it. Christina had many lunches with her dad at his desk. Good memories.

I was exhausted when I got home. Didn't realize just how tired I was until I sat at the dining room table. Lane has spend the night with me for 2 nights. Sweet boy all curled up on Bubba's side of the bed. He's 10 but when he was younger he would run in the bedroom with Bubba and get on my side and either fake sleep or actually go to sleep...lol.....I would sleep on the couch ! He thought that was soooo funny. But Bubba loved it. If he happened to fall asleep on the couch you could be sure when he woke up during the night he was coming in the bed with us....right smack in the middle.

My mom is doing ok.....still in a lot of pain but she keeps on going...like the energize bunny.......she's adamant that she is going to wash my dishes and wash the clothes....something she has done for years. She says that is her job. I can get her to sit down after I give her the pain meds because I tell her they will work better if she'll rest about 45 minutes. Most of the time she dozes off and I let her sleep until she wakes up. She's eating good and home health came and signed her up on Friday. She was NONE too happy about that I can tell you. She wanted to know WHO sent them to her house. The doctor we kept telling her and because she puts all faith in a doctor she said ok even though she doesn't want people in her house 2 times a week....lol.....PT and and RN visit each week. They are also going to replace her scale with a new one so they can weigh her every week.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the messages. Such heartfelt caring and love I feel every time I read a post.

I miss my Bubba so much....so much.

Debi from Georgia

ps....I'm 45 minutes south of Atlanta. About 20 minutes from the Alabama line....we're talking about renting a place in North GA for Thanksgiving as no one wants to be here during that time. Chicken and dressin' in the mountains......WOW is all I can say.

Good Morning Debi,

That text from your DIL was so sweet. She sounds like a good friend to you regardless of her and your son's differences. It's hard to take a neutral stance when you love them both. I hope things will go smoothly for them and for you.

It sounds like you got to deal with some kind folks on all your different visits. You know, in hindsight, I think you will realize that all of it helps with your acceptance of Bubba's passing. I didn't realize a lot of things until time had passed and I thought back to some of it.

I had a similar experience at the bank we had accounts at. The folks who worked at the branch he always used were so shocked the day I showed up with the terrible news. They were very nice and offered such sweet words of comfort.

When my hubby passed away we didn't use the Internet for banking. I'm not sure if it was even available back then but he liked to write checks and mail them the old fashioned way so that's what we did. He also liked getting a paper paycheck and physically depositing it at the bank. Well, things have sure changed since then because everything I do is electronic from getting checks deposited to paying my bills. 99% of it is due to the fact I don't drive anymore and the other 1% is convenience. I have to admit I think I'd be doing it this way regardless of my health! I can even deposit paper checks via an App and never have to leave the house.

I'm glad your Mom is feeling better. I can relate to how she feels. I don't like strange people in my house either.....even if they're there to help me! My Mom was the same way. She'd clean the house before the housekeeper came. Didn't want anyone to think we ever had dirt in our house!!

I agree with you about having someone you trust on your accounts. My boys are both on my bank accounts and savings accounts. I haven't needed their help...yet...but if that day ever comes it will be so much easier on all of us not to have to deal with financial issues. If I need to at some point my DIL might also be put on one of them but that will have to be OK'ed by the attorney. What on earth did folks do years and years ago when we didn't have all these rules and attorney's to take care of them and advise us?

Ahh, we learn lots of things about ourselves during difficult times like this. We also learn how much family means to us. I do hope you're having more good days than hard days. I can attest to the fact that time will be your friend.....maybe not right now but it will.

Kitty

Sometimes I just want to speed up time so it doesn't hurt so much.

And I totally understand your husband using paper checks....we still do too ! Our Post Office is around the corner so no big deal to drive thru and mail the bills once a month. Well......actually one of the kids drives through for me.

I refuse to get a debit card. My daughter says I'm probably the only person in the world that doesn't have one....lol

I don't know why I don't get up to speed with checking.....I was in the business sector for years and I know change is good.

I was in bed all day yesterday. I guess Fri and Sat really took a toll on me. I was up and down, sleeping and just laying there. At 6pm my daughter called and said dinner was ready....told her just to bring me a plate.....And she SAID.....you get up and get down here.....We grilled steaks and I made you shrimp scampy so you are coming down here.....lol....and of course I went.

So the Panama City Beach trip is on for this weekend. It will be me, Christina and my 1st ex daughter-in-law, Christy. I've been hesitant to go but I think it will do me good. We'll leave on Fri afternoon and come back Sun night...Just a short trip. Jonathan and Luke are going to take care of grandma while we are gone. I haven't told her I'm going yet.....I'm going to wait until Thursday afternoon to tell her because when I do she is going to ask me 100 questions before I leave....maybe 200. And I'm not kidding

Today Jonathan and I ran several errands....probably 10 in all. I sat in the car for most of them but had to go into my husband's HR to discuss everything. I didn't get as upset as I expected to and I'm thankful for that. The amount of paperwork is astounding ..... one paper leads to another having to be done. It's like all the paperwork is having babies.

I hope all of you are doing well. I'm sure some are and some aren't. Please know that I think of my NT friends often during the day and night.

This is the first thing I've ever joined on the internet and I could not have picked a better site.

Goodnight everyone.

Debi From Georgia

Hi Debi,
I am so glad this is your weekend away. It is understandable you are hesitant but, it will be good to have a change and just get away from the house for a couple days.

You are running around so much, you are making ME tired...10 errands in one day! I couldn't do 10 errands in a week!!!

You are smart to wait to tell your Mom you are going away...less stress for both of you. Glad to hear she is doing OK.

Good night Debi,
D.

P.S. There are two of us left on the planet that don't have debit cards.