As I lie on my left side
Not to many positions left
to find any relief
For this body cries out to be
touched
Yet it hurts to get a hug
Regrets I have a few
My mind afloat hanging on
Attached a body that is rotting
quicker than quick
am getting tired of holding it together
the blatant disrespect I will never stand for



The office management in this building
For example
I did everything necessary on my part
having to go to DMV please that was another
slap you in the face disrespectful state workers
that were exposed over the years of my life
the corrupt activity giving out illegal licenses
to many not in this country legally as I had to become
a citizen
Nevertheless
I submitted required documentation to "them"
in the office
After thirty days I inquired
about my handy cap spot
that would keep me safe from where
I was given a spot
that left me to go to the car in horrible
weather if I have to go to the doctors
just an example
I was ignored
The wrong thing to do to this cookie
What was the sad fact is this
I am not to be reckoned with when I stand
in the truth
It saddens me to have to become assertive
and make my stance be heard
I bypassed the managers at this point
called main headquarters asked for Simmon
And the message I left went like such
"I am new to the building
And I know my rights
I have complied to the rules
I expect the management to do the same
I believe after thirty day lead time was more
than enough
Please
Do not make me make that ONE phone call"
In less than twenty four hours I was given a spot
that is right out the exit door to the second level
in clear view of the camera
Well in the week it was parked in its new spot
someone in retaliation mode
I believe it to even be
the office who is behind it
as I over road the witch who enjoys
strong arming people in this building
I had ten years experience with the
previous building
A great experience
But a horrific situation with the previous
building the judge stripped him becoming
owner of the building
Being in town picking up my Meds
passed by and the building is under major
repairs
This only two women
myself and another tenant
Ten hard years
And now this building
I DON'T THINK SO

YET AS YOU SAID DAVID
WHERE IS THE MANNERS
WHY CAN'T IT BE A SIMPLE PROCESS
WHY TRY AND STRONG ARM ME
AND THEN RETALIATE
BY KEYING MY CAR
AND THE OFFICE DID NOT WANT TO
VIEW THE TAPES
because
A week is to long to view
So now I do the work for them
Taking video everyday
in the end pan over to the camara
They were in the hope I would move my car
Not going to happen
Informed the office of my intentions
if the situation should happen again
I will call the police
have a report on file
Can you imagine
I mean really
All this unnecessary
If you just do your job
As I did what was required
It sickened me
But now the office gets me
Don't blank with me

Why are there persons
Many in my experience
That are plain BULLIES
NOT ON MY WATCH

anyhow just an example

Doing this
such as accepting money for an apartment
This I know for certain
Persons who have no business living in the HUD
involved building
Two some even three parking spaces
As the owner sent out a notice there is one free parking
per unit
Oh crap just sick of it
I'm getting angry just writing about it
Done

I will not ever allow anyone strong arm me
Or my family

Dear friends of mine
Who put up with my crap
Know I take no pleasure having
not being heard when talking to
management
But it is what it is
and my car gets keyed
Such beautiful people
Would you all agree
And then the one who want
a free ride on my skirt tail
Afraid of
"THEM"

I am sick of the bull turd
Corruption
Sick of it

I still do my duties
As mom and grandma
Today I'm tired

Posting not to loose my writing
Be right back
Someone told me about the
Remember me option
I can't find it
So
Ill just post
Come back via through
Edit
Here I go
Is what we go through
not a direct way we "handle"
OURSELVES
I want to be taken seriously
when I am soft spoken
Still waiting for the experience

What is wrong with people today

Is is so hard to smile when passing a stranger
Or a good day be offered
Have I become so hard

DEPRERESSION

Delivery of change
Enormous pain in my case a screwed up spine
Physical is my nature is gone as I knew it
Real you get to see the truth about another human
Enraged to learn pain will be permanent
Sad that doctors more than one failed me and lied
Scared as time goes by I cannot do without consequences
Isolated I am today not by choice
Ongoing so my doctors tell me
Never ending deep doomed unwelcomed sorrow

Do I give into the depression
Never
A constant battle to empower myself
on a daily basis
Worried can I make it through tis day

And because I have a place I can come to
and express my experiences
get feedback
and be cared for
just by listening and know
all will be here if I need a place
that others understand

I DO NOT COOSE TO FEEL WHAT I DO
I AM CONSTANTLY APOLIGIZING TO MY FAMILY
NEVER A THOUGHT I WOULD GET ILL LIKE I AM

SO THANK YOU FRIENDS
LOVE
ME

We are right here for you to spill all the crap you want to !

