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06-10-2015, 07:31 AM | #121 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Dear Dave
Pacing myself i do I am not arguing the point Just telling it like it is My child has left dishes in the sink For days on end To handle dishes the way a person would washing them is as painful as typing my messages they hurt so badly they itch The insides Do you know what I mean The mummified feeling This what I am do is actually helping move them It will take about a good two or three hours for them to feel loosened up My head will always feel like it sits on a toothpick And the tears are beginning to flow Oh sweet Jesus I am so sad I make myself sick My medicine in my system My pain that I feel because I cannot take anything for the nerve pain this many forget Much of the painis nerve related My mechanical pain I know independent from the nerve Does this help with understanding what pain I speak of Only my depression is exasperated by the PAIN PAIN OF ALL KINDS ALL WRAPED UP IN A BUNDLE a bundle My hands to awake me again My feet that shuff the floor as I go to void Not to be able to naturally go I have tried miralax Gerry no help I know I do not have to explain the uncomfortable feeling sometime I get nauseous May not want to hear it but it is just another thing to live with Today I have an appointment for myself and daughter Obgyn I am way over due Only this time it's because I'm sick and tired of doctors Today it's sunny I unable to get up yet to go to the terrace I want so badly not to want to feel like I do I would rather be HOME with my Father I am not that someone who has a special someone I need human touch I need conversation with that counter person Such as taking Corissa to school and on my way home Stop off and got a coolata I remember them days And sparking up conversation with the regulars that came in every morning Oh Gerry I remember And the blanking water works again This is what I am speaking of The crying out of control My face has been swollen for two weeks I can see my cheeks I hate it Thank God I'm not a makeup person How my dear friends does depression become the new me Not holding on to it As it has always present I am a monster This is what I became in these few weeks All I have is sadness loneliness no job no friends even though I knew it would end like it has People just stay away This place is where I come for human contact I'm to sad to go on Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (06-10-2015) |
06-10-2015, 09:18 AM | #122 | |||
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Magnate
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Dear Eva,
I know the difference between nerve pain and mechanical pain. For the nerves I take Lidocaine Infusions, Ketamine and the Topiramate helps. For musculoskeletal, Tramadol, Morphine and Arcoxia - and I max out the allowed doses up to 4 times a day. I am lucky they work - somewhat, I am at 4-5 painwise after my meds. I have lived with that, so I CAN live with that. The Topiramate is an anti-convulsant I take for my chronic Cluster Headaches. When I had to increase the dose this February I found my Neurological pain went down. I read they now treat extreme pain with Topiramate and other anti-convulsants. The side effects can be rough to start with, but maybe your Doctor could look into these meds for treatment? Before I came to this Forum I had been left with no Social Life whatsoever. This Community has given me a Window on the World and has put me in touch with wonderful Friends like you. My personal situation means I am very happy with all this. You WILL find the strength to do those things you long to do. I sincerely believe this is just a terrible phase, which will ease and pass. Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (06-10-2015), ger715 (06-10-2015) |
06-10-2015, 02:59 PM | #123 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
There has been disturbing news as my shrink calls me and I get to find what matters most I will explain when I have it in me Maybe after I take a shower and turn in to retire Gerry and others Know I love this place and all involved God bless each and every one of you My special place To myself I am true Love Me
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someone who cares eva |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (06-10-2015), ger715 (06-10-2015) |
06-10-2015, 05:08 PM | #124 | |||
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Magnate
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Dear Eva,
We may all be battered and broken, Body and Mind in turmoil. But we have the Strength Of a whole Community. Nothing can diminish us, Anything is achievable Together. Share with us when you are able. Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (06-10-2015), ger715 (06-10-2015) |
06-10-2015, 09:12 PM | #125 | ||
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Magnate
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Quote:
Eva, I can't even imagine doing all the housework you are doing. I know you are a clean-a-hollic; but you may have to look the other way. Between the clothes your daughter won't wash and dishes won't do is terrible. Would be good if you could just leave your daughter's laundry pile up until she has nothing clean to wear. Same with dishes. You are not their housemaid. You mention Miralax not working....FYI, with all the meds (especially narcotics) constipation is awful. I need to take 2 doses of Miralax daily. I take one around 8:30a.m. and the other after noon; otherwise I really back up something awful and painful with protruding colon. You just might have to up your Miralax since one is not working for you. I am thankful for the Ambien CR which helps me to get at least 5 hours of painless sleep every night; otherwise the awful spine pain, along with the PN would make sleep almost impossible. I have to go tomorrow early a.m. for fasting lab work. Next week have my PC (Endocrinologist) appointment as well as Pain Management doctor appointments. As all of us do; dread doctor appointments. I, like you, look forward and so ready to go "home". For you tho, there is a need to stay here for Little Eva. Hold on dear friend. The Eva I have been posting/talk with is not a quitter. Gerry |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (06-11-2015), eva5667faliure (06-11-2015) |
06-11-2015, 11:44 AM | #126 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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my dear friend Gerry
