Dear Eva,

Try your best to visit with your friend, only good can come of it.

Dave.

(((((( Eva ))))))
May you feel surrounded by Love

DejaVu

"it" still yet to let up
ripping at my gut
morning after morning
not a day goes by
and feel "it" there
waiting for me
to wake
the pain of my being physically
upon waking no words to explain
to now have to wait till my second dose
to make appointments after taking the second dose
is a must
i am not ready for an increase
as my nerve related problems
cannot be found
and i'm tired and do not like going the the withdrawal
but who cares nobody is truly listening
this is my experience
still waiting for my PAP
and with my history
is anyone paying attention
called and canceled twice doctor delivering babies
ohhhh not to mention
my breast cancer
i had to get script for sonogram of them
last Wednesday of this month
and an script for X-ray of cervical region
as i hit my head twice
both time trying to be careful lifting my head
bam! a nice knot on top

so
that a mouth full
still doing my job as mother
and grandmother
never wavering
in fact
they both want my full
attention
i do the best i can
not looking forward to the holidays
even though i am working so hard to finish my home
it was never completed
slowly it is coming together
i cry with such sadness
this will be my last hooray decorating my home
i have been working on it since they painted the
bathrooms and the ceiling
i attempted to put a coat on my walls
as it is broken up by two colors
put the mirrors up along dining room wall
crying as the pain is so great when in resting position
i want someone to blow me away
and i will never abuse my meds by taking any more
than prescribed
out of shape i an
sad i am as i have no job
to know the job i had
and was unable to return to would blow your mind
yet again
i have no control of my hands and feet
they are just so bloody bad
i want to die
or just kill the parts that hurt
anyone get it

why even bother anymore
my last hooray
love me

Believe me I do get it. This depression is strangling you to no end. Your family issues just add to the depression. Just pray you will get out and visit with the "old friend". I know you are very lonely for companionship/friendship.

I have a lot going on myself; but I am fortunate to have my family to lean on which really helps.

I am dealing with needing surgery for two Ventral Incisional Hernias. One starting just above mid-waist above navel, the second from navel all the way down to pubic area. It will be a very long/large incision.

This is the result of the cancer/rectal surgery incision I had 3 years ago. I am so frightened especially since the recurrence is high, especially with the narcotic meds causing constipation and straining. Also, a very painful surgery which needs mesh implanted. Very high risk of infection; but without mesh it is even more likely to recur. The hernias are enlarging and can strangulate; but fear the additional pain and recuperating so have put off scheduling the surgery.

I will keep you in my prayers.
Please keep me in your prayers.


Gerry

Dearest Gerry

What a b...h it was this morning
And all I on my mind was you
As I was having trouble myself
not having the ability to pass
I have tried miralax as suggested
Not a budge
It may be a problem for some to hear things
of this nature
It is mostly pellets jammed into what should be
a successful elimination
The moment opioids entered this body
as with everyone else
Rarely will there be a urge to pass and push
So unsuccessful
I return to bed the nausea comes to visit
as this now is a chore
There are times it will take a week for something
to pass through
What was the basis of that
eating corn the week before when having crabs
Dear beautiful lady
You have me
like the back of your hand

Corissa sends her heart giving her genuine
concern on you condition
She is doing better in turtle walks
But there is change
Her program is not one to give up on her
Her father on the other hand is a different story
I have held him responsible on many issues

Corissa needs braces for her teeth
Now I could have very easily forced him
rather guilt him into getting the new invisiline
new stuff
Someone who could pay it off in one shot
Knocked her down
I expressed
The insurance we have now does not allow it
As considered cosmetics
Explained how two of her siblings
had them when younger than her
and to look at the bigger picture
A. It will be quicker than quick
B. your smile will shine even brighter
C. Most importantly you will be able to
one day do something and it will leave him speechless
and embarrassed
She was able to grasp the unspoken truth
She will be returning to school
She just wanted to express her thoughts of you

Her sadness was evident when giving her the news

I want you to truly know your constant presence
in my thoughts are alive and your understanding
deeper than the average individual
But befor any of that came alive and you deeper understanding

You continue to inspire
Thank you for your deeper concerns
You know what I speak of

I hope and pray for a miricle
That things just you get
I ask God for the healing of A WILL OF HIS MIGHT
TO REMOVE WHAT MUST GO AND REPLACE IT
WITH HEALTHY PARTS

I could not get off the commode
I could not catch a break
I always wonder
with the prexistance of our
trouble with the opioid curse

Dear friend
My shoulders are broad
My door open
And with that came a wonder
as we pray for each others
Happiness
You are lucky to have family that surround
You when need be
How lucky you are
Prayers always
Much love to you and family
Me

Thank you for your concerns.

