Yes I have gotten some good advice here.
I'm trying to be positive,but the depression has been with me for a couplpe of years now. I've been trying to find my place in life.
It's just gotten really bad lately.
I've always been really internal this is really the first time i've talked about everything.
Thank you all I'm going to try to make the best of everything.
:)
I know I can get through everything that gets thrown at me.
And I will it's just really hard to do alone.

((((((Darwin)))))),

I've been fighting BAD depression for close to 50 years.

I figured out (but doctors never believed me) that a lot of it was hormonal. It's eased up quite a bit since menopause. Also eased up TREMENDOUSLY since the invention of Prozac (SSRI) and Effexor XR (SNRI).

I think I was dispatched on this path by my brother's suicide at age 21 (although I'd had half-hearted efforts earlier than that). I was only 22 and had to arrange for an autopsy and a military board of inquiry. Looking back, I can see how cruel my Mother was to put me in charge of that. But, she did what she had to do.

I've learned over all these years of good therapy, bad therapy, hospitalizations, and HORRENDOUS therapies and HORRENDOUS doctors that the methods that worked best for me were: talking (a lot) and writing.

It's interesting, the entire time that I was with the most beneficial therapist I kept journals. He actually read quite a few of them as part of the therapy.

The thing with journals is they become a written record of your strength.

I believe that those of us who struggle with depression or chronic pain or chronic illness -- and survive -- have an innate strength that we're not always aware of.

When you're in the middle of the bottom of the pit, it's hard to realize and to even remember that you've gotten through this before. The books become a way of ACTUALLY SEEING that you **CAN** get through this.

I think the most important part of getting over a depressive episode is the drugs. I believe in the not too distant future, they'll be able to do a blood or urine test and determine that you're missing or short on some component and just be able to give you that one component. There are a lot of drugs that have been on the market for decades now and they've demonstrated their usefulness. You DO have to stay smart about what you're taking and what any side effects are. I find talking to your pharmacist and http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/ extremely helpful. I also have current book about drugs in my library. Before I start taking anything new, I read the enclosure about side effects. These drugs are pretty powerful; it doesn't pay to be uninformed.

Once you get the brain chemistry leveled out a bit, it's time to do the hard part. Write and talk. Figure out WHY you have a depressive reaction to some of the things in your life.

It's a lot of hard work. But, doing the work, and understanding how your brain and your body work together, makes it a heck of lot easier to cope with depression the next time it lands.

I know how hard this is for you, Darwin. Been there, done that, got several t-shirts http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...am-t-shirt.jpg It's BETTER on the other side, believe me :cool:

Hugs. And good luck.

Barb

PS: You're NOT alone.

Listen to the moose...she always has great advice. And you are not alone...
the middle of the bottom of the pit only "looks" like a black hole...it has sides and if you look up....there are a lot of us reaching down to help. :hug:

Journals & dreams
 

Morning Darwin, I agree with Moose on the drugs & the journal. One of my therapists also had me keep my journal right beside the bed so I could write about my dreams. Sometimes the anti-depressants bring out some vivid dreams (at least this was my experience).

I've also suffered from depression for many,many years. Don't allow this to rule your life,seek medical help. Try some drugs. I used to call Zoloft my "happy pill", my reaction was immediate,like day versus night! After awhile it worked in reverse however & I was more suicidal than before. Each person will react differently. Be sure to ask questions about any drugs & do some research.

And I like the vision of the black hole having sides.....we must climb out! There's help right here for you,so reach up & let us help you.

Buttons:hug:

I actually have been keeping a journal recently. I thought it would be a good place to get a lot of my frustrations out.

Barb,

Going back and re-reading what you wrote weeks or months later after your doing better can be a real eye opener of how bad your really felt and how far you have come.

You can feel a great sense of accomplishment.....