I'm very sorry about your car but very happy to have a decent place to part now.

Lord I hate to get started on rude, unhelpful people.

Rude.......how hard is it to respond to me when I say "hello" as passing by ? How hard it is to acknowledge when I say "How are you today ?" or when I say excuse me for bumping into someone and they just glare at me. What the heck is going on with people ? Doesn't matter what age...young or old they can get rude. No manners at all. I would still beat the snot out of my grown kids if I were with them and they were rude to someone. I certainly raised them better than that....but they are very polite grown ups. Other than drug dealers my son is loved by many he has helped in his sheriff's deputy duties and now as a narcotics officer. My daughter who has my open personality and loves to live life. Thank the Lord for my children !

And rude employees of ANY business ! I worked in claims for 26 years and I know good Customer Service. I, like you Eva, will not stand for rudeness. There is no reason for it. If you don't like your job then find another one ! I've never understood rude nurses....why in the world would you pick that profession if you don't like people ? Money ? More to life than that I can assure you.

Ok.....you get what I'm trying to say so I'll stop my rant/vent for now.

Oh Eva......I pray for you daily my sweet lady. You have gone through so much in your life and it's so unfair. But life isn't always fair is it ? I know the Lord had his reasons for taking my Bubba but I still feel it wasn't fair to take him at 58. We had so many good years ahead of us.

I have always been against frivolous lawsuits but I believe I will need to talk to a lawyer about Bubba's passing. My biggest issue is that the neurosurgeon did not have clearance from his pulmonary dr before surgery and the c-scan showed his lungs were in terrible shape. Standard practice would have been for the surgeon to send him to lung dr, lung dr would have put him on steroids and breathing treatments weeks before surgery and also pulmonary rehab and possibly other stuff to get his lungs as strong as they could be prior to surgery. Did the surgeon just not read his c-scan taken prior to his surgery ?

If he had done this could Bubba have been with me a little longer ? And when we would go for visits to surgeon as surgery he was really uncaring for all my husband was going through. The PA said most people don't 'make' it when they have this type of tumor. He didn't say whether they didn't make it prior to surgery or during surgery. Could they have told us that PRIOR to surgery ? ABSOLUTELY THEY COULD HAVE. I would love to see the surgeon's deposition from this surgery. He was not available so many times when we needed him after the surgery but thank the good Lord our PCP was right there with us and was seeing Bubba every 2 weeks to help all he could.

Ok enough of that too.

Eva you struggle on a daily basis and try so hard for your children. You are such a special lady and I hate this depression that takes hold of you and won't let go. You have enough on your plate without that. We all so admire you for fighting the fight daily.

Know that we love you dear lady and keep letting it out on here. We all care deeply for you. Even at your worst times you reach out to someone else and offer kindness and support and caring.

Sorry I rambled on and on but I guess I just needed to get it out and reading your post just opened me up ..... here's hugs for you dear Eva

Sorry for any mistakes in spelling/word arrangement. Just doesn't seem worth it for my poor brain to try and re-read everything over and over to fix it.

Debi from Georgia (thank goodness the sun is shining today! )

DEPRESSION

Despairing.
Exhausted.
Pitiful.
Relentless
Endurance of
Sadness.
Scarred.
Introverted.
Outcast.
Negative.

Dave.

dear sweet Debi

may i say one thing

and that be

i am so happy for you
even in your love for Bubba
while he waits for you
till then i'm sure
his love still lives on

the thing i want to say is

you are blessed to have love
and loved in return

Always remember that

i cannot imagine that kind of love
and pain
is this what bittersweet means

thank you for your shoulder
mine here in return

again thanks
love
me

don't we know it
love you
me
keep sharing
your words ring in my ears
me

Oh how upset my eldest has me
It has been since February so much time gone by
without my oldest in my life
We always were so very close
And always extreamly supportive in whatever she did

A beautiful person I would tell people
I would say things such as
"There needs to be more Sara's such like my daughter
and the world would be a better place
I have done nothing to deserve the cold rude shoulder
from her
Especially my oldest
And that special connection began to fall apart with
her and her lazy husband who was worthless for over two years
and lost their apartment his car his license because he lost his job
Lazy I cannot swallow
My daughter also a SSD receipent
was taking care of themselves
My daughter would come to me for help
on many occasions
done to getting her bras and underwares
This while in her thirties
Now did I have the money to do that
Absolutely not
When I got sick
I was on medical leave with no pay
Nothing ever hidden from my children
Except for one thing
We are poor with money
and I always proud at how I would make double
payments on my four plastic cards I own
I cannot make the double payments on my credit card bills

