always my dear friend
we empower each other
i need you with the rest of us
together we hold each other up
thank you for Your support
i stay
to be true to myself
love
me
stay well
and may your days be bright

I have been fighting being visited by depression
so hard
I have been doing good for the most part
I am conscious and aware when it hovers over me
I ask it to leave and come back another time
only in the last two days
IT is really trying to bring me down
I hate IT
once IT gets a hold on me it is really hard to
shake it

My blow out with my middle sister
Was very ugly
VERY UGLY
have her blocked from contacting me anymore
other than sending me a message the old fashioned way
I had mentioned in the past I allowed my sister to use my
Dell card to my nephew who needed it for school
Rutgers college
A woman who is an addict
And there possibly is my answer
She TRIED TO STIFF me of the purchase
Giving me a hard time paying me back
Why I have no clue
But this is where enough is enough
The disgusting things she typed
Disgusting referring to my illness
I contacted my ex-brother in law
My nephews father and began explaining
what my sister was attempting
I think all hell broke loose between them
My sister lies and manipulated so many things
Her now husband who my nephew expressed to my
child this past summer
They are a year apart
He proceeds to tell Corissa
If you could be born into a different family would you
My daughter Corissa told him
My mother has ALWAYS been by my side
No matter what my mother will tell me the truth about anything
she knows
I never lied to my babies
They know e v e r y t h i n g about me
And I would never steer them wrong
So, he said, you wouldn't wish to be born in
another family
Never she said
I can't imagine me not having her as my mother

This is a small indication how tiny he feels at home
My sister is wrapped up with her now husband in the
hospital because he won't stop drinking
The liver transplant unit released him as a patient as he refuses
to follow the what the doctors just have up
He is in the hospital for his failing kidneys
Get the picture
My daughter expressed how George's
Wish this past summer when I had them as guests
at the pool and they would take walks together
As two teenager who are first cousin
He is an only child
Say to my kid
My mother put Paul before me
How bloody sad is that
I am thrilled my brother in law is in my nephews life
I now cut off any kind of commication after wishing me ill
I will not stand for it
And now she is alone with her addict husband and brings it into her home as if my nephew never came across the dirty needdles

May he do well
And he knows he always can come to me
and ask me anything
And if I have an answer
I will always
Tell him the truth
Me

Dear eva,

There is no accounting for taste, but putting anyone before your own child is unfathomable to me.

Keep fighting to have that Depression stay away, you are better off basking in the light.

Dave.

you knew just what to say
thank you
and those who follow
love
me

I have been fighting
And for the most part it hasn't gotten the better of me
Until my middle sister Ildie tried stiffing me it of payment
of the computer she asked me if shecould use my account
with Dell
My nephew is in shape for school
And I get the shaft
Her explication
I don't have it now
You will just have to wait
Her ex-husband will be the one to
pay off the balance
He called and we spoke
I have to this day am clueless
what made her think she was not responsible
I needed to take steps I'd rather not bring up again
It is not something I wanted to do
And I was getting hit hard after paying off the obligations
I have on a monthly basis
I just do not for the life of me
would ever think my sister would think she can get away
saying some of the many untruths
I try with all my might to always keep it real
No lies
Being true to the situation
She then has a picture in her mind
She is better then others kind of attitude
Well she wore this family knot to nothing
She came to me and I was able to help
yet it was agreed paid in two installments
Going into month four
Purchase of computer was 10-2-2015
With a two percent savings as be is a student
When placing the order and the CSR was gracious
Explaining the two percent discount
My sister third party on the line chimes in
"Oh great savings"
Embarrassing
So it does not sit well with my response to her
even though it is fact
Not my truth
But fact
Did not sit well
A functioning addict is not the best
she can do for herself
Especially with the amount of money she is making
simply because of the almost thirty years
And is very capable with her income
My nephews father had a quadruplet bypass
He had is heart attack in his mid forties
That was six years ago
Was a workaholic
Now unable to work
He did not recover like some do
And he called and made apologies for her
It got nasty even in truth
So I wasn't any better at the situation
I couldn't bite my tongue
And it is over once again
If not till one of us dies
I will pass on amends
Ask my Father to forgive my behavior
Now what happened this time around
I was assure she was a different human being
Not the case
She robbed our biological parent out of
Thirty thousand dollars
About fifteen years ago
Not standing for her trying to stiff me
Puts my depression on another level
And I don't want to hear
IT'S THE HOLIDAYS
ME

hi eva. i just wanted you to know that you and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers. i hope you both feel better soon. take care my friend.

Thank you friend
I have to butt out and step aside
And to have such tiny family
Is one thing
But to be in conflict
And for my health
I will let her ex-husband
My brotherinlaw handle it
Again
Peace be with you
Love
Me

I have put up with so much in the last two close to three days
I am sick of the slew of persons I have had go deal with
I had it
Up to the point my results for bloodwork done to find out why my veins are swelling to the point of color changes
Something is causing this to happen
Why does it have to be so difficult
I'm sick of this
What's wrong with my body
What's making my veins swell and burst
I sick of the whole blanking thing
My kid is here to witness what happens
Know one knows
But IT is happening
Really scared
Waited four days for results
Doctor leaves message with daughter
Will call nothing found
Wi call Monday
Like that's just fine
Don't have faith in the doctors
Yet it's the best to have
This all sucks
Me

Dear eva,

There are few things worse than negative tests when something is presenting as wrong. Where does your Doctor expect you to go from here? Are there more tests, or is he out of ideas? Surely, the next step is to see a Specialist of some sort - he must have an idea which Branch of Medicine to refer to.

I am the worst person to give this advice, being that I have positive liver tests with no reason yet, but do try to stay calm and try not to worry. The answers will be found, the right questions just need to be asked.

Dave.

dear Dave

i do everything expected
and i have no where stand
i am frightened
and it is so non concerning
what do they care
what if it could happen in my brain
my lungs
who's to say
i feel left in the dust
no reason to get back to me as promised
you get the picture
you hang in