i have no choice but to leave her clothes the babies laundry can go every two weeks thank you for understanding my shrink calls me yesterday after i called medicare having received an EOB telling my shrink wasn't being paid for services rendered on certain days i find out that my private insurance from my previous employer wasn't void from the system i was assumed to still have private insurance so all taken care of was instructed to contact any doctors i have seen and to explain if the doctors were not paid to posting so i do not loose this be right back to finish resubmit bills after ten business days he calls and says that i have been duped i say why would the person who works for this non profit agency not have my best interest at heart he repeated and said you've been duped i don't know of the company Care Point Advantage it is a marriage to Medicare but it know is primary and my red white and blue card is secondary well bottom line issssssss he is not happy with the payment he receives for services rendered and continues to go on and say get ready i can still dispense you alpratazam generic form for xanax for anxiety i was floored to hear that first as if its the meds is the issue at hand then i tell him why is it ALL my other doctors are working with CarePoint the next thing he says its has to be a Hudson County thing insinuating that Bergen County is for the rich i then came back with well now my oncologist not only has a office in Hudson County he also has a office in your neck of the woods and i have been seen by him in his neck of the woods i was mortified silence so the next thing i tell him none of what he was saying made sense well it's all about payday hes not happy so all the time i spent with him mean and meant nothing i will have my pain doctor dispense the meds and decided not not to do therapy again i invested so much time with him talked about the past and had hoped to heal the little girl inside of me i'm disgusted felt dirty as if he never listened does this hit home with anyone i still am cold also duped by him i posted my myleogram done a Hospital for Special Surgery New York City and a few other ones that show the hemagoma that is at my sweet spot my forth emg report today a crappy day the babies mother made it difficult love me
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someone who cares eva Last edited by eva5667faliure; 06-11-2015 at 04:52 PM. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | ger715 (06-11-2015) |
06-12-2015, 10:48 AM | #127 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Humidity thru the roof
Oh so horrible on this tethered body Bound not by choice But because of the weather The weather I yet to sit in the sun Go into the pool Where I am weightless To feel my spine open up as I go further and further I walk in The blanking weather dictates 90% of the time what this body will suffer Tired tired of the never ending pain No not just something tiny like the everyday headache I just live with Controlled by caffeine Doctor recommended it helps keeping the throb dull I need to get my license as it has been lost and having to go to the DMV is a project in itself My pain specialist filled out the form for a handicap logo Several weeks have past the script and application has a life span of two months So I have to get on the ball Unable to make OBGYN appointment Dr. was in delivery A month for next appointment Asked for them to send script for sonogram for the hreast exam Gloom and doom lives in this gut of my My head telling me differently I know better and I must shake it off This depression exasperated by unwelcomed situational problems And I must pull myself up And in the end This day will too end Love Me
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06-13-2015, 10:18 AM | #128 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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not to ever know why he killed himself
i was aware of the depression i remember my blanking shrink all that time for what trying to get out of this trap a vicious cycle never to see his grandchildren he too suffered mental disease addiction and most importantly depression a man who had me at the age of 29 no time did i see him as a amputee and it be a accident on the job this all in South Africa in the city of Durban in the end like the last few years left in his life he looked like a junkie a well dressed junkie from his job to the bars to the week-end parties playing cards from a Friday night to Sunday if it wasn't that it would be fishing for the week-end what was he feeling on his last days i was told he dressed in his best suit and left never to return how can i not wonder if he too did not understand "it" i conscious of my depression the changes in my body just on a hormonal level i may not have a period anymore but this body is not over i have a extreme fluxes going on and it effects me in a huge way what was on his mind i will always wonder even through his letter, note whatever you want to call "it" as i am going through "it" myself there this family and i could be the only one the depression must be lifted it is so strong sometimes i amazed at its hold and strength and i am trying so hard not to dive even deeper wanting not to feel would be so much better but i also know better will keep coming for i must love me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | EnglishDave (06-13-2015), ger715 (06-14-2015) |
06-13-2015, 06:26 PM | #129 | |||
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Magnate
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Yes Eva, keep coming. We will always be listening, understanding, hurting with you, supporting you.
Dave.
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You and I are yesterday's answers, The earth of the past come to flesh, Eroded by Time's rivers To the shapes we now possess. The Sage - Emerson, Lake & Palmer. |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (06-15-2015), ger715 (06-14-2015) |
06-18-2015, 08:02 AM | #130 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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For anyone who is suffering depression
There is the word HOPE As my morning began with a very positive phone call How I fell inside my gut is joy for a friend who is trying to find his way back again I can only be by his side as a spiritual friend who we both know there is a power greater than us My depression would be something I must not lean on My depression does not want me to be productive I can and I will slowly begin to be thankful rather than wallow in my mess I am a strong willed person Now to get the body there is a different thing Today I have my pain specialist appointment I have come to the conclusion I will give taking something I a scared to venture into again But the pain is that great I am speaking about addressing my nerve related problems My hands and feet are out of control The pain just overwhelming everything in my life and those around me Still have a good number of doctors to go to Hating it But I must as I have to stick around till my Father calls me home To thy own self be true
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