Which in turn is deeper depression
What more do I force myself to do in the hope
She start one of the three things that are a must
Just one of the three
A change only for the better
Only for the better
Would be such a good feeling
And I have to push her
I must
She would sleep and find excuse after excuses after excuses
No
Won't let it happen without a fight
A prayer hope and faith
We start somewhere
Me

A direct indicitation of depression
She will not do anything
It's embarrassing she does not want to do her laundry
Today she does it I don't give a s**t
She is found her laundry
Period
I'm disgusted how her hygiene has gotten
It sicken me
She has a problem
One step at a time
One step at a time
She has to do her laundry
Period
Period
Period
Getting it at the door
Now
Me

Heartbreaking;
God knows all things.....
Prayers for you and family,

Gerry

Hugs to you Eva.

As I put it out there
God as you are the only one who know the truth
Amen

I supply the detergent
The bleach
The softener
The money to do the three loads
And to dry the three loads
And I have to get lip
As she got me so angry
She knew she better do the crap
I am so upset
Letting myself get that angry
But all her clothes are dirty
You bet she got her butt up
But made me so angry
Could have done without that and mot
Thank you mom
Me

Had a crappy day
Nobody ghat matters in my life is honest
And that really bothers me
It was crappy but what's important Eva had a good day
Me

I didn't know yo account ate someone
Is not a good deed
I am being judged as
Adults who act like children who's children
The loves of my life
And is meant to have fun and no worries
Are taking and invading even more of your space
I didn't know I had to explain to someone who's language I understand and know when aren't welcomed
And accepting everything today as acceptable
No it isn't
There are rules for a reason
I did not make them the law schools place where you live if not yours even then you must comply with zoning rules
I am sick and tired where my kindness is mistaken for stupid take advantage
And when it comes to my family advantage they are
I haven't heard from my middle sister in I don't know how long
And you know
The usual as if I am the one in the end of their desperate times do I hear from them
And I listen and I tell them I won't kill my self so you can't either
I'll be here as long as I breath
I pray Heavenly Father will not let it hurt when my time comes
I know it could hurt a heck of a lot more
I don't feel like making an appointment with the vascular doctor
My neck head shoulders hurt so badly
Things are changing
Not for the better being on my side most of the hours in a day
Don't get me wrong all that has to be done gets done if I can but most times I'm in my bed
As it hurts to hold my head on my body
Actually just below the cut on my back right under it across my back
The pinching the charge goes up into my brain into my eyeballs everything about my head gets a jolt
And my hands if I could only post a picture I did not do it you would see what I'm talking about
I'm being judged by my child of not being nice
That I'm mean
I wish I could let loose sometimes
But screaming get me more pai and nowhere
It is hurtful not to have support without it being bothersome
As if I were a problem
I would love to be dotted on once in a while
Not to hurt is my second wish
To listen to Heavenly Father
And let all of it go
And just live knowing what it is to be like when serenity sets in
I listen to the radio
A station with songs I grew up with I'm 56
Mass was on at 5:30
For the second week in a row the priest put his political ideology out
That was not his job as a catholic
To hear the word of our Father was his job
I was appalled changed the station and listened to baptist service
Jeez does that now make me a mean person
What is it that honestly good is taught
My grandchild sat played with her toys
Then to watch a few children just have no control around others
As they took a little girls toys who came with her dad
And he walked over to this annoying bunch of people drinking loud
Started picking up his childs toys they made their own
I get sand kicked in my face by an adult
Turned and said
"Are you doing this on purpose"
And that was all it took
I'm sickened with how my child was encouraged by such behavior
Thought they weren't out of control
It frightens me what she is attracted to
Gone she asked me if she was ever man handled by a police officer
I was numb
Couldn't believe what I was hearing
Heartbroken I was
Just heartbroken
Today I call upon the angels
Heavenly Father hold me up to your standards
That be a decent human being
No I may be misunderstood
But am a good loving mother grandmother friend lover animal lover
All I look for is honesty
Not my honesty
It is hard to come by
And I am so not perfect as I am human
I work at what needs to be done
It's another day
Don't want to be in it
It's how I feel
And have someone who needs me
Got to do what I can
I'm I good person
Me

Never will I be accused of not telling it like it is
Sure it comes out of my mouth so I would automatically i is my opinion
Not the truth
So I wrote both and clearly expressed I
I am in my own hole digging my way out thT I let happen to me
I am tired of the one who cannot really tell it like it is
I don't want to be the one they come toand that's ON ME
no body else
ON ME
telling those who already know what means most and it not be understood leaves me lonely
I will not stand for what is just allowed in today's world


For my grandchilds mother tell me My youngest is pushing the envelope how she dresses and why aren't I doing anything about it
Then I needed to remind her of my three then so close in age and when she was born and watched her personality reguardless 1or 2 parent household there is a thing called self respect
And a placece for everything and leave it at that
And honest I ask her to be so I know what the future may have in store
A few doctors she needs to see
She hasn't seen the orthodontist and because her father pays for it
That was a struggle
But I got him to comit to
Now after taking it to help regulate hormones it is only thought of I won't get pregnant
OMG just to think how it is she is living in her head
It is so frustrating
Attracting the one she had unprotected sex with everyday no protection
And said I didn't miss taking my pill
Don't worry
She needs to see a few doctors
I cannot do it for her
I'm so relieved I had the inoculation to help not contract certain deadly diseases
And just love that commercial that lay a guilt driven message that ticks me off
It goes something like the

"Did you know about it mom? Dad?
Really
What about the parents who think the relationship between us is not fake
And we are the ones who is blamed
"Did you know about it Mom? Dad?
Really
Many parents don't know themselves

So I'm awake
I make perfect sense
And she missed her yesterday's pill
Does it get understood
And I'm so not that mom who mine was to me
My sister before me says
She felt better st the end of our conversation
She is worried how she will come up with $5,000.00 by end of this month so my nephew the only other child I this family a year older than my youngest no real relationship
So my child home says mom I am not heterosexual
I am gay as I truly believe and it is okay as it is the real person in and out
Or am I misunderstood

Wrote them both
I apologize for nothing
I am dissipointed and aren't going anywhere
I feel good
God is good
Having a hard time getting air out
Gonna relax and pray on it for I need to feel the freedom promised
I am my own slave

Me

Researching how to knot a noose
I tell no lies
It one thing after another
After another
After another
No problem
Dust saying
Won't do it and every single one
Needs me
"Please don't leave us Eva"
"It's always been you who took care of us"
"When I forget how we gave ourselves fun all I have to do is call you, you remember so much"
she tells me again if I don't tell you
"I always loved you and knew you were always there for me"
"Okay so if I have to stick around for you
You need to do the same"
Deals heck of a morning woke at 5:00 AM
Me