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-   -   i don't want to feel anymore (https://www.neurotalk.org/depression/213593-dont-feel-anymore.html)

St George 2013 05-16-2015 09:45 PM

And you Mr Dave !
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EnglishDave (Post 1142778)
Dear Eva,

You know it will happen again, if not, you will always fear it - but as you say:

BUT FOR EVA I KEEP MYSELF AROUND

That is reason enough for everything. Imagine how safe she felt, finally clutching your hand so early in the morning.

THERE is your Faith, the faith your Granddaughter shows in you, glowing and burning in the Darkness to burst forth as your Faith in The Lord.

You know it is stronger than any setback.

Dave.

What an awesome person you are ..... I am so happy you are here with us :)

Debi from Georgia

ger715 05-19-2015 11:32 PM

Dearest Eva,
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by eva5667faliure (Post 1142774)
and for that i thank you all
i cannot express the inner pain
she walked out sometime in the early morning hours
and says sorry i won't do it again
that my friend will never be the case
BUT FOR EVA I KEEP MYSELF AROUND
HOW CAN SHE WALK OUT ON HER CHILD
GIVING HER CORISSA'S ROOM SO MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
CAN CUDDLE
MY GRANDDAUGHTER CAME IN MY ROOM AT 4:OO IN THE MORNING CRYING WHERE IS MOMMY
I SWOOPED HER UP PUT HER IN BED WITH ME AND CORISSA
SHE ASKED TO HOLD HER HAND
SHE HELD ON SO TIGHTLY SHE WOULD SHAKE
AND ALL I COULD TELL HER
mimma and titi (corissa) will Never leave you
she says i know mimma
then asked why was mommy so sneaky
i am sooooooooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaad
i am tired of the disappointed
you know where i want to be
not yet
and when i'm gone
that will be it
i cannot feel anything but
sadness
pain
abandoned
tired
throwing in the towel
where is my Faith
what happened to it
me



Thank God you are there for Little Eva; just imagine if you weren't. She knows where to find you. You will see God in her eyes. Your reward is great!!!


Gerry

eva5667faliure 05-23-2015 06:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by St George 2013 (Post 1142790)
Children see it all don't they Eva ? So smart and yet so young. I see it in my grandchildren all the time.....that extra sense they have that hasn't been taken from them yet....they know.

And God Love Her she needs your love and physical presence. So glad you are there for that sweet child.

And then we all sing......

Jesus loves the little children...all the children of the world.....red and yellow, black and white they are precious in his sight....Jesus loves the little children of the world

Ta Da !!!

Lots of warm hugs for you tonight my friend......:hug: :hug: :hug:

Debi from Georgia

love this

my granddaughter sings to me every morning

"good morning
to you
the birds are chirping"
and then proceeds to squawk
three times
i melt
love me

eva5667faliure 06-02-2015 05:52 PM

left again
 
my seventeen took off again
it is almost two hours now
she was suppose to go to walgreens
up the block
paper towel
toilet paper
gallon of milk
never to return

i am fried with this life already
all i am doing is thinking the worse
i called her father
i can't take this turd anymore
i want out
out
me

EnglishDave 06-02-2015 06:32 PM

Dear Eva,

For one who writes such heartfelt prayers in response to a plea from a friend.
For one who is always there with kind words for those in need.
For one who cares about all her family despite the negatives they sometimes bring.
I offer my unwavering support while a situation looks Dark.

Dave.

eva5667faliure 06-02-2015 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnglishDave (Post 1145966)
Dear Eva,

For one who writes such heartfelt prayers in response to a plea from a friend.
For one who is always there with kind words for those in need.
For one who cares about all her family despite the negatives they sometimes bring.
I offer my unwavering support while a situation looks Dark.

