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Old 02-08-2018, 10:46 AM   #1
BlueMajo
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Default My mom... :(

My mom passed away unexpectedly on january 13th... She was my rock, my best (and only) friend, my adventures companion.... EVERYTHING. She was all I had. I’m feeling so sad, I have dealt with depression for 9 years now, so that make things worse... I have been feeling completely lost the last 3 days... nothing seems to help me... everyone says she is still around me, but I don’t feel her... I don’t feel spiritual anymore... please help me... this pain is unbearable....


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Old 02-10-2018, 06:25 PM   #2
Alice P
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I’m deeply sorry that your mom has passed. My mom died on Jan 31 2014 from colon cancer.

Feeling like you are going crazy in early grief is very common. In my personal experience and just about everyone that I’ve talked to about early grief say the same: you feel like you are going crazy and you feel like you will do ANYTHING to stop the pain.

Grief Makes You Crazy

When my mom died my husband told me that I not only lost my mom but I also lost my best friend. My mom and I were very close, we had the same world view, sense of humor etc. so I really get where you are coming from. The pain is deep and harsh and you wonder how can anyone survive something so utterly painful…..the numbness, the intense pain, the void and heartache, the anger and disbelief. Feeling like time is going by really fast and really slow at the same time. The bottom of the ocean sadness. Grieving is brutal…..

The only thing that I know for sure about grieving is that you can’t go over it, around it or under it, you have to go through it. You can’t hide from it because it will find you.

You are fragile right now so please go easy on yourself. Take it a minute at a time. Breathe. I started yoga after my mom died and it really helped me find some peace.

People also told me that “she is still around me” but I, like you did not “feel her”. I think that people don’t know what to say so they use clichés to make themselves feel better.

The American Psychological Association says that grieving past six months is considered Complicated Grief disorder. As far as I’m concerned this is total BS. First, grief is not a disorder, it can't be treated or medicated and second if you are lucky enough to loved someone in your lifetime with your heart and soul then the other side of that is grief. I knew very early on that I would never ‘get over’ my mom’s death. I will carry her death with me until my last breath. My brother and sister feel the same and all of the people that I’ve talked to who have experienced the death of a loved one say the same. So please don’t let anyone pressure you to "just get over it and get on with your life” DO what YOU need to do. Just BE where you are...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with depression as well, its like being in a black hole with no light. It sucks.

Sending you peace for your heart and calm for you soul and serenity for you mind. You will find your way.

Last edited by Alice P; 02-11-2018 at 05:49 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 02-15-2018, 03:09 PM   #3
BlueMajo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice P View Post
I’m deeply sorry that your mom has passed. My mom died on Jan 31 2014 from colon cancer.

Feeling like you are going crazy in early grief is very common. In my personal experience and just about everyone that I’ve talked to about early grief say the same: you feel like you are going crazy and you feel like you will do ANYTHING to stop the pain.

Grief Makes You Crazy

When my mom died my husband told me that I not only lost my mom but I also lost my best friend. My mom and I were very close, we had the same world view, sense of humor etc. so I really get where you are coming from. The pain is deep and harsh and you wonder how can anyone survive something so utterly painful…..the numbness, the intense pain, the void and heartache, the anger and disbelief. Feeling like time is going by really fast and really slow at the same time. The bottom of the ocean sadness. Grieving is brutal…..

The only thing that I know for sure about grieving is that you can’t go over it, around it or under it, you have to go through it. You can’t hide from it because it will find you.

You are fragile right now so please go easy on yourself. Take it a minute at a time. Breathe. I started yoga after my mom died and it really helped me find some peace.

People also told me that “she is still around me” but I, like you did not “feel her”. I think that people don’t know what to say so they use clichés to make themselves feel better.

The American Psychological Association says that grieving past six months is considered Complicated Grief disorder. As far as I’m concerned this is total BS. First, grief is not a disorder, it can't be treated or medicated and second if you are lucky enough to loved someone in your lifetime with your heart and soul then the other side of that is grief. I knew very early on that I would never ‘get over’ my mom’s death. I will carry her death with me until my last breath. My brother and sister feel the same and all of the people that I’ve talked to who have experienced the death of a loved one say the same. So please don’t let anyone pressure you to "just get over it and get on with your life” DO what YOU need to do. Just BE where you are...

