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Old 09-02-2015, 03:31 AM #1
St George 2013 St George 2013 is offline
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Default My Husband, 58, passed away Sun, 8-30.....I'm just numb

My husband passed away after less than 48 hours in Hospice.

Monday a week ago I called 911 when his lips started turning blue as I was trying to coax him into eating some oatmeal. His blood oxygen meter was reading 51 and then bouncing around from the 60's to the 80's. They transported him to the ER and he was placed in ICU. His Co2 level was close to 150 and should be around 35 to 45. He was in ICU the nights of Mon, Tues, Wed and Thurs and during this time they tried the bi-pap to bring in Co2 level down....it got to 57 on Fri morning.

He had experienced Hospital Delirium after surgery in May and this had continued somewhat since then and resurged big time in ICU. He knew who we all were but was constantly pulling the mask off his face and trying to pull his IV out, take the heart monitor pads off his chest and remove his blood pressure cuff. When I would ask why he was trying to remove things that were monitoring him he would say "I don't know".....how sad.

During the week we had been talking about long term acute care and then rehab when he was stable. That was still my mindset last Friday when my daughter sent me a message that the dr wanted to meet with us at 2 pm.
Such a great guy, Dr Patel. I actually send my husband to this specific ER because my niece Poppy works for this pulmonary dr that she just adores.

Sitting in a chair outside my husband's ICU room, Dr Patel began to tell us that he had reviewed my husband's charts for the week and even though they had tried everything they could to get him stable nothing was really working and he was in a constant state of panic. Even the meds wouldn't completely knock him out. He only slept in bursts and someone was with him at all times.
The dr said it was time for comfort care and he suggested Hospice. We have a wonderful facility about 15 minutes from me (my dad was there in 2000) and thank the Good Lord they had an open bed.

He was transported last Friday night and arrived about 9:30 pm in a panic. The nurses got him calmed down and we sat with him and talked. I even got him to eat 3 bites of a baked potato with lots of butter and sour cream. He hasn't eaten good since the May surgery.

Everybody finally left and we dozed for awhile. My nephew had just got back into town and came around midnight with his son who is 20. He was able to talk with him and tell him how much he loved him. After they left the nurse gave him something for pain and we slept all night. I would wake up and look over at him to make sure he was still asleep.

Taking all the machines off of him lowered his severely high blood pressure and heart rate and he was calmly sleeping. He slept for 15 hours straight. His body was so tired.

Sat afternoon about 5 pm he woke up in a frightened state. We all tried to calm him down but not before he spoke out to his mom and dad which was not a good sign. He said "NO Daddy" and now I truly believe that his dad came for him but he wasn't ready. He never really came to himself then but I did get him to tell me he loved me. They gave him something for pain and he went back to sleep. He never woke up again.

We have 2 children, Luke who turned 35 last Wednesday and Christina, 30. Also 2 biological grandsons, Evan who will be 15 on Sept 12th and Lane who is 10. Also 2 stepgrandchildren, Gavin who is 12 and Charley Ann who is 9.

Evan and Lane stayed both days....all day long and both of their mothers, my ex daughter in laws stayed too. What awesome women they are !

We all had our time with my husband. Me, Luke and Christina especially had our moments alone with him to say what needed to be said. Sometime before 5 pm when it was just me and Luke in the room and the nurse had told me hours before that my husband would not be going home from Hospice, Luke asked for time alone with his dad. So I walked out front and sat in my car.
He called once and told me I could come back in....then he called me a 2nd time hysterical telling me to COME BACK IN NOW.......so I ran as much as I could and when I walked in the room Luke and the nurse, LaVada were beside him and she said "He's gone".......I was hysterical that I wasn't there with him but have since realized it was Luke that needed to be with him to allow my husband to let go. Something we all feel he would not have done had I been in the room.

All the people that he loved most were there. Me, Luke, Christina, Evan, Lane, Gavin, the 2 ex daughter in laws, Christy and Anissa. We all stayed in the room with him for at least and hour and a half....may have been more. We hugged him, kissed him and just loved on him and cried and cried and cried.

