that starts in my gut
just will not go away
and i must keep fighting
that's what he said
"keep fighting"
love
me

As it is only a feeling
"It" is not something I
ever experienced manifesting
physically
The pits an absolute horrible
feeling
It has been very difficult fighting
"It" with all the might I muster up
just doesn't cut it
The only consolation i have is God the
Father has the knowledge of my sickness
and sadness
Today isn't any different
So all I have is to push through another day
Love from those who understand and support
Love
Me

Dear Eva,

I know well the sickness and the sadness, worsening as every day passes with increased pain in my neck and arm, and new numbness in my hand. I have been robbed of my calming Meditation Hour, no position allows enough freedom from sharp, referred pain that brings tears.

I am not even able to participate fully here because typing is so difficult and painful - double vision is enough to contend with. This deepens the Depression further.

All I have is the thought of my Friends here, caring and supporting across the countless miles. We are part of a Community which never lets us down, always listens.

So, let us allow His Spirit to lift us once more, help us push through the Dark Days, while our bodies and minds recover from the latest turmoil.

Dave.

my dear sweet friend Dave

happy to call you my friend
you do understand
you do listen
you suffer in deep
physical and emotional turmoil
i will be happy to go through the Dark Days with
You
may the Spirit enter our hearts and minds
may our physical pain be lifted just enough
to enjoy even the simplest thing such as
sound rest
no pain just for a brief moment
with all my love
thank you for sharing always
you are gifted in you words of
wisdom and more importantly
comfort
love me

p.s. have been hitting the pool
my granddaughter is swimming
and loving it
be well
i too type with a pencil eraser side
it has a curve to it

Much Love to Eva and to Dave!

Hopeful Healing,
DejaVu

i am at the end of everything
that ever meant to me
the inconsideration
the unpredictable emotions
the brutality with her mouth
unacceptable
not allowed
Christine is not behaving
and i get dumped on
not going down
how screwed up is this life
her excuse for being utterly disrespectful
is
"she's emotional"
not happening
this cookie has just about had enough
she's out of her bloody mind
and i'm not kidding
i am broken all over
everything hurts
someone please tell me
how not to care
me

(((((((( EVA ))))))))
Wrapped in Divine Healing Love

Eva, may you heal from the pain. May you be given insight in how to handle your relationship with Christine.

May Christine gain insight into how she is hurting you, others and herself with her emotional reactivity. May she heal from her inner pain. May she find healthier alternative behaviors.

Much Love,
DejaVu

Dear Eva,

Switch off your love, put aside your emotions and become a callous, bitter woman!

BUT that is not you, nor will it ever be. One who loves is always at risk of heartache caused by others.

The option, being an unfeeling, empty shell, unable to connect with anyone or anything - or even Him - is too great a loss to contemplate.

Dave.

everything i know and understand
to be a mother
is to be a listener and teacher
i love for my children
for them to one day be happy
with their life

i have lost everything
my job i miss dearly
a job that landed me
it was a sweet job
in all my years of hard work
it was the sweetest for politics
screwed up
and i was found to be in the "right"
and a job made for me
there might be some who understand
what this meant
in my time working
never was a job at EMS late
as these puppies would fall asleep
and i would have to wake them
this was a perk for them
i didn't mind
as many were working two jobs
and or going to school
no doubt i kept the division honest
and was a asset

my child mentally lost
body in a non repairable
she is not recommended
to become pregnant anymore
as her kidneys are in very bad
condition
she is back on insulin
the protein in her urine out of control
her sugar most times spike over 300
almost a norm for her
i tried to explain
how she needs to take the bull by the horns
and take control of your body
not to treat it how she does
for that moment she was receptive to
listening
at some of the options she already has
and to start
not to just talk
but actions will make us see
you mean what you say
there isn't anything i wouldn't do for my granddaughter
or my children for that matter

i am hurt tired trusting disgusted used abused falling to pieces
angry

honestly
is e v e r y t h i n g my fault
of course i know better
that doesn't make it okay
to dump on me

i presented a Bible to my daughter Christine
in my packages made up for her and Eva
when she briefly had an apartment
in it i forgot to remove two items
first a tiny book my father must have had
it given to when he was a pilot for the Second world war
it had his picture with him in pilot uniform
a face shot goggles and head piece pilot jacket
second
a picture of peanut
the last child aborted
and am blamed for that also
nevertheless
i was searching for the pictures
and remembered they were in between
the pages of the bible
i ask for them back yesterday
she thinks i gave the book with my fathers picture
and then peanut
i explained i wanted her to have the Bible
but
kindly return the items
the reaction was a raging animal
this from a mother who asks her
to please try the birth control pill
it helps hormone levels in check
that is only now being considered
but her behavior towards me
**** off
i'm not getting any help
she doesn't even do her laundry
really
really
it's not me
this i know
me

I hear ya.