I'm sorry that you are dealing with depression as well, its like being in a black hole with no light. It sucks.

Sending you peace for your heart and calm for you soul and serenity for you mind. You will find your way.


Alice, thank you so so SO much for your post... for the first time since my mom passed, I felt understood... and, it is the first time I feel hopeful again... You really made me feel better and, like, there is light at the end of this tunnel called grief. Thank you for your words and time


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Old 02-17-2018, 04:54 PM   #4
Alice P
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I’m truly happy that my words could be of some comfort to you. One of the hardest things about grieving is that people expect you to be ok rather quickly and its hard to feel understood. The only people that really understand and get it are people that have been where you are now. I had my brother and sister to talk to and we all understood how deep, painful and life changing our mother’s death was. I also had my husband and he was (and still is) amazing in his support with her death. I think that one of the best things you can do is find a grief support group either online or in person. Grieving is like belonging to a special group and only other grievers really understand what you are saying and feeling. I’ve had people say some pretty bad things to me about my mom’s death e.g. “oh, you’re not over that yet?” because they think its like the movies, you cry a little and poof it’s over. Someone who has walk or is walking the road you are now on knows different.

In my experience the grief, pain and sadness has changed. It’s different now (our mom has been gone for four years) than it was when she first passed. We still have overwhelming days where we miss her so much and the tears come. My sister will call me in tears because she wants to talk to our mom and can’t. My brother still gets sad because he wants her here with us. I still cry and my heart still hurts. One of the things that has helped us is knowing that our mom would never want us to be in so much pain and if she were here she would tell us “come on now, wipe those tears away, everything is going to be alright “. So, we try to live a good life and find joy where we can because that’s what she wanted for us. I have no doubt that’s all that your mom wanted for you as well.
To be happy, content and at peace.


Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Breathe in and breathe out. Know that you are not alone. Surround yourself with supportive people.

I just wanted to add that my sister suffers from chronic depression as well. She started using CBD from the marijuana plant about two years ago. CBD will not cause you to experience a euphoric effect, or “high.” because CBD is not psychoactive. It has really helped her with depression and she is no longer taking antidepressants. I don’t know if its available where you live but maybe its worth a try .

Last edited by Alice P; 02-17-2018 at 06:39 PM. Reason: Adding information
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:34 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice P View Post
I’m truly happy that my words could be of some comfort to you. One of the hardest things about grieving is that people expect you to be ok rather quickly and its hard to feel understood. The only people that really understand and get it are people that have been where you are now. I had my brother and sister to talk to and we all understood how deep, painful and life changing our mother’s death was. I also had my husband and he was (and still is) amazing in his support with her death. I think that one of the best things you can do is find a grief support group either online or in person. Grieving is like belonging to a special group and only other grievers really understand what you are saying and feeling. I’ve had people say some pretty bad things to me about my mom’s death e.g. “oh, you’re not over that yet?” because they think its like the movies, you cry a little and poof it’s over. Someone who has walk or is walking the road you are now on knows different.

In my experience the grief, pain and sadness has changed. It’s different now (our mom has been gone for four years) than it was when she first passed. We still have overwhelming days where we miss her so much and the tears come. My sister will call me in tears because she wants to talk to our mom and can’t. My brother still gets sad because he wants her here with us. I still cry and my heart still hurts. One of the things that has helped us is knowing that our mom would never want us to be in so much pain and if she were here she would tell us “come on now, wipe those tears away, everything is going to be alright “. So, we try to live a good life and find joy where we can because that’s what she wanted for us. I have no doubt that’s all that your mom wanted for you as well.
To be happy, content and at peace.


Be good to yourself and take care of yourself. Breathe in and breathe out. Know that you are not alone. Surround yourself with supportive people.

I just wanted to add that my sister suffers from chronic depression as well. She started using CBD from the marijuana plant about two years ago. CBD will not cause you to experience a euphoric effect, or “high.” because CBD is not psychoactive. It has really helped her with depression and she is no longer taking antidepressants. I don’t know if its available where you live but maybe its worth a try .


Thank you Alice, I wish I had seen your post before but I thought the app I use in my phone was supposed to send me notifications... and it clearly doesnt hehe. Anyway, I’m so happy to have come and find your post

Do you know of any good grief groups online !?

Thank you very much in advance


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