Two years ago today, my dad passed away from cancer. I miss him dearly. I was daddys little girl, even at the age of 31.

He was my teacher in life. We would and could talk about anything.

My parents have a wood shed. In that wood shed dad and I would have our best talks.
My dad loved his veggie garden, we would have our talks pulling weeds and the like.
He was my dad, my friend. He was my also my husbands "dad" too. He taught my husband so much. Dad was a awesome man. Everyone loved him. In a small town everyone knows everyone.

So many lessons tought to me, that will never be forgotten. So many good times and even a few bad times. Growing up, I never knew we where poor. Dad made sure we where rich in what counts, and that is love.

As a child my brother and I would wait on Christmas Eve for dad to come home from work. He would get a bonus check and go and buy my mom, brother and I gifts. They could of used the money so many other places, but dad spent it on us. It was not much, but those little memories mean the most. All those little ones. I never thought about the little things in life as much as I do now.

I had a dream not long after dad passed. He was in the garden. I wanted to get in the garden to help dad. But for some reason there was this big fence that I could not get over. Dad said it was not my time yet. He was not ready for me. In my dream I started to cry, but dad kept saying those words over and over again, it was not my time, the garden was not ready for me yet.

I ran in a house. It was not my parents house. I seen my dad in the house again. I was crying so hard, as I wanted to be with my dad. In my dream, I grabed on to him. Crying so hard. Not wanting to let go. Dad started to get real bright. Almost to the point I could not look at him. He said he had to go now, and it was not my time. And he turned into a really bright lite, and was gone.
I woke up, crying. But then I understood.

See, at that time. I did want to die. I was down to 104 pounds. I did not think I could live life without my teacher, my father, my friend.

When the garden is ready, I will see dad again, and all my loved ones that have passed.

And he will once again, and I will here those little words I miss so. As I walk into that garden. " well hello there"

I love you daddy. I miss you still daddy. Thank you for all that you did for us. Thank you for everything you taught us. My dad, my teacher, my friend.

Megan

{{{{{Megan}}}}

I'm so sorry about your dad. Your words have brought back such vivid memories of my mom doing these same things for me. The dream most likely seemed so real but I'm glad that your dad was there for you in spirit to help you through your darkest hours.

Hugs,

{{{Megan}}}
I just wanted to send you some hugs. Hang in there. Your Daddy will watch over you!!

Thank you for your replys. I so needed to just talk about it, get it out into words. To honor my dad. Never forget those little things in life.

Things that I never thought growing up that where so important. Little things that dad did, or said, or not said. Those little things I think I miss the most.

When my husband and I built our house, we are only a mile away. I am glad we built here, close to our family and friends.

I had a very hard weekend. I still want my dad at home. A phone call away. We both suffered from spine problems and arthrites. He helped me so much. I still feel lost at times. I still feel scared. Scared of the unknown.

He passed from cancer. Went in for hearburn, 6 weeks latter he was gone. In Gods arms. People say, he is no longer in pain. But, us, family want to hold on forever, never wanting to let go.
I have to still find comfort in this. It seems the world is moving on, and I am at a stand still at times.

I am getting help now, going to a counsler. I should of done this a long time ago. As now, I numbed up my feelings. Emotions are numb, not wanting to feel. I know dad would not want me this way. I know he does not want me wasting my life away. But, to be a survivor. To fight with all I have.

I talked to my mom this morning. She is so strong. Why am I so weak? She told me, I took the passing the hardest.

I have been sick since I have been eight years old. I had to stop working in 1998. I wish I could find something to do to pass them time. I try. I really do try.

This time of the year is so hard for me. This summer I was doing very good. Did lots of stuff. Now winter, and up here winters are so long, so cold. It is like now what? I do not want to end up at that place I was last winter. I somehow have to fight.

Thank you for just listening to me. And if anyone has advice, I sure will take it.

Love to all.
Megs

{{{{HUGS}}}}...Love,CoolAngel26

Megs, your taking your dad's death hard, because you had so much in common with him. Always remember he is with you in spirit in your heart, and he is always watching over you.

I lost my dad almost 28 years ago I was only 14 and I too had so much in common with him, I still miss him to this day, and I always feel his presence within me.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

DaisyMae

((((((((((((((((((Megs))))))))))))))))

Tears are falling as I have just finished reading your post. I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I have lost both parents but it was my Mom that I was so close with. There are days that I don't think I can go on without her. To feel her arms around me and giving me one of her big bear hugs would mean so much. Death is so final. There's no more picking up the phone, just to say Hi, or stopping by to have lunch together. My Mom was my best friend. We went shopping together all the time and laughed at each others jokes. I held her hand when she took her last breath. When the guys from the funeral home came to take her away, I kept holding on to her and hugging her, afraid to let go. Finally, the hospice lady pulled me away. After that, weeks went by and I was in a daze. I couldn't concentrate on anything as my mind was always on Mom. It has been four years now and things are a little better, so I guess what they say about time heals all is true. And, I will always remember what she said to me before she passed. She said "miss me but don't mourn for me." I just haven't learned how to do that yet.
So, I don't know if this has helped at all, other than to let you know that there are others out here that feel your pain and know what you are going through. Just remember, your Dad will always live in your heart and is just a memory away.
Know that I care,
Linda