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Old 02-08-2018, 11:46 AM   #1
BlueMajo
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Default My mom... :(

My mom passed away unexpectedly on january 13th... She was my rock, my best (and only) friend, my adventures companion.... EVERYTHING. She was all I had. I’m feeling so sad, I have dealt with depression for 9 years now, so that make things worse... I have been feeling completely lost the last 3 days... nothing seems to help me... everyone says she is still around me, but I don’t feel her... I don’t feel spiritual anymore... please help me... this pain is unbearable....


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Old 02-10-2018, 07:25 PM   #2
Alice P
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I’m deeply sorry that your mom has passed. My mom died on Jan 31 2014 from colon cancer.

Feeling like you are going crazy in early grief is very common. In my personal experience and just about everyone that I’ve talked to about early grief say the same: you feel like you are going crazy and you feel like you will do ANYTHING to stop the pain.

Grief Makes You Crazy

When my mom died my husband told me that I not only lost my mom but I also lost my best friend. My mom and I were very close, we had the same world view, sense of humor etc. so I really get where you are coming from. The pain is deep and harsh and you wonder how can anyone survive something so utterly painful…..the numbness, the intense pain, the void and heartache, the anger and disbelief. Feeling like time is going by really fast and really slow at the same time. The bottom of the ocean sadness. Grieving is brutal…..

The only thing that I know for sure about grieving is that you can’t go over it, around it or under it, you have to go through it. You can’t hide from it because it will find you.

You are fragile right now so please go easy on yourself. Take it a minute at a time. Breathe. I started yoga after my mom died and it really helped me find some peace.

People also told me that “she is still around me” but I, like you did not “feel her”. I think that people don’t know what to say so they use clichés to make themselves feel better.

The American Psychological Association says that grieving past six months is considered Complicated Grief disorder. As far as I’m concerned this is total BS. First, grief is not a disorder, it can't be treated or medicated and second if you are lucky enough to loved someone in your lifetime with your heart and soul then the other side of that is grief. I knew very early on that I would never ‘get over’ my mom’s death. I will carry her death with me until my last breath. My brother and sister feel the same and all of the people that I’ve talked to who have experienced the death of a loved one say the same. So please don’t let anyone pressure you to "just get over it and get on with your life” DO what YOU need to do. Just BE where you are...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with depression as well, its like being in a black hole with no light. It sucks.

Sending you peace for your heart and calm for you soul and serenity for you mind. You will find your way.

Last edited by Alice P; 02-11-2018 at 06:49 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-15-2018, 04:09 PM   #3
BlueMajo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice P View Post
I’m deeply sorry that your mom has passed. My mom died on Jan 31 2014 from colon cancer.

Feeling like you are going crazy in early grief is very common. In my personal experience and just about everyone that I’ve talked to about early grief say the same: you feel like you are going crazy and you feel like you will do ANYTHING to stop the pain.

Grief Makes You Crazy

When my mom died my husband told me that I not only lost my mom but I also lost my best friend. My mom and I were very close, we had the same world view, sense of humor etc. so I really get where you are coming from. The pain is deep and harsh and you wonder how can anyone survive something so utterly painful…..the numbness, the intense pain, the void and heartache, the anger and disbelief. Feeling like time is going by really fast and really slow at the same time. The bottom of the ocean sadness. Grieving is brutal…..

The only thing that I know for sure about grieving is that you can’t go over it, around it or under it, you have to go through it. You can’t hide from it because it will find you.

You are fragile right now so please go easy on yourself. Take it a minute at a time. Breathe. I started yoga after my mom died and it really helped me find some peace.

People also told me that “she is still around me” but I, like you did not “feel her”. I think that people don’t know what to say so they use clichés to make themselves feel better.

The American Psychological Association says that grieving past six months is considered Complicated Grief disorder. As far as I’m concerned this is total BS. First, grief is not a disorder, it can't be treated or medicated and second if you are lucky enough to loved someone in your lifetime with your heart and soul then the other side of that is grief. I knew very early on that I would never ‘get over’ my mom’s death. I will carry her death with me until my last breath. My brother and sister feel the same and all of the people that I’ve talked to who have experienced the death of a loved one say the same. So please don’t let anyone pressure you to "just get over it and get on with your life” DO what YOU need to do. Just BE where you are...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with depression as well, its like being in a black hole with no light. It sucks.

Sending you peace for your heart and calm for you soul and serenity for you mind. You will find your way.


Alice, thank you so so SO much for your post... for the first time since my mom passed, I felt understood... and, it is the first time I feel hopeful again... You really made me feel better and, like, there is light at the end of this tunnel called grief. Thank you for your words and time


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