On a average I still meet my obligations
Much of it are purchases for my children
dressing Sara in her thirties while her husband
sat around and took a break for two years
I took care of my daughter from soup to nuts
clothed her and she
knows how mommy would always get them something
What is bugging the turd out of me
He now landed a $60,000 starting pay
He is now capable in many ways to step up and pay up
Reminder: I was asked last year through my daughter
if he could make a purchase on my dell account
For Christmas gifts four dell tablets one WAS suppose
To be for me never happened
This the newest addition to my financial troubles
And things will get tougher when Corissa turns 18
Jesus I leave what I cannot do in Your hands
Between my two eldest children I am owed over five grand
And I struggle payout my debts
They are mine and I have been paying minimum while I was on leave no pay
Took from disability to pay my obligations
Only now my municipal sweet job with excellent benifits
GONE
It will come to one day where I can no longer pay my obligations
Credit cards will be the first I stop paying
Taking off full coverage on my still to owe thirty five hundred
for the car that was keyed fighting for a handy cap parking

Any how estranged since February no resolve

They now have their beautiful apartment to find out my dog
has his own room makes me happy

She is sending out invitations ou for thanksgiving
I know my daughter
She wants what she wants
With good intentions I am sure
Only what happened with my daughter be addressed
I am expected to put things aside and sit at her table
while no amends are made
I cannot be fake
And fake my way through thanksgiving dinner

Will submit and come back and finish my thoughts
Love
Me
Sad

I have spent many holidays at a table full of people and felt like I was by myself. This coming from problems with my son and his first wife.....then 2nd wife and finally his 3rd wife who is now gone and his 3rd ex.

THEY always thought I was the common denominator in these problems but alas it was my son. He, a mama's boy, would never stand up to these women and always blamed stuff on me. Stuff I never said, did or even knew about until their relationships were over. How strange is that ?

I now have a wonderful relationship with both his 1st ex and 2nd ex. I will never have a relationship with his 3 ex as they had no children together and she was not kind to my grandsons.

My son did step away from his family last year for a few months. He found his way back to us right before Thanksgiving. He's had a pretty hard time recently as he was going through the passing of his dad plus the divorce from 3rd wife. He was with his dad when he passed and was able to say what he needed to say. That is the way the Lord wanted it to happen. He promised his dad he would take care of me and help me. It meant a lot to him to be able to promise his dad that. He suffers greatly with guilt as he was not as close to his dad and he should have been. My Bubba tried.....tried everyday with Luke. So he has to carry that with him.

I am so sorry about your daughter. Wish she and her husband would step up to the plate and pay you back.....plus extra just because they 'want' to.

There are still a few weeks before Thanksgiving......maybe something will touch her heart and bring her back to you like it use to be.

Take care dear friend. We are here for you. Everyday.

Debi

Oh how upset my eldest has me
It has been since February so much time gone by
without my oldest in my life
We always were so very close
And always extreamly supportive in whatever she did

A beautiful person I would tell people
I would say things such as
"There needs to be more Sara's such like my daughter
and the world would be a better place
I have done nothing to deserve the cold rude shoulder
from her
Especially my oldest
And that special connection began to fall apart with
her and her lazy husband who was worthless for over two years
and lost their apartment his car his license because he lost his job
Lazy I cannot swallow
My daughter also a SSD receipent
was taking care of themselves
My daughter would come to me for help
on many occasions
done to getting her bras and underwares
This while in her thirties
Now did I have the money to do that
Absolutely not
When I got sick
I was on medical leave with no pay
Nothing ever hidden from my children
Except for one thing
We are poor with money
and I always proud at how I would make double
payments on my four plastic cards I own
I cannot make the double payments on my credit card bills

On a average I still meet my obligations
Much of it are purchases for my children
dressing Sara in her thirties while her husband
sat around and took a break for two years
I took care of my daughter from soup to nuts
clothed her and she
knows how mommy would always get them something
What is bugging the turd out of me
He now landed a $60,000 starting pay
He is now capable in many ways to step up and pay up
Reminder: I was asked last year through my daughter
if he could make a purchase on my dell account
For Christmas gifts four dell tablets one WAS suppose
To be for me never happened
This the newest addition to my financial troubles
And things will get tougher when Corissa turns 18
Jesus I leave what I cannot do in Your hands
Between my two eldest children I am owed over five grand
And I struggle payout my debts
They are mine and I have been paying minimum while I was on leave no pay
Took from disability to pay my obligations
Only now my municipal sweet job with excellent benifits
GONE
It will come to one day where I can no longer pay my obligations
Credit cards will be the first I stop paying
Taking off full coverage on my still to owe thirty five hundred
for the car that was keyed fighting for a handy cap parking