Dave.

thank you
i am tired
me

eva5667faliure 06-04-2015 11:15 AM

Broken
 
A broken life
Mine
This is the third attempt at this message
Lost so much writing
So much
This time I posted it
Here goes
Please understand the anger that may be present is because I need to type all over again

In hind sight of last night and what was said before she went to bed
Her reason so she says was the shopping she did
Getting any help what so ever is rare to none
A list given to her in detail
Asked her to please call me before going to the register
She uses her phone constantly
But never for home or like this situation
i asked her to call

So she is reminded the time it took me to put the list together
as we are on a strict budget
We now receive food stamps
A strict budget
I believe as her councilor concurred with a conference call
Ill explain
after her taking off not to return
did on the next day coming home from another
state NEW YORK CITY
Got home just in time to be picked up and taken to her program
all of his contribution (fathers) to his daughters recovery is piccking her up twice a week
When I called to say she took off again
he says wait till the morning
And I did not hear from him
until the next afternoon
and feels it is all a farce

This all may just pull me apart
Her explanation for flight according to her
I was picking at her
And let me just say
Whenever there is a lesson to be learned
paying attention to instructions is one of them

In reality
It turns out in the brief explanation (above)
I noticd hickies on my daughters neck
Hoping to get some insight to what happened

Taken totally aback by what I see
The utter manipulation I think to myself
Uses me as a excuse to get away
Not doing anything about getting her GED

She is making out necking with GOD knows who
One of her social media hook ups
A friend of a friend
Got on a bus to New York

I know
I'm all over the place

The pieces are broken
Many pieces lost
Never to be found
I am slowly dying inside
As I do not get this comment
First
And it starts with her father calling me
out of control screaming
I don't care what the blank YOUS blanking do
I don't want anything to do with Corissa or me
It turns out he told Corissa he wasn't picking her up
from her program
So
I get a chance to say
Thank you for validating what I always suspected
He hung up on me and went to pick her up
a twenty minute half hour ride
He says he has a life and picking her up interfers
with his life
Now my kid has no clue he called me and said what he did
I called the program to inform of the situation

Finally
She comes home from the program not to speak to him the ride home
So she says
I get a brief explanation from her why and what happened
And to see the hickies
When I was home crying my guts out with all the worse case scenario
over and over in my head
She left at 4:00 in the afternoon
I did not hear from her until 11:00 ish
And beg her to come home

She won't answer her phone or the texts
I was lost
Until the next night

And in the end
Here is what she says

I want to stay here

But if I had it my way
I would do half with my father
because he can get her what I can't
She could relax
Be in a different environment
And be here with me for the emotional support
As much as it may be a compliment
I crumbled
I never taught my child to be materialistic
This all began at a young time in her life

My live journal here is testament to my pleas for her father
Stop what your doing I told him
You are making the situation worse each time
The last time she took off
He rewarded her with a nose ring and since the
a going piercing

This is certainly not about me
But I am involved wether I like it or not

There was nothing I could say
She went to bed without Eva

Right noe
Today
I got up and painfully
Did what needed to be done
Including
Taking out the trash
as I walk closer to the compacter
I see yesterday's trash in the hall
She never took the boxes downstairs
I got on the elevator and did it
I have nothing to say
I am confused
Lied to it was premeditated
She was necking
Oh how I want to just die
It's to much
Way to much
The babies mother is here
Letting her see Eva
I cannot count on them to do the right thing
Like make lunch for the baby
Instead her mother asked if she could eat something
So ill get off and just do
I hate my life
I'm sorry God
E V E R Y T H I N G H U R T S
I W A N T N O T T O F E E L
A N Y M O R E
ME

ger715 06-04-2015 11:55 AM

Eva,
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by eva5667faliure (Post 1146333)
A broken life
Mine



In addition to pain, dealing with these family issues is heartbreaking. The only thing I can do is to let you know you are cared about. Pray that love and prayers will hold you up. You are never alone.


Gerry

eva5667faliure 06-04-2015 03:29 PM

i am the reason for the sadness so she says
 
she is going to live with her father
and wants me to be in her life part time
i cannot do that
i know what this is all about
i know the truth
and so her father wants to after all the times i
asked him to come and sit down and let us three
talk when she was in school
him allowing her to wear inappropriate clothes
i want to die
i hurt so badly

eva5667faliure 06-04-2015 04:15 PM

so what now
 
my child is leaving
and the babies mother
wants to move in
how quickly we forget
how can she be so cold


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