I didn't cry much at his service last night. I'm pretty numb. His service was at 6 pm last night and I laid down at 2 to rest with my alarm set at 4 pm. I woke up about 5:05 and freaked out......didn't have time to take a shower or even wash my hair in the kitchen sink.....and I actually didn't even care. I threw on some clothes and off I went. Drove myself the 1/2 mile to the funeral home.....we live in a very small town.

So sorry this is so long and if you read the whole thing God Bless You. I just had to get it out and say what I've been thinking and I knew this was the best place to do it. That y'all would understand and pray for me and my family.

My husbands name is James Edward Thompson.......Bubba to his grandchildren, Duck at work. We've been married for 35 years. Since I was 17. I left my parents house and then on to be with my husband. Never lived alone before and I'm not really alone. My mom built an addition onto our house and she lives just through the laundry room. She's 84. There is only one house between our house and my daughters (she lives in my mom's old house) and my son only lives about 1/2 mile away.

I'll be back.....I have so much more to get out there....just to put in writing somewhere.

Hope.......I love you sweet lady.

Debi from Georgia
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Old 09-02-2015, 03:44 AM #2
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Oh Debi, I'm so terribly sorry.
He was so young.
My condolences to you and your whole family.
I'm glad you have your family close to you. It must be a very difficult time for you right now.
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:05 AM #3
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Default Thanks Lara

I'm seriously thinking about heading to the beach for a few days.

Need to feel the sand under my feet and the sun shining on my face.

He loved going to the beach even though he could not walk on it due to his back issues. I just will feel closer to him if I can go.

I'm just so numb and sad.....sad.

Debi
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:09 AM #4
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Debi, I hope you can do that.
Do you have a friend who could go with you?
I'd hate to think of you so sad and alone away from home and on your own.

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Old 09-02-2015, 04:18 AM #5
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Default Lara

Both my kids are taking the rest of the week off from work. But I forgot that this coming weekend is Labor Day.

Not dealing with those crowds !

Luke is taking 2 weeks off from the Sheriff's dept per the Sheriff

I may be able to talk him into going with me for a few days. Would be nice just the 2 of us.

He and his wife separated at the beginning of Aug...after 8 years of marriage. Not a great loss as far as I'm concerned but I was pretty shocked when I realized how much he loves her. She says she's not coming back and has already filed the divorce papers. Poor Luke.....he had an awful August and his birthday was the 26th.

Glad you were on tonight.

Debi
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:25 AM #6
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I hope you and your son can get away for a few days together. Sounds as if you've all been going through a very difficult time in many ways. I'm so sorry.

I'll be thinking of you...
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Old 09-02-2015, 04:48 AM #7
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Debi

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Reading your post brought back so many memories of my own husband who passed away in 2001. I wasn't ready to let go, either. I was 41 and he was 47......way too young.

Doing what you did.....writing it all out......is very therapeutic. I hope you'll come back here when you're ready to write some more. I joined a grief group/website when my DH passed away and met some wonderful friends that I still have contact with today 14 years later!

I live in Georgia, too. Not sure where you are exactly but we're in the same state!

Please take care of yourself. Those weeks following his departure were so terribly difficult. I'd feel almost guilty if I had a "good" day. And I wanted to be around my family more than ever.....thank goodness they were there. I had to tell myself that they, too, were going through a great loss and I needed to be there for them, too. In a way it helped me to be able to be the one to help them. Not sure if that makes sense but I feel like you know what I'm talking about.

Okay, I'll stop babbling now.....just wanted you to know that I truly understand what you're going through and if you ever need to talk offline I'm here.....just PM me and maybe we can chat through email or PM here.

Take care
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Old 09-02-2015, 05:33 AM #8
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Dear Debi,

I am so very sorry to hear about your husband's passing.
My heart and my prayers go out to you and your family .



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Old 09-02-2015, 06:58 AM #9
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I am so sorry to read this. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve in any way that helps you.

A visit to the beach sounds like a good way to handle your feelings and memories.

NT is always here, for you to post when you feel the need.

My husband and I have been married 47 yrs...and I dread the times that will eventually come for us too.
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Old 09-02-2015, 08:17 AM #10
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Dear Debi,

So sorry to hear this sad news. I am glad you had the whole family there.

I agree that a trip to the beach may be a good start.

Always here.

Dave.
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