It's Debi again. It was very hard for months......I don't even remember when the horrible pain started easing off. Maybe that's normal ?

I was like you, lost every single day. I'd look out the window when it was time for him to be home just hoping he'd pull in the yard. I'd see him everywhere. His chair in the dining room, his chair in the living room....laying across our bed to ease his back pain when he came in from work.

I screamed, hollered and just pitched fits. Cried hysterically. I'm still sad. Still don't find a lot of happiness in much of anything. My grandkids bring me the most smiles. And my babies, Charlie dog and Angus. Bob the bum, my 20 lb cat and Black Kitty (the outside cat I never named...lol)

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. The pain and hurt is just a raw and open wound.
I know Bubba would not want me to be like this. He would want me out living my life 2 years after his passing. Easier said that done I'm afraid.

You have to give yourself time to heal and find some new normal that you don't want.....don't want to have to learn.

Please keep us posted. We care....I care.

Debi

Hi Debi thank you for being there for me I am so glad that I can talk to someone I was in a bad place the other night and I kept thinking about what you said that I have to give it time and it will get better I just wish it would get better now as I am finding that everyday it just seems to be getting worse I am like you where, crying all the time just keep asking him to come back as we where suppose to spend the rest of our lives together and like you I just keep seeing him all around the house I just feel so sad it just doesn't seem to get any better but I suppose it is still early days.

Hi everyone well I am still here and I don't cry everyday as much now I am learning to get on with what I have been given, I still miss jeff very much I have a diary that I tell him about my day, that helps I am still very lonely for him but it is a little easier now after 3 months, and I would like to thank everyone for there support in the early days when I needed to talk to someone, it made all the difference as if I spoke to a councilor they call in the mental health people that want to send you to a mental health ward because you tell them how you are feeling, but you say these things when you are very much not yourself if that makes sense, I know I was not myself just after jeff died I was a mess and it takes time to come to terms with what has happened.

I am so very sorry for your loss Dianne. I am glad you joined this group. This a very caring and compassionate group. You are not alone. Hugs and Prayers.

It has been 5 months since I lost jeff I thought I would be coping a lot better by now it just seems as if it was yesterday I still keep crying I still feel so down I still miss him so much I hate being here with out him I am so lonely I make myself go out and look after the animals as that is what he would want me to do as he loved his alpacas so much I just wish I could feel better.

and tonight my daughter ended up in icu as she tried to kill herself no wonder it is so hard to cope with his death and now her attempted suicide how do you keep going I hate all this

Dianne, I think that looking after the alpacas is a lovely thing to do.

I am sorry to read about your daughter - I hope that she can get help with her issues.

My thoughts are with you.

Dianne

I know how you feel. I lost my DH in 2001 quite unexpectedly. He was 47 and I was 40.

It took me about a year to feel like I could say I was "better". I don't say this to be discouraging but to let you know there are no time limits to grief. Everyone reacts differently and copes in their own way.

People used to say to me "give it time" and "you'll feel better with time". I used to hate that. Time was not my friend. It was my worst enemy. But.......looking back I saw that I was getting better. You don't realize it at the time but one day you'll realize that you've had more good days than bad. You'll realize that you've actually enjoyed something and not felt incredibly guilty for it. It's a slow process - at least it was for me. But is does happen.

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's attempt to take her life. I hope the hospital can direct her to a counselor that can help her through her pain.

I hope you'll continue to post here and let us all encourage you.

Kitty