Well you have custody for a good reason, sounds like it's time to really limit visitations and then only under supervision with a qualified counsellor and subject to drug & alcohol testing before they see her. If unclean, then no visit. You do right by her Eva, this we know. Sending you positive thoughts and virtual hugs

With my entire being
As much as this pain is affecting me
To the point when you truly just want to end it
I can't
My life is not in my own hands
But Heavenly Father
I just have to keep reminding myself
With the support of persons like yourself and many others
Never ever did I think the latter part of this ones life has changed so drastically
I truly am alone having to do things
My youngest has changed not for the better
But much like the mother of Eva
Pushing me around
How am I suppose to take something that is not in my control
There is this last little one I need to keep my head together
Nobody in my immidate family as they are not interested with the need for just a little help
Just a little help
Nowhere to be found
What hurts is I want to cave
And I can't
I carried my last child to date
And all that happens is I want
I want I want
And I won't give anything anymore
Let her understand all the little things I do
And she is so mean to me right now and I have to hold on
Hold on oh so tight
Me

It was is still a painful feeling I'm going through
Naught Corissa a pool membership for our pool we go to
for her birthday
We got up
After the laundry was washed but not dried
My OCD
SUCKS
SO promised Eva we would go to the pool
Couldn't do anything about drying cloths
Card broken
It's the weekend
My last for or five days or who really knows
Corissa opted out
And oh God
When she said to me you can handle it
I shut down
Won't be seeing her tonight I'm sure
Her keys here
She got up and took a shower
Cause I told her I don't trust her
And ask why she did not want to come I promised
And I need to get the things I can't do alone
And she took a shower walked out without saying goodbye
I put towels in the bag
Brought a Barbie threat can go in the water
It was the only thing I could carry
Have no small cart
And was in so much pain the entire
My chair was home
Had to sit on a metal bench
Or sat at the side of the pool
And I just cried so hard inside

Have you ever done that
Every muscle in you body including my eyeballs hurt
With pain and utter sorrow
We left after 2 1/2 hrs

I cried felt things I hated to have to feel and go through
It ducks big time

Took her to drive through Wendy
For her FF
Me

I have no words of comfort Eva, only solidarity. I cry inside every day, I push my body beyond its limits. I said yesterday I could die and no one would know. No one comes to check on me. I fall over and lay there until I can get up, no one responds to my cries for help. We've been dealt a crappy hand we have, we share our lives with narcissistic or centred people. In their minds we are here to serve. My entire family, I'm the afterthought if thought of at all. My husband, only focussed on his journey.
Example
Friday I see a man in the park across the road behaving strangely, laying flat on the ground seeming to have his head tilted towards the play equipment where 7 or more of our young neighbourhood children are playing. I've never seen this man. I ask DB to come look, he does begrudgingly, says it's a man lying in the park nothing wrong with that & walks away. Uhm - it's not, it's winter, there is no sun, it's 5pm, the grass will be wet. I see the mans hand move, I know what he's doing. I grab one of the dogs and march to the park, I'm in pain but I go to the children, ask if ok, they say he's been lying there watching them for a long time, just lying flat on his back. As I approach his legs & hips moving, he hasn't seen me coming. Suddenly a loud bang of a neighbour door sounds out, his attention bought back to surroundings, sees me heading for him with dog and up n runs away. I go back to children whose mother has arrived, she thanks me profusely. We've never had stranger danger in our park but it seems to have arrived as she tells me he's been seen a few times lately. We report it to police. I'm outside for a very long time, go back in. DB not even noticed I've gone. I say nothing. Saturday he's arguing with me, I've groaned once to often as I stand from sitting. Says I'm being melodramatic, like yesterday the man in the park doing nothing. I laugh, show him the police report with the neighbouring witnesses. Tell him to take his head out of his backside and smell the roses as he's talking shite & walked away. DB was contrite for rest of yesterday evening.

