[Bubbi]

Hi,
I was here a year ago--part of the gang from another forum. Then I just sorta of stopped going to forums of any kind. PC trouble--life in general etc...

Now--I need help. Friends--someone to talk to.
I am a CP pt.
However, the real issues for me at this time are this:
Since April 2007--I lost my mom--my marriage and my home.

My mom passed suddenly on April 16th--we lived next door to each other and I was her care giver for 12 years. General care as she was pretty much self care but had early dementia.
She died in her bed--I went to give her meds and she said she was tired and wanted to be left alone--two hours later I was doing CPR but to no avail. She was 75.

I was stunned, crushed and emotions I have no name for. My family came from all over the country.
The day before the funeral my then husband decided to fall off the wagon and cross the one line I would not except--he hit me.

2 days later my brothers moved me into my moms home where I am now.
There was a whirlwind of activity for a week or so and then Me trying to deal with the loss.
I have 5 grandkids whom I care for and also were close to their "granny".
The 13 yr old has yet to come to terms.

I think pure adrenaline kept me moving and then my physical body crashed.
I live in a rural area and my PC is like a window to the world for the days my condition makes me unable to drive or go out.

I am still mourning only now it sneaks up in spurts. My daughter chose this first Christmas without my mom to take the kids and go 2000 miles away so I will be alone.

I am sorry this is so long--I just need some help coping with loss and more important--finding a life of my own. When you spend your life as a care giver and then your no longer needed--your left sort of empty.
I am disabled but prior to that I was a nurse for 30 yrs.
Thanks for listening.....

[Alffe]

Hi Deb..is it alright if I call you that? My heart aches for you and all you have been through and continue to go through. More than enough on anyones' plate.

The usual advice....just do one day at a time and don't look at the big picture just now. I'm glad you found your way back to us and I know that you'll find a lot of support from these forums.

[José]

I endorse Alffe's words.

Just my two cents. I can't tell you where the idea came to me from, but after reading your post, I talked to myself: "Why doesn't she turn her hand to painting?" I have heard of many people who started to paint when they were over 60. It is not so much for recognition as it is for pleasure and therapeutic effect. You will be alone anyway, but probably you won't feel lonely, if you see what I mean.

[Bubbi]

Thanks to both of you.
Jose---its funny you mention painting. I began painting and other crafts in 2003 when I returned from Israel. My mom was an artist and I didnt even know I had it in me.
But I admit I have not been able to paint much this past 6 mo except to help the grandkids with a few projects.

Your right--I need to start again and fight what I can only call a lack of motivation that I have not been able to shake.
Debbie

[Alffe]

Debbie...were you visiting in Israel or living there? Painting is a great idea Jose...I have zero talent but am so in awe of those who do.

[Curious]

welcome back debbie!

i had to kick myself in the rear to get motivated to craft again. the rear kicking was being broke and medical bills to pay. we do like groceries too.

what other type of crafting do you do?

[Bubbi]

Sorry its has taken me so long to reply. I had a flare up and down for a couple days.
I visited Israel in 2003 and when I came back I felt this need to capture in paint my experience. Totally weird --because I was not a crafty or artsy type person. I had tried because my mom was but nothing I did ever came out.

So when coming back from Israel and taking up crafts/art was like a gift. It began with me painting scenes on rocks I had brought back.
Then with 4 grandkids and their numerous school projects which all of a sudden I had tons of ideas etc... I am telling you this was like a 100 degree turn around.

I mostly paint but I have expanded that to painting clothes--you know--go to the thrift shop and pick up jeans and use fabric paint to create designs that some are paying hundreds of dollars to get out of the store.

The last project I had was making small treasure boxes out of boxes that they sell those cream puff poppers in.
Lots of hot glue--shiney stones--acrylics --fabric etc...
But everyone still want the painted rocks and thats where the motivation is a problem--i have to many unfinished.

Kind of hard to explain the crafts I do as it is simply ideas that pop in my head not the more exceptable modes that the good crafters do.
What kind do you do Curious?

Thanks for talking with me