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12-20-2006, 02:25 PM
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Young Senior Elder Member
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by John W. James, founder of the Grief Recovery Institute in Sherman Oaks, CA
The statement "Time heals all wounds" may be well-intentioned, but it does little to help a person who is grieving. Time alone doesn't heal - it's what you do with the time that helps resolve the pain. Everyone experiences loss from time to time - whether it's divorce, the end of a relationship or the death of a loved one. Although grief is a natural response to such events, we often deny the strong feelings. Problem: Unresolved grief can result in depression and low energy levels. It can also weaken the immune system, which can lead to hypertension, ulcers, the flu and other conditions. Good news: By identifying and acknowledging the emotions associated with grief, you can learn to live with loss - rather than be consumed by it. Here's how to help yourself - or a loved one - cope effectively... How to Help Others After several days of sadness and emotional shock, the bereaved person inevitably begins to review his/her emotional relationship with the loved one. This is true with all losses, including divorce, job loss, the death of a loved one or even a beloved pet. Relatives or friends of the griever can facilitate this process by listening in a nonjudgmental way and encouraging the person to talk about his feelings. Here are several topics that a bereaved person NEEDS to talk about... **Circumstances leading up to the loss. Grieving people have a strong need to explain exactly "what happened" in a safe setting, without having their reactions judged or being confronted with "insights" from the listener. **How the bereaved person found out about the loss. Did he hear about it over the telephone? In person? Some other way? It's important to talk about how this news was relayed - and the emotions that accompanied it. this will help reduce the emotional tension attached to the bad news. **Stories about the loved one. Hearing fond remembrances from other people helps put the relationship with the loved one into a much broader emotional context. Even in the case of divorce, truthful memories are helpful. No one gets married anticipating a divorce.
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