Well, I took Christmas real good but now that things are getting back to normal so seem to be the grief getting worse. I guess I may be different in that my ex and me never had kids and after we got married his family made the Holidays a living you know what. They always wanted him with them all of the Holiday from Christmas Eve at the crack of dawn to late Christmas evening. I was either alone on Christmas so my husband could be with his mom or go there and be totally treated like a piec of dirt. That's whay I don't have sorrow at Christmas time this year thinking of my ex because of so much stress and aguish at Holidays while his wife. But now that things will be getting back to normal it really isn't for me. I'm grieving all over again because the normal times brings up the good times I did have with my husband. My heat beats so fast at night with the feeling of dread in my chest. I don't know how many more loved ones I can lose.

befuddled2

(((Barbara))) It hasn't been that long since he died...Christmas was a distraction and now that it's behind you that wave of grief has swept over you again. It's not uncommon...it takes time, sometimes it takes a long time to go thru that process of grieving. We have all seen how strong you are..so hug yourself from all of us and lower your expectations. It takes as long as it takes.

I have no clue what normal is. *grin

Thank you Alffe,

I'm not as bad as before I think in part because I am more worried about my finances without the alimony my husband was paying. I'm gonna try to go to food bank today.

befuddled2