One word PamelaJune
Exactly
Parallel in many ways
And I know it's me who needs to work even harder and I don't know what to do with this utter horrible hurt
But hold on
I hear you and concur
In everyway
And we are who we are
Good kind ready to help if asked
A shoulder to lean on my trust my dedication
And I must remind myself
May this be my last chance with Eva happy that she is so loving smart companionate I wish we could get a tiny dog
She would benefit and get the unconditional love and physical comfort of an animal who's heart pitter patter when it sees her
But I cannot afford or take on the responsibilities that come with bringing in a family member like such
I asked the doctor to write up a note
It would allowed for depression and such
But he was looking out for my physical well being as it is work
Our last family member was trained by me to go in a piddle box
Like a cat
But it is much work on top of taking care of this precious child
She had such a good time
I make a promise and try never to break them
Not that i play a dollar for a lottery ticket
all I would want is to have a full body massage in the morning and again before bed
Just the thought of that
I hope kindness comes your way as you too are dealing with the same
Hugs for you
And hugs for me
You wonderful lady
Thank you for the wise words
It means much at this this time
Love
Me

Ah and that's why we don't. Both our lives been touched by it, yours your father, mine my fiancé. We are stoic dear Eva. Hang on, gods plan is in place he knows what we do and why we do. It's why we endure.

Eva, In today's paper where I live, you are not alone, I wonder if you can access some help like these women seem to have been able to do?

Perth grandparents looking after grandchildren from drug-addicted or mentally ill parents | Perth Now

thank you
So many of us I had no clue it is this wide spread
What's happening to this world
Again on such a difficult
And as reluctant I am to share I must
I must have the support in any way I can get it
This article as hard it was to read
It was a relief in a good way
You gave me that today
Something I believe is coming form an even higher place through you
May your heart feel joy
Knowing you make a difference
Calm assured you are special
From a friend to another

I suspected she wasn't going to come home
Having a week from hell
Trying to integrate some family
Mother her in the beginning
Going to meetings
Taking
Rather hanging on Corissa
Not that she couldn't use one herself
Went nuts on Wednesday
Then my youngest comes home saying she was traumatized
Sorry if I wasn't in the comforting mood
As I am tired of them crapping on me
Again faith is what I'm hanging on here
Really now
Traumatized
How many times have you seen her in that state
I barked back
And what am I suppose to do about it anyhow
A revolving door I cannot have in the delicate situation that is at my doorstep
A mother who truly is nuts
And I mean that literally
It's one thing to have the genetic problems
And fries her brain with that stuff

Now here is the worse of all
Saturday morning a day I hoped we a family Eva only knows
And now on a rocky point because of her
Rather take responsibility of her life
Return back to school and finish
Something she said she was ready to do
Using all hurtful lies of excuses
About not going to work
Even part time
And what infuriates me
It is so little I ask
So little
That she cannot say it be the reason she doesn't have a life
She hasn't done her laundry in about a month
I will leave it at that
But when she takes Eva to school
She wakes with the phone in her hand
Dosnt like making her lunch
And have learned twice recently she went to school without lunch
Heartbroken
Corissa was catered to like a princess
Cheese omelette with bacon toast
her favorite apple peeled sliced thin(Granny Smith) orange juice
Not to mention the lunches I sent her off with
An extra one as they would eat her lunch
I tell her how can you forget
I cannot understand what is so hard in the things like taking her to school with an Uber
How much easier can that be
It's become the waking up going on phone
Sit down while I get Eva dressed do her hair
What it takes to send her off looking prepared for the day

Ready
Never came home
I had to drive her to school
Not an easy thing with all the bump humps on the road to keep one from speeding
So difficult on my body
I take my meds between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning
Just cannot get over all of this
Having to now drive her to school
Oh because I don't bleed
This i get
I have my cross to carry
Not complain about it
I just hurts so badly on every conceivable level
And am numb
Numb
Took off
Where is she
Is she alive
Me

Trying very hard not to use the word YOU
does anybody understand this
Can anybody understand this
As my cross is heavier
It is mine
To not beg is not my pride
As I would hope when someone asks me and I tell them they hear me
No I'm not okay
Something is going on with my body doctors are perplexed at what happens to my hands and feet
Black and blue
I had to do so much with the wet white loaf
I needed to get a new card from office
After bring her home bathing her down to freshen her up
Then to do that wet load
To come up make pasta for her
Fold the laundry
Get things ready for the morning
Brutal
Just brutal
I WILL CARRY MY CROSS
I WILL TAKE CARE OF EVA
AND SHE Will remember
I was never not here for her
Never for a moment have I not been able to see
I am constant in her life

Writing to Corissa and reminding her that this is not how a grown up behaves
And that I will not beg for something that is obvious if one hears and see
I can't do the things my body does
I will carry my Cross