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06-10-2017, 08:43 AM | #471 | |||
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Well you have custody for a good reason, sounds like it's time to really limit visitations and then only under supervision with a qualified counsellor and subject to drug & alcohol testing before they see her. If unclean, then no visit. You do right by her Eva, this we know. Sending you positive thoughts and virtual hugs
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion |
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"Thanks for this!" says: | eva5667faliure (06-10-2017), RSD ME (06-11-2017) |
06-10-2017, 08:57 AM | #472 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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With my entire being
As much as this pain is affecting me To the point when you truly just want to end it I can't My life is not in my own hands But Heavenly Father I just have to keep reminding myself With the support of persons like yourself and many others Never ever did I think the latter part of this ones life has changed so drastically I truly am alone having to do things My youngest has changed not for the better But much like the mother of Eva Pushing me around How am I suppose to take something that is not in my control There is this last little one I need to keep my head together Nobody in my immidate family as they are not interested with the need for just a little help Just a little help Nowhere to be found What hurts is I want to cave And I can't I carried my last child to date And all that happens is I want I want I want And I won't give anything anymore Let her understand all the little things I do And she is so mean to me right now and I have to hold on Hold on oh so tight Me
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (06-10-2017), RSD ME (06-11-2017) |
06-10-2017, 03:17 PM | #473 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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It was is still a painful feeling I'm going through
Naught Corissa a pool membership for our pool we go to for her birthday We got up After the laundry was washed but not dried My OCD SUCKS SO promised Eva we would go to the pool Couldn't do anything about drying cloths Card broken It's the weekend My last for or five days or who really knows Corissa opted out And oh God When she said to me you can handle it I shut down Won't be seeing her tonight I'm sure Her keys here She got up and took a shower Cause I told her I don't trust her And ask why she did not want to come I promised And I need to get the things I can't do alone And she took a shower walked out without saying goodbye I put towels in the bag Brought a Barbie threat can go in the water It was the only thing I could carry Have no small cart And was in so much pain the entire My chair was home Had to sit on a metal bench Or sat at the side of the pool And I just cried so hard inside Have you ever done that Every muscle in you body including my eyeballs hurt With pain and utter sorrow We left after 2 1/2 hrs I cried felt things I hated to have to feel and go through It ducks big time Took her to drive through Wendy For her FF Me
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06-10-2017, 07:13 PM | #474 | |||
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I have no words of comfort Eva, only solidarity. I cry inside every day, I push my body beyond its limits. I said yesterday I could die and no one would know. No one comes to check on me. I fall over and lay there until I can get up, no one responds to my cries for help. We've been dealt a crappy hand we have, we share our lives with narcissistic or centred people. In their minds we are here to serve. My entire family, I'm the afterthought if thought of at all. My husband, only focussed on his journey.
Example Friday I see a man in the park across the road behaving strangely, laying flat on the ground seeming to have his head tilted towards the play equipment where 7 or more of our young neighbourhood children are playing. I've never seen this man. I ask DB to come look, he does begrudgingly, says it's a man lying in the park nothing wrong with that & walks away. Uhm - it's not, it's winter, there is no sun, it's 5pm, the grass will be wet. I see the mans hand move, I know what he's doing. I grab one of the dogs and march to the park, I'm in pain but I go to the children, ask if ok, they say he's been lying there watching them for a long time, just lying flat on his back. As I approach his legs & hips moving, he hasn't seen me coming. Suddenly a loud bang of a neighbour door sounds out, his attention bought back to surroundings, sees me heading for him with dog and up n runs away. I go back to children whose mother has arrived, she thanks me profusely. We've never had stranger danger in our park but it seems to have arrived as she tells me he's been seen a few times lately. We report it to police. I'm outside for a very long time, go back in. DB not even noticed I've gone. I say nothing. Saturday he's arguing with me, I've groaned once to often as I stand from sitting. Says I'm being melodramatic, like yesterday the man in the park doing nothing. I laugh, show him the police report with the neighbouring witnesses. Tell him to take his head out of his backside and smell the roses as he's talking shite & walked away. DB was contrite for rest of yesterday evening. Quote:
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06-10-2017, 08:09 PM | #475 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
Exactly Parallel in many ways And I know it's me who needs to work even harder and I don't know what to do with this utter horrible hurt But hold on I hear you and concur In everyway And we are who we are Good kind ready to help if asked A shoulder to lean on my trust my dedication And I must remind myself May this be my last chance with Eva happy that she is so loving smart companionate I wish we could get a tiny dog She would benefit and get the unconditional love and physical comfort of an animal who's heart pitter patter when it sees her But I cannot afford or take on the responsibilities that come with bringing in a family member like such I asked the doctor to write up a note It would allowed for depression and such But he was looking out for my physical well being as it is work Our last family member was trained by me to go in a piddle box Like a cat But it is much work on top of taking care of this precious child She had such a good time I make a promise and try never to break them Not that i play a dollar for a lottery ticket all I would want is to have a full body massage in the morning and again before bed Just the thought of that I hope kindness comes your way as you too are dealing with the same Hugs for you And hugs for me You wonderful lady Thank you for the wise words It means much at this this time Love Me
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06-10-2017, 10:25 PM | #476 | |||
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Senior Member
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Ah and that's why we don't. Both our lives been touched by it, yours your father, mine my fiancé. We are stoic dear Eva. Hang on, gods plan is in place he knows what we do and why we do. It's why we endure.