Any how estranged since February no resolve

They now have their beautiful apartment to find out my dog
has his own room makes me happy

She is sending out invitations ou for thanksgiving
I know my daughter
She wants what she wants
With good intentions I am sure
Only what happened with my daughter be addressed
I am expected to put things aside and sit at her table
while no amends are made
I cannot be fake
And fake my way through thanksgiving dinner

Will submit and come back and finish my thoughts
Love
Me
Sad

Now my son informed me as they too just began
speaking to each other
A very tight bond
Sara 3 Michael 1 Christine 3months old
when I seperated from their father
I made a conscious decision not to get involved
I had three children who needed a mother and someone
they never would have to be in compete with for my love
and furthermore I did not trust my own father my ex-husband
or now strangers
NOPE NOT THIS COOKIE
I did entertain the womanly needs
outside my home
Someone my daughter just recently meet
Someone I know since grammer school
Blows my seventeen year olds head

My son calls me after his amends to me
and asks me to call Sara
I did and she said I should put any problems there may be
between us aside
THAT WOULD BE AWESOME

THIS IS NOT ABOUT POWER PLAY ON MY PART
OR TO BE HURTFUL

IT HURTS THAT SHE WOULD NOT RECOGNIZE ACKNOWLEDGE
WHAT HAPPENED and HOW FAR SHE TOOK IT
NO
MAYBE IF SHE SAID SOMETHING LIKE
I KNOW WE NEED TO TALK
CAN WE DO IT AFTER THANKSGIVING
AND WOULD YOU ACCEPT THE INVATATIONS WILL GO OUT
(This be my daughters way of avoiding the matters at hand
especially now that she stopped paying the Dell bill which is hers)
I KNOW MY CHILDREN
THIS HAS GONE ON WAY TOO LONG
EVA SHOULD NOT HAVE THIS IN HER LIFE NOR CORISSA
so I called expressed we need to make amends before I sit at
her table
I need to be happy not sad
and reminded every month as I PAY THE DELL BILL


THANKSGIVING SHOULD BE FAMILY TOGETHER
I cannot be fake
Told my son I reached out
and told him I was not going after she said ifi chose not
to go no big deal there will be more leftovers

How was I going to look past that remark
Yet I wish we would be together

I don't want to hurt
Or to hur her in return
I did not do anything to deserve
her behavior since January "Sky Line Session"
This
Just
Me

Each day I stir in the morning
I am conscious of what is going on
Nowhere in my time of life on this earth
can I remember a time we all just got along
and behaved as what I imagine happiness joy
that we are together at a holiday
If it wasn't my mother and her ex-husband
with her new found family
She made his four children her business
and their children her replacement of her own grandchildren
So
I will not go on as I do not have anything nice to say about her

I am not my mother
I miss my children
Though have a line they crossed with me
that blows me away
I wish them well
Me

After expressing how it disturb me
that my eldest is sending out invatations
for a family thanksgiving dinner
A cop out
Just a way out of not having to talk about what
went wrong between us
He also thought it be odd
Maybe wedding invatations
Another thing I wasn't there for
Yup
Not a part of that either
She never even told me
And I managed to shove that down
somewhere deep
Not forgotten
when crap like this can go down between family
blows my blanking mind
And like Debi my children would too get the back of my
hand if they are disrespectful
I don't get it
How does that give them the go ahead to
the kind of behavior that is put on me
Not the one who feeds you E V E R Y T H I N G
and I do not mean on a material level
I have no reason to hurt my children
It does not enter this beings body to go out of
my way to destroy this family

I am calling management in this building on their crap
Yesterday I went downstairs to get a flu shot
I had just asked the office about my granddaughters
mothers application to see if she was on the list
What management did was say NOMORE APPLICATIONS
what did my God do for me
Just after asking for one for my daughter Christine and Eva
would be just awesome if she could live so close and not be
a slave to the babies father
I was quickly
When she comes home from rehab it is the only place she can go
I did pull my weight and that's all I can
With a prayer
Will return with more to sh
Love me