Corissa; so glad to hear you are going back to school. I really do care about you. Having heard your voice seemed to make me feel a strong connection with you. Hold on and be good to yourself; you can have a great life ahead;" keep your chin up and hold your head up high".

Eva, as you mentioned the subject matter (BM) is a bit off; but it's a must.
Unless I take two Miralax a day, not much will happen. With these narcotic meds; one is not enough.

I did try the newer prescription capsules Amitiza; but they just made me feel like I had the flu, plus they worked less than the Miralax. I still find the Miralax works the best; but only if I take it twice a day. You might want to try twice a day. If twice a day is too much; then try twice every other day. (It's worth a" try"...lol .)

Thanks for being there.

Love & Prayers,

Gerry

Again
Loosing my writing
Pain out of control
Mind is following

Today I wake to vomit
It be the second attempt
I hate it all
HATE
said it
Will now have to wait to take afternoon Meds
Will not retake morning Meds
Is this how it's going to be now
Before I wake I want to die
Now I have a backed up gut
And am sure the nausea stems from that
What
I don't eat now


Father as you mould me
to your liking
I have lost my way
I am torn
I want to live
But my pain is talking louder

Out all day yesterday
My body on the move
Corissa orthodontist
Buy Eva sneakers
Pick up medicine for all of us
Change Corissas three hoody sweatshirts
Pricey I had to exchange for larger size
All this attributes to what I am feeling
magnified
There are way to many things going on
in the last month
My eventual sonogram of my hollowed out chest
finally to find out what the pain was that I was experiencing
again
Nobody really listening
IS MY IMPLANT AND THE RIPPLING EDGES OF THE BAG
oh my WONDERFUL DOCTORS THAT BUTCHERED ME IN
TWO SEPERATE NOT RELATED
at least I don't think so
Until I think of ALL the X-RAYS MRI CT WITH WITHOUT
SONOGRAMS AND SOME
I will never know
But one thing for certain
I know what the fudge is going on with my body
NO DOCTOR WILL TELL ME WHAT I FEEL
POSTING BEFORE I LOOSE THIS
IPOD ACTING WEIRED
NOT MECHANACLY TECH SMART

Back

Not feeling any better
I am going to permit Christine
with Corissa and friend in tow to go
to the movies
I will rest
as yesterday was an overdone
Push yourself Eva
Look your best Eva
Put lipstick on Eva
All done
For what
I'm miserable
Because I want to move
I mean keep up with the flow of people on the streets
Not to have to step a side so I don't hold others up
Honestly my sister has a beautiful spirit
She said to me in the past two days
Someone who is about to have a third surgery
now a complete hysterectomy
Insurance refusing surgery
Deemed "not necessary"
Someone with a history of
HPV cancer removed cervix
Irregular excruciating periods
at times almost can be considered internal bleed
Endometriosis both d&c that she had
And because the staff did not provide
evidence of all the attempts to keep the overies
Women you do understand why I pray
Needless
Now the doctor and insurance company will do
what is called peer to peer to show why surgery is the only
thing that will stop my sister to have the type of cysts that are
not voiding her body
Rather
She will become ill with fever until the internal vaginal cyst
burst and caused a horrific order and relief
NOW SOMEBODY PLEASE
WHAT THE BLANK IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY
MY SISTER COULD DIE OF SEPSIS WITH THESE DANGEROUS
cysts that was handled step by step

Really
And she says to me
Sis
God is putting this off for a reason
And I understand she has what I want
Complete trust in my Father
She gave me such inspiration

Dear Eva,

I agree with you as to the probable cause of your nausea and vomiting. That doesn't make it any easier to deal with, nor make the fact that your morning meds are useless easier to cope with.

You have been exerting yourself, you need to rest. Do not concern yourself with keeping up physically with the rest of the World. I feel they can learn some manners and darned well wait for me!

As for your sister, it is no surprise you speak of her so fondly. She sounds as much an inspiration to you as you are to us. Please send her my best wishes while she waits for Bureaucracy to get it's head out of it's butt.

