I am lost in my own mind.
Have been searching for me my whole life.
I look in the mirror and see a person I dont know.
She is a very beautiful ugly person is all i know.
She has never been touched by a loving hand as she chose a man with no emotions, she has enough for both of us.
These days she is hold up in her in own little room.
She wakes up feeling happiness, turns up the music and dances a dance.
There is joy and optimism in her heart.
She puts her hand on the doorknob, hesitates to turn it, she knows whats on the other side.
She looks around her safe room one last time, takes a deep breath and prepares for the battle.
She opens the door, it hits her all at once,almost knocking her down.
She is very strong, nothing can do her in but herself.
She has been fighting since day one, she knows the drill, mouth shut , do what your told, hide her away and precede to **** up another beautiful day.
So that is what she dose.
She ends her day back in her room, all by herself.
She is sitting in the corner ,tears running down her face, she has her hand on the cold wall, it reminds her that this is all real.
She knows she died along time ago, but pain keeps her alive.
She sit and ponders who tortured her first, was it them or was it her.
She thinks for awhile, takes a vote, just as she thought, it was her all along.
What a worthless piece of crap she turned out to be, if she was something else, something better, he, them and they would have loved her.
She has spent her life pushing and holding on for dear life all at once.
46 years of being a daughter, sister, wife, mom and the best person she knew how to be.
She sits in her corner were she feels safe, the cold wall gives her comfort.
There is no one left to rescue her now, she smiles, job well done.
Tears,,
She swallows the sadness, loneliness, hate and fear followed by a few pills and a cold drink of water.
She looks at the bottles, touches them, wonders how much more she can take before she empties them all at once. Her eyes close, hand over her mouth, no one here's her cries....

Very sad Sammy, well written. Please be safe.