Its migrane season, along with PMS. I am exhausted. I managed to clean the bathroom yesterday, but now I haven't got the energy to do anything. I am soo anxious about going back to work tomorrow, if I have a job. I stress out every day that I have to work there. I am on the verge of a headache and throwing up right now because of it. I have slept most of the hours since Friday, literally. I am on the verge of a big meltdown. I don't know what to do. I have never been so scared or felt so worthless in all my life. There is no one that can help me.

Each day turns hollow like the last,
A bright young promise, fading fast.
Empty faces turn to see,
That life was never meant for me.


What’s life worth living when you hear...
“Life is just something to fear?”
When those you trusted to help you heal,
Abandon you to life’s foul deal.
My hopes and dreams mean nothing,
When captured by pain’s rude acoming.
Pain placed deep, in my soul,
Set free by betrayals Troll.


Where to turn when anger strikes you?
When love and peace try to fight you?
What to do when all you know is a lie?
When all you can dream is, this effort to die?


Where to turn, when Hopes last blossom fades?
Who to trust, when Truth’s painful vision trades?
Hope for Defeat, Trust for Fear, and Love for Pain,
How hard it is to make Death stand tall and plain.


Six feet under the eternal sleep, some wish to leave,
Sweet words for that which courage fails to achieve.
For that which Wisdom fears, while Pain desires,
Is the simple truth that sets the Heavens on fire.
Forever to seek, Forever to yearn,
Never knowing, Never to learn.


There’s a key that sets you free to roam...
Forever free from your embattled home.
The question is... Where to turn?

Resqgirl...I'm really sorry that you are still feeling so bad.

I've been following your recent posts, and it hurts me to see someone in this much pain. Especially when it's this kind of pain.

I've been there. When I was misdiagnosed with lymphoma a while back, it actually made me feel HAPPY for a while, because I believed that my problems might finally be coming to an end. I don't think that illness hurts as bad as the emotional pain that goes along with it.

I know we're not buds or anything, so this may sound cheap, but I have been worrying about you for the last few days. I hope things get better for you. I hope you can pull out of this slump. I hope you get to keep your job, but that's not as important as your health and happiness.

Please keep posting, and if it helps, throw all the broken pieces out here in the open where we can try to help you sort them out...

Idealist