Originally Posted by ELna

Update on my situation. Thank you for all the help again Bryanna. I'll update once in a while.

Last month: tried to heal, lost another 8 kg. Canker sores that I never had before appeared, healed, etc.

Went back to the hospital today. She said there's no way of knowing for sure whether the perforation is closed or not but as my nose still gets wet after I drink there must be still a communication. The site looks better but still red. I asked to wait another two months maybe it closes on its own she said ok. I didn't tell her that noone will operate on the fistula, I'll rather live with it from now on.

Do you remember how I was freaking out that something wrong was going on with the gum? Well, she said there's nothing that could be done to expand the oral cavity on the right side - now my inner cheek starts from right above my teeth 14-17, leaving me with a feeling of pulling on the right eye, pain when talking, ruined smile, a deep crease above the upper lip and not proper circulation in between the upper lip and the nose that leaves the area white and horselike. My speech is impaired, I thought it would get better but it doesn't and the stretching pulling either. She said the area can not stretch upwards so this is how it will be. And how I will be. I'm 38, lost my looks forever and cant talk normally - the sound of it is annoying, even hurts my own ears. She booked a consultation with another surgeon to see if it's worth at all to smoothen the surface with laser above tooth 14 - but she thinks not. On the left side the bone broke and the sharp bone piece sticking into my cheek will need to be done if does not settle - but that's nothing, I know.
ah yes and if as she thinks they'll have to close the fistula, the mouth cavity would get even smaller so I just won't have it done.

Also, there is no chance for implants on that side (that might be corrected, not easily though, if i wanted implants but I dont and wont).
It is absolutely sure that I'll never be able to wear dentures.
So let's just hope that I'll die before that - ergo pretty soon

Now I understand why the super(expensive) surgeon acted the way he did, pretending it didn't matter but in the review he wrote he hopes it will become 'acceptable' - he knew I was done just didn't want to say it. Whatever.

Today the surgeon said that I could eat on both sides so I came home and had some soft bread soaked in yoghurt, goat cheese and just a bit of smoked salmon, finally. Washed my teeth, checked with a photo and the site is more damaged than before - the gum broke open a bit along the next tooth. I think it is from the pulling as I moved my mouth. So back to liquids and baby food (1st phase) for a while longer I guess.

I've booked an appointment with the dentist Bryanna you helped me choose and will sort out my bite and try if I can have a partial denture on the left side.

Right now I feel like I don't want to live any longer, with RHS PHN and now this, I'm blaming myself for not saying no to the second surgery and that's the worst. But tomorrow I'll pull myself together and start to learn to live with this too, it could be so much worst it's not a brain tumour or anything like that after all. I can live decades, a long, uncomfortable, shitty life filled with pain and loneliness, since noone will want to be in the company of someone who looks bad, sounds bad and feels bad all the time. Yeeeeeah. Only joking. I'll learn just not starting today.