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06-11-2017, 07:55 AM | #477 | |||
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Senior Member
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Eva, In today's paper where I live, you are not alone, I wonder if you can access some help like these women seem to have been able to do?
Perth grandparents looking after grandchildren from drug-addicted or mentally ill parents | Perth Now
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I can still remember what life was like before pain became my life long companion |
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06-11-2017, 08:25 AM | #478 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Quote:
So many of us I had no clue it is this wide spread What's happening to this world Again on such a difficult And as reluctant I am to share I must I must have the support in any way I can get it This article as hard it was to read It was a relief in a good way You gave me that today Something I believe is coming form an even higher place through you May your heart feel joy Knowing you make a difference Calm assured you are special From a friend to another
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06-12-2017, 09:10 AM | #479 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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I suspected she wasn't going to come home
Having a week from hell Trying to integrate some family Mother her in the beginning Going to meetings Taking Rather hanging on Corissa Not that she couldn't use one herself Went nuts on Wednesday Then my youngest comes home saying she was traumatized Sorry if I wasn't in the comforting mood As I am tired of them crapping on me Again faith is what I'm hanging on here Really now Traumatized How many times have you seen her in that state I barked back And what am I suppose to do about it anyhow A revolving door I cannot have in the delicate situation that is at my doorstep A mother who truly is nuts And I mean that literally It's one thing to have the genetic problems And fries her brain with that stuff Now here is the worse of all Saturday morning a day I hoped we a family Eva only knows And now on a rocky point because of her Rather take responsibility of her life Return back to school and finish Something she said she was ready to do Using all hurtful lies of excuses About not going to work Even part time And what infuriates me It is so little I ask So little That she cannot say it be the reason she doesn't have a life She hasn't done her laundry in about a month I will leave it at that But when she takes Eva to school She wakes with the phone in her hand Dosnt like making her lunch And have learned twice recently she went to school without lunch Heartbroken Corissa was catered to like a princess Cheese omelette with bacon toast her favorite apple peeled sliced thin(Granny Smith) orange juice Not to mention the lunches I sent her off with An extra one as they would eat her lunch I tell her how can you forget I cannot understand what is so hard in the things like taking her to school with an Uber How much easier can that be It's become the waking up going on phone Sit down while I get Eva dressed do her hair What it takes to send her off looking prepared for the day Ready Never came home I had to drive her to school Not an easy thing with all the bump humps on the road to keep one from speeding So difficult on my body I take my meds between 6:30 and 7:00 in the morning Just cannot get over all of this Having to now drive her to school Oh because I don't bleed This i get I have my cross to carry Not complain about it I just hurts so badly on every conceivable level And am numb Numb Took off Where is she Is she alive Me
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06-13-2017, 08:55 AM | #480 | |||
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Grand Magnate
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Trying very hard not to use the word YOU
does anybody understand this Can anybody understand this As my cross is heavier It is mine To not beg is not my pride As I would hope when someone asks me and I tell them they hear me No I'm not okay Something is going on with my body doctors are perplexed at what happens to my hands and feet Black and blue I had to do so much with the wet white loaf I needed to get a new card from office After bring her home bathing her down to freshen her up Then to do that wet load To come up make pasta for her Fold the laundry Get things ready for the morning Brutal Just brutal I WILL CARRY MY CROSS I WILL TAKE CARE OF EVA AND SHE Will remember I was never not here for her Never for a moment have I not been able to see I am constant in her life Writing to Corissa and reminding her that this is not how a grown up behaves And that I will not beg for something that is obvious if one hears and see I can't do the things my body does I will carry my Cross
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"Thanks for this!" says: | PamelaJune (06-13-2017), RSD ME (06-14-2017) |
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