I just wanted to thank everyone for their kindness, and to tell you all that your hugs and their prayers meant such a lot to me during my most difficult times this week and the last.

The loss of my brother and a close friend in the space of one week did leave me distraught, but I have settled down a bit and I have all my friends here on NeuroTalk to thank for that. I don't know what I'd have done with out you all to help me get through this.

I'm taking one day at a time. I do still have a lot of bad times, but there are some good times starting to sneak in as well.

What has been so very hard for me is the way my brother died. I was denied notification of his death for 5 days, and then found out only by accident. I just can't seem to get any closure on that.

My brother and I had a lot of issues in the past but I still need to get this limbo thing out of my head. I didn't hear of his death in time to mourn properly, and I didn't hear in time to go to his funeral for closure. How can I grieve the way most families do when I was excluded so totally from his death and dying?

I just will not contact his wife (wife number 2) because it was she who refused to contact any of his/my family when he died.

I still have a lot of issues with this that I've not yet over-come. Hopefully given time, I will but for now I'll continue doing what I did before.

Helping others is something I've done since forever! Wanting to help people is probably the main reason I became a nurse 40 years ago. It's always been an excellent outlet for me and it gives me happiness and great satisfaction. Already since my own tragedy, I've been able to turn that help into something worthwhile, so that I not only help another person, but it helps me forget my pain as well.

Thank you every one. You all mean the world to me.

Glad things are settling down a bit for you. You've been so supportive of everyone here, how could we NOT be supportive of you, dear Koala?

Sending warm hugs!

Anne... forgiveness is the hardest thing in the universe sometimes.

and it can take a really long time to pry its way into your heart, and get you to let go of the pain.

think of it as a work in progress, and just let it be as slow as it needs to be, so that it is real and complete.

years later, I still have ugly twinges of anger clawing at my heartstrings, but ever so slowly, I've learned how to gently push them away.

one day at a time, honey... sometimes, one hour, or even one MINUTE.

and don't even think of contacting her until your head and heart are cleared.

we love you.

Anne

You're just receiving some of what you give to others. You're always there with an encouraging word or a cyber-hug. This is what friends do...they help each other. Just like you I have found some of my best friends are right here on this board.

I'm glad things are getting better for you.

(((Koala))) You have such a big heart dear lady and what goes around, comes around.

Just wanted to leave you a hug....

Just popping back in here to see how your'e doing w/your grief, Anne> I lost my Mother one yr today and I just have to keep saying it, as it's so hard to believe that 1 yr has passed.

I hope your'e feeling better and I am still sending to you.

Thank you DM.

Like you I have good days and bad. In regards to my friend I know that I was a good friend, and I have only good memories, but for my brother, it's a whole lot different.

Sometimes I get teary and think about words that could have been spoken but never were. Things that should have been forgiven that never were. Discussions we should have had, but never did.

It's all too late now, and knowing a little about my family traumas, you'll know that my sister has always caused me a lot of pain....... Well, know she tells me she intends doing to me exactly what my brother did. If she dies before I do, she has left instructions that I not be told about her death. We're not even estranged. We speak to each on the phone every week or two, and email each other several times a week. We live in different states so getting together is difficult, but you may remember she refused to come visit me a couple of months ago when she was here to visit her friends. It would have taken an hour an half to drive here to see me after my operation!

I just don't know what I ever did to my family to deserve all these rotten things they've put me through.

My heart breaks for you, Anne. It just isn't right for your Sis to say those things. Does she think you could not handle losing her or do you think it may be a "control" thing?

I hope she realizes soon what a real TREASURE you are and gets her act together. She's missing out on being a Sister. Don't blame yourself for anything; you can't beat yourself up any longer. Hugs to you my dear friend.

Most definitely a control thing DM. It's all about the "perceived" power that she has over other people. Even her own daughtr is fully aware of these games that she plays.

Thank you for taking the time to reply DM. At least it helps to know that others do care.