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Not feeling the what I felt

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Old 08-26-2016, 05:47 PM   #1
Ravenclaw
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Default Not feeling the way I felt

Since my love died 9 months ago, I grief in a what I think is a complex way.

But one thing scares me most; I used to feel such intense love for him. When we'd be together I'd just feel the love radiating from my heart, like a palpable sensation. I felt such love, such happiness, such a feeling of wanting to protect him from everything bad. It was fuzzy nice warm and just very intense. We were soulmates.

Since he passed, I've never felt it again. I now can think back of him with a smile on my face, and miss him. But I do not feel the fuzzy feeling, I do not feel the love like I did. I miss it and it makes me so scared and awful. What does this mean, am I adapting my live without him? Don't I miss him? Didn't I love him? Why is my heart not feeling like it did when watching videos and pictures?
Will I ever feel my intense love for him once more?

It's like there is this big distance or something. Like I don't love him as much as I did and it hurts me so much...

Does someone recognize this?
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Last edited by Ravenclaw; 08-27-2016 at 06:03 AM.
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Old 08-31-2016, 12:41 PM   #2
Skeezyks
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Hello Ravenclaw: I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know as there is really much I can say about it. I'm an older person. And, over the years, many people have passed on... either they've died or they've permanently moved on out of my life. It happens to us all as we age...

There is, of course, kind-of a "standard grieving process" that one can read about. You're probably familiar with it. But in reality, I presume, each of us grieves in our own way. I know, in my own case, the feelings I once had for people who have passed on have "softened" (for lack of a better word.) I think it's simply nature's way of helping us to move on... which we all must sooner or later.

So, from my perspective, I would not take what you are experiencing to be a sign that you didn't love this man. I believe what you are experiencing is simply the healing process in action. Whatever you do or don't feel is okay. However, should you find yourself continuing to struggle with your feelings about all of this, then consider seeking the services of a grief counselor or therapist with whom you can process how you feel. I wish you well...
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Old 09-03-2016, 08:49 AM   #3
St George 2013
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Default Dear Ravenclaw

Not sure if you remember me but I lost my husband "Bubba" a year ago on August 30th, 2015.

On the 9th month of his passing which happened to be on my birthday,
May 30th, I was on a family vacation in Florida. I had such mixed feelings knowing he should be there with me/us and it was our first vacation without him. I was surrounded by family but felt so alone and lonely.

I agree with everything Skeezyks said. Thank you Skeezyks for that posting. It helped me too.

He was your soulmate and you loved him deeply and completely. Such a wonderful thing y'all had together.

On the first anniversary of Bubba's passing I thought I would really have a hard time. But the meltdown came days before that as I kept replaying all the horror of him in ICU and then in Hospice for 2 days.
On the actual day I felt calm knowing he was no longer in pain and could breath God's fresh air all around him. He did not want to live with a disability and had told me numerous times he didn't want to live to be an old man. He got his wish and I have to respect that.

It's us, the ones left behind that suffer so much. What you are feeling is right for you. Everyone is different but I know he's still with you and always will be.

I think our feelings change as time marches on. I don't think it will ever mean you love him less.

I can still feel my husband's presence at times. Like he's right here with me. And maybe he is.

I'm so sorry you are going through this and wish there was something 'magic' I could say to help you.

I do hope you are taking care of yourself physically...that is so important.

Please keep us posted on your thoughts.

Debi from Georgia
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Old 09-03-2016, 11:16 AM   #4
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Thank you for that Debi! I am glad to hear that you are doing ok. Keeping the memories and the happy moments the two of you have shared together are the important things to remember. It sounds like the two of you had something truly special. I hope the things that continue to remind you of Bubba, now that a year has passed, can bring a smile to your face from time to time.
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Old 09-05-2016, 10:17 AM   #5
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Debi,

Thank you for sharing your experience; I think Raven needed to know what she is feeling is okay.

There is the calming feeling knowing a loved on is no longer in pain. Also knowing he did not want to continue living this way... Respectful of his wish; you were grateful it was granted.

A "soulmate" will always live on with love as time marches on.


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Old 09-06-2016, 11:44 AM   #6
eva5667faliure
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Default Hold on to...

All the memories that are left as gifts
From one who loved and was loved in return
Hold on to that
Don't let it go
You are human
And as written
Does not mean you love him any less
It's that feeling you were hoping for
You are human
And had the opportunity to love
And be loved in return
So sad to hear how you are feeling
Love
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Old 09-08-2016, 06:03 AM   #7
Ravenclaw
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Thank you for your reply all. It's just hard, you know.

Sometimes I catch myself pushing tears away, that's probably not very wise, but I just want the pain to stop.

I think this weekend I'll visit his grave.
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Old 09-08-2016, 08:13 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenclaw View Post
Thank you for your reply all. It's just hard, you know.

Sometimes I catch myself pushing tears away, that's probably not very wise, but I just want the pain to stop.

I think this weekend I'll visit his grave.

Just wanted you to know that I do that too.....keep the pain deep down within my soul. I try not to let it come out too much because it's so painful...physically. Like you....I think it's not a good thing ?

They are with us everyday. In our hearts and lives.

My husband's urn sits on the entertainment center.....I talk to him and kiss his urn on occasion....silly I know but makes me feel better.

He would want some of his ashes scattered in 5 different places we loved but so far I've been unable to do that. Maybe one year I'll have the emotional strength to get that done for him/us.

Take care and please don't be too hard on yourself. You did everything you could and loved him heart and soul.

Debi from Georgia
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Old 03-29-2017, 12:01 AM   #9
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Hi Raven. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart and prayers go out to you. I am sorry my post is so late too. I've been sick lately and not responding to posts as quickly as I should be. I am sending many hugs your way.
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