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God knows and I pray It is not easy But I will till I drop Never ever could I imagine she would do harm to Her Praying 4:00 in the morning Cannot return back to sleep Another day Me |
Where to go from here
When she was delivering Eva it was just 2 weeks I had my second spine surgery
Hovering over her Holding my head up My body so broken And the judge seen with all I have custody Trying time and time again For mod and daughters to have moments to reaclimate herself with her child only not to follow through But she can make it to Coney Island and have a grand time with troubled father she is hooked on What else can I say So done So absolutely done Now to be questioned and her wanting what she wants under the current circumstances Never going to happen To see her fear that she will be taken I just want to deck her You all get what I'm saying We had a little time in the car before I walked her to the door I am broken-hearted Just broken She doesn't want to talk with her mom or father As she told the workers she doesn't want to go to their home It is the grandmothers apartment and they live with her Her son pushed his mother And Eva witnessed this I will not force her in anyway I goal is she be happy with NO WORRIES can you imagine a first grader Recognized to be gifted on a waiting list for the new school Loves school Kisses and told her Who's having a great day She says I am I say Why She says Cause nobody is gonna spoil my day This is how I send her off Every single day My family tiny No mother around She never was And my entire family is in Hungary ALL So alone in this I have Heavenly Father But a physical body Nope Only Corissa Me |
More to come
Took her favorite meal out
Made a huge pot of pasta sauce froze a bunch Yous is the best mimma How can I not Corissa on her way I'm at school waiting for the doors to open Got a call at lunch time Not feeling well Of course She's worrying herself Corissa and I will have a long conversation with her tonight She must be priority Mother somehow got through my cell Deleated her And before I did Told her your on your own After the unnecessarypain that will never be forgotten Goodbye Done Me |
A heart that got as heavy as it could
It hurts so badly
Everything So much more pain I just don't know how to move forward So much pain inside And have nobody Nobody to talk about this with But Heavenly Father I have a child who's love can erase all of the things I have to be grateful for Forgive us Father Forgive us Me |
You piece of turd
You better be taking care of your grandchildren
Who are living And the ones who didn't make it You make me sick today Sick I will never throw in the towel Like you did The only joy I have in my life My granddaughter My children My two sisters Nephew I let many go to do a job I wanted to take on They have been shorted in life by their fathers They abandoned them when they were babies Just to spite me They left them And As you robbed me of my natural process to becoming a young woman You violated me and my sister F****d us up As my baby sister had to see the gun you killed yourself with Today I wish I could have pulled the trigger Todays new pain is just to much Another reason why I hate you today You better be watching over them babies who never made it in this family You lowlife coward Do your F*****g job I did my best God forgive us and the terrible choices we make because we try to fill that void that ONLY YOU KNOW Only to suffer And suffer I gave up what only you know Father I could not be a father to my girls Nor not know how to be a father to my son I am sure you are pleased at most of my child rearing I feel good about the job I did But we all suffer "THAT VOID" And I know what it's like to dedicate my all Good bad or indifferent But as for my crappy father Make him work And take care of the babies that didn't make it in this family Me |
More than anyone should have to endure
All my life
I put my children first And now I put my granddaughter first And my child says I want her to myself Things have gotten so much worse as time goes on And I don't have any love to give her I don't want to feel anything for her anymore And I don't want her to hurt my granddaughter like she does Over and over and over again Broken hearted I am crushed to the core A mother and father have given me their child And so much time has passed She only wants to be happy Happy And the cruelness of my child is more than I could stand Me |
I am sorry you are being hurt like this. But I think your granddaughter is lucky to have you in her life. And I believe she will remember all the love you have given her. I always pray for you to have peace and joy. And though I am not able to type as much as I would like because of the pain I'm in, you are always in my thoughts. Hugs to you my friend.
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I have given up
I have given up on my children
I have given up on any help that could come from them My son told me today your gonna have to get over it and accept that you have to do it alone I told him no it doesn't have to be that way you all choose not to help I am letting go My sister will fight with me if must I have given up on them in everyway And will give all I can to take care of Eva alone Me |
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Any love I will take It is such a lonely feeling I must let them go and not concern myself with them They have no problem moving on What hurts that is not how I raised them I don't know what happened I just don't know With my love in return And may a miracle come our way Me |
Oh Eva, there it is, your children each still talk to one another. Your son knows the truth of it. I so wish I could help you, all I have are words and at present they're not very nice ones of the fruit of your loins.
But I can say; I can tell you, choose your sister: Tell your children you will never give up, but you are sad to say in blatant honesty that they have, you accept their choice made; they gave up yesterday, today & tomorrow with nary a thought to you or their future. We know, us both know, your children will always be your children, but maybe they need this jolt, this sideways action of you not resisting, just accepting, you choose life, they choose of their own making to not help & you are not going to fight it. Let them feel in a week or 2 when they need you, you're not there. See what happens then. Your thoughts are so focussed on problem after problem, child after child, look on this as a mini break from them & theres. So tired here, can't think coherently, chose your sister dear Eva, she will help I pray:hug: Quote:
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