Dave.

hi eva. i'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. i also get nauseas from my meds especially first thing in the morning when i wake up. (today doesn't count because i was up all night due to rsd pain and stress. i think i am getting an ulcer.) sometimes drinking milk with my meds helps coat my stomach so i don't feel as nauseas and vanilla activia too. i hope you feel better soon.
i am also sorry for your sister. i too have had endometriosis and the human papilloma virus. (hpv). i have had two major surgeries for them. first surgery they took out my ovaries. second surgery they too out everything else. i still have terrible abdominal pain that they they is due to the rsd spreading to my stomach. (because rsd can spread after surgeries as we all know all too well). i hope your sister can find a dr who will approve her surgery so that she doesn't get more cysts and infections. i would keep looking for a dr who will do this so she can get the proper treatment.
i will pray for your both. i know how hard life can be and how depressing it can be but please don't give up. i try to pay attention to the beautiful things in life like the leaves changing color and the sun rising in the moring. (won't be long for that now.) it doesn't fix all our problems but it helps brighten my day a little.
i care about all of you so i hope you keep trying to hold onto hope that today will be better then yesterday. i am sending healing thoughts and prayers your way and your sisters way.

As I lie on my left side
Not to many positions left
to find any relief
For this body cries out to be
touched
Yet it hurts to get a hug
Regrets I have a few
My mind afloat hanging on
Attached a body that is rotting
quicker than quick
am getting tired of holding it together
the blatant disrespect I will never stand

The office management in this building
For example
I did everything necessary on my part
having to go to DMV please that was another
slap you in the face disrespectful state workers
that were exposed over the years of my life
the corrupt activity giving out illegal licenses
to many not in this country legally as I had to become
a citizen
Nevertheless
I submitted required documentation to "them"
in the office
After thirty days I inquired
about my handy cap spot
that would keep me safe from where
I was given a spot
that left me to go to the car in horrible
weather if I have to go to the doctors
just an example
I was ignored
The wrong thing to do to this cookie
What was the sad fact is this
I am not to be reckoned with when I stand
in the truth
It saddens me to have to become assertive
and make my stance be heard
I bypassed the managers at this point
called main headquarters asked for Simmon
And the message I left went like such
"I am new to the building
And I know my rights
I have complied to the rules
I expect the management to do the same
I believe after thirty day lead time was more
than enough
Please
Do not make me make that ONE phone call"
In less than twenty four hours I was given a spot
that is right out the exit door to the second level
in clear view of the camera
Well in the week it was parked in its new spot
someone in retaliation mode
I believe it to even be
the office who is behind it
as I over road the witch who enjoys
strong arming people in this building
I had ten years experience with the
previous building
A great experience
But a horrific situation with the previous
building the judge stripped him becoming
owner of the building
Being in town picking up my Meds
passed by and the building is under major
repairs
This only two women
myself and another tenant
Ten hard years
And now this building
I DON'T THINK SO
YET AS YOU SAID DAVID
WHERE IS THE MANNERS
WHY CAN'T IT BE A SIMPLE PROCESS
WHY TRY AND STRONG ARM ME
AND THEN RETALIATE
BY KEYING MY CAR
AND THE OFFICE DID NOT WANT TO
VIEW THE TAPES
because
A week is to long to view
So now I do the work for them
Taking video everyday
in the end pan over to the camara
They were in the hope I would move my car
Not going to happen
Informed the office of my intentions
if the situation should happen again
I will call the police
have a report on file
Can you imagine
I mean really
All this unnecessary
If you just do your job
As I did what was required
It sickened me
But now the office gets me
Don't blank with me

Why are there persons
Many in my experience
That are plain BULLIES
NOT ON MY WATCH

anyhow just an example

Doing this
such as accepting money for an apartment
This I know for certain
Persons who have no business living in the HUD
involved building
Two some even three parking spaces
As the owner sent out a notice there is one free parking
per unit
Oh crap just sick of it
I'm getting angry just writing about it
Done

I will not ever allow anyone strong arm me
Or my family

Dear friends of mine
Who put up with my crap
Know I take no pleasure having
not being heard when talking to
management
But it is what it is
and my car gets keyed
Such beautiful people
Would you all agree
And then the one who want
a free ride on my skirt tail
Afraid of
"THEM"

I am sick of the bull turd
Corruption
Sick of it

I still do my duties
As mom and grandma
Today I'm tired

Posting not to loose my writing
Be right back
Someone told me about the
Remember me option
I can't find it
So
Ill just post
Come back via through
Edit
Here I go