And here comes the added stress
Which in turn is deeper depression
What more do I force myself to do in the hope She start one of the three things that are a must Just one of the three A change only for the better Only for the better Would be such a good feeling And I have to push her I must She would sleep and find excuse after excuses after excuses No Won't let it happen without a fight A prayer hope and faith We start somewhere Me |
I cannot let her stay in bed
A direct indicitation of depression
She will not do anything It's embarrassing she does not want to do her laundry Today she does it I don't give a s**t She is found her laundry Period I'm disgusted how her hygiene has gotten It sicken me She has a problem One step at a time One step at a time She has to do her laundry Period Period Period Getting it at the door Now Me |
Quote:
Heartbreaking; God knows all things..... Prayers for you and family, Gerry |
Hugs to you Eva.
|
The same I say
As I put it out there
God as you are the only one who know the truth Amen |
Enough checking myself
I supply the detergent
The bleach The softener The money to do the three loads And to dry the three loads And I have to get lip As she got me so angry She knew she better do the crap I am so upset Letting myself get that angry But all her clothes are dirty You bet she got her butt up But made me so angry Could have done without that and mot Thank you mom Me |
Had a crappy day
Nobody ghat matters in my life is honest And that really bothers me It was crappy but what's important Eva had a good day Me |
And the beat goes on
I didn't know yo account ate someone
Is not a good deed I am being judged as Adults who act like children who's children The loves of my life And is meant to have fun and no worries Are taking and invading even more of your space I didn't know I had to explain to someone who's language I understand and know when aren't welcomed And accepting everything today as acceptable No it isn't There are rules for a reason I did not make them the law schools place where you live if not yours even then you must comply with zoning rules I am sick and tired where my kindness is mistaken for stupid take advantage And when it comes to my family advantage they are I haven't heard from my middle sister in I don't know how long And you know The usual as if I am the one in the end of their desperate times do I hear from them And I listen and I tell them I won't kill my self so you can't either I'll be here as long as I breath I pray Heavenly Father will not let it hurt when my time comes I know it could hurt a heck of a lot more I don't feel like making an appointment with the vascular doctor My neck head shoulders hurt so badly Things are changing Not for the better being on my side most of the hours in a day Don't get me wrong all that has to be done gets done if I can but most times I'm in my bed As it hurts to hold my head on my body Actually just below the cut on my back right under it across my back The pinching the charge goes up into my brain into my eyeballs everything about my head gets a jolt And my hands if I could only post a picture I did not do it you would see what I'm talking about I'm being judged by my child of not being nice That I'm mean I wish I could let loose sometimes But screaming get me more pai and nowhere It is hurtful not to have support without it being bothersome As if I were a problem I would love to be dotted on once in a while Not to hurt is my second wish To listen to Heavenly Father And let all of it go And just live knowing what it is to be like when serenity sets in I listen to the radio A station with songs I grew up with I'm 56 Mass was on at 5:30 For the second week in a row the priest put his political ideology out That was not his job as a catholic To hear the word of our Father was his job I was appalled changed the station and listened to baptist service Jeez does that now make me a mean person What is it that honestly good is taught My grandchild sat played with her toys Then to watch a few children just have no control around others As they took a little girls toys who came with her dad And he walked over to this annoying bunch of people drinking loud Started picking up his childs toys they made their own I get sand kicked in my face by an adult Turned and said "Are you doing this on purpose" And that was all it took I'm sickened with how my child was encouraged by such behavior Thought they weren't out of control It frightens me what she is attracted to Gone she asked me if she was ever man handled by a police officer I was numb Couldn't believe what I was hearing Heartbroken I was Just heartbroken Today I call upon the angels Heavenly Father hold me up to your standards That be a decent human being No I may be misunderstood But am a good loving mother grandmother friend lover animal lover All I look for is honesty Not my honesty It is hard to come by And I am so not perfect as I am human I work at what needs to be done It's another day Don't want to be in it It's how I feel And have someone who needs me Got to do what I can I'm I good person Me |
Leaving a message
Never will I be accused of not telling it like it is
Sure it comes out of my mouth so I would automatically i is my opinion Not the truth So I wrote both and clearly expressed I I am in my own hole digging my way out thT I let happen to me I am tired of the one who cannot really tell it like it is I don't want to be the one they come toand that's ON ME no body else ON ME telling those who already know what means most and it not be understood leaves me lonely I will not stand for what is just allowed in today's world For my grandchilds mother tell me My youngest is pushing the envelope how she dresses and why aren't I doing anything about it Then I needed to remind her of my three then so close in age and when she was born and watched her personality reguardless 1or 2 parent household there is a thing called self respect And a placece for everything and leave it at that And honest I ask her to be so I know what the future may have in store A few doctors she needs to see She hasn't seen the orthodontist and because her father pays for it That was a struggle But I got him to comit to Now after taking it to help regulate hormones it is only thought of I won't get pregnant OMG just to think how it is she is living in her head It is so frustrating Attracting the one she had unprotected sex with everyday no protection And said I didn't miss taking my pill Don't worry She needs to see a few doctors I cannot do it for her I'm so relieved I had the inoculation to help not contract certain deadly diseases And just love that commercial that lay a guilt driven message that ticks me off It goes something like the "Did you know about it mom? Dad? Really What about the parents who think the relationship between us is not fake And we are the ones who is blamed "Did you know about it Mom? Dad? Really Many parents don't know themselves So I'm awake I make perfect sense And she missed her yesterday's pill Does it get understood And I'm so not that mom who mine was to me My sister before me says She felt better st the end of our conversation She is worried how she will come up with $5,000.00 by end of this month so my nephew the only other child I this family a year older than my youngest no real relationship So my child home says mom I am not heterosexual I am gay as I truly believe and it is okay as it is the real person in and out Or am I misunderstood Wrote them both I apologize for nothing I am dissipointed and aren't going anywhere I feel good God is good Having a hard time getting air out Gonna relax and pray on it for I need to feel the freedom promised I am my own slave Me |
Now my sister
Researching how to knot a noose
I tell no lies It one thing after another After another After another No problem Dust saying Won't do it and every single one Needs me "Please don't leave us Eva" "It's always been you who took care of us" "When I forget how we gave ourselves fun all I have to do is call you, you remember so much" she tells me again if I don't tell you "I always loved you and knew you were always there for me" "Okay so if I have to stick around for you You need to do the same" Deals heck of a morning woke at 5:00 AM Me |
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