I feel pretty vulnerable posting this but what the heck. I want to live so much but not like this. I feel like I've messed up my whole life. I thought I had more time. I was only 45 when this illness hijacked my life. I feel like I've messed up everything and now it's too late. The pain from the illness i have has been completely treatment-resistant as far as medications go. Everything else I've tried (exercise, diet, etc) has barely dented it. It's just marched over me steadily progressing no matter what. And now my life is pretty hellish most days. This isn't a life, just existence. I'm so tired now, I haven't got any fight left in me.

for you.

I second Lara's .

I'm sorry you are dealing with so much pain and struggle every day. That would wear anyone down.

Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Never too late my friend....writing this with one finger while laying on my side on the bed

Switching pain meds is not fun at all.

Did u find someone to talk to about your feelings?

Wish u were here and we could find someone to see back to back and then figure out how to get there !

There has to be something out there to help with your pain. What does your Doctor say?

I am so sorry you are feeling so badly.

Here are some big hugs for u !

Your friend,

Debi

To another
I know exactly how you feel
YOU are NOT ALONE
Coming here is my only comfort
There are awesome beautiful emphatic people here
Keep sharing
Let us hold you up
As I need it also
Love
Me

You are never alone on the NT forum. Usually matter what time someone somewhere in the world is there to reach out to. I hope you are on track to finding some answers for your pain. Sometimes it is relentless I know, but sometimes, rare as it is, it lifts a little. Those moments are treasurable and something to look forward to. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, please let us know if we can help.

hi thank you everyone for your thoughts and your support. it means a lot to me. I felt a bit silly the next day when I read what I'd written. I seem to say the same thing over and over I guess I do feel really frustrated. I, like many of you, have invested so much time and money trying to get better or at least improve and no matter what, things don't seem to get better.

I like the quote that you remember what life was like before. I find it hard to remember. But one moment for me this week was I went and swam at the local pool and the moment I'm in the water all the pain goes and I can even swim. Even though I'm very weak now I managed to do 6 lengths and I felt the way I used to and my body was free. I can only go fortnightly because of the chemicals but every time I came up for air I had a grin on my face ( :

It's good to hear back from you.

Water is wonderful therapy that's for sure. I'm glad you were able to get to the pool and feel that calming relief even for a moment. Take care there.

Like yourself
This is when my body feels its best
I am so looking forward to the pool
Members we always are
BUT YOU ARE RIGHT
YOU HAVE BEEN THE ONLY PERSON
here to mention that
It is the weightlessness
I am still very careful
As I enter slowly
I can feel the pressure crushing
But it is the BEST feeling for this broken body
All the best in you search for your relief
Love
Me

I am so glad you got out in the pool! Having that bit of time where you are without pain and feeling free is so very restorative. 6 lengths is great.

If you get tired of laps you can get a buoyancy belt and just swish around too. I found this both relaxing and therapeutic for working out little grievances my body had with me when I was on crutches.

Are you swimming inside or outside? I find the chemicals noxious too and do much better in an outdoor pool when available since there isn't the fume build up.

It's nice to hear back from you. I'm happy to hear you're feeling better.