EVA,
HAVE YOU MADE YOUR APPOINTMENT WITH GYNY?? HE NEEDS TO CHECK LUMP. NOT SURE IF YOU STILL GET MAMOGRAMS; BUT AS YOU ALREADY KNOW, LUMPS DO NEED TO BE LOOKED INTO. PLEASE DO NOT WAIT.


Gerry

i haven't yet
it's hard to get around
with the snow
and parking being a difficult
thing to do
and i do not want my car towed
and it cost a fortune to use a cab
Gerry the hurt doesn't stop
it just doesn't stop
and when i tell my sister
she cries
please don't leave us
but in this woman life
it never comes without a
painful fight never
i would love to have my life
to be told
it isn't fair

yes i still get mammograms
that will be coming right behind
will be using my medicare red white and blue card
my mammo done in local hospital

i will gt on it
love me

Dear Eve,
I repeat Gerry, get these lumps checked. I waited 3 years out of fear and self-denial.
It is all the harder when this Blight messes with our meds, more when our heart messes with the Chemo that can be given.
I am only clear 17 months, every bleed, every itch, every 'wrong' feeling brings my mind to the worst. That is what your Doctor is for, to make sure this is nothing and to get you on the right meds. Do not torture your mind waiting.
You need to be well to brighten our days with talk of good times, of little Eva's development.
Much love,

Dave.

FOREVER EVER YOUNG
LOVE
me

EVA,
NOW THAT'S A GOOD ATTITUDE;
SEE THE GYNY ASAP. PLESssssseee,
YOU ALSO HAD ANOTHER ISSUE YOU NEEDED
TO ADRESSS WITH THE GYNY AS WELL.


Gerry

my heavy heart
loss of my job
just a huge part of my identity
robbed as a child
as a young adult
now as i entering my mid fifties
with a brain that feels thirty five
funky but true
sad because so much wasted time
as i doted over my children
raised them
to the best of my ability
and did a awesome job
they just don't like me
sad
me

Dear Eva,
Children are cruel and heartless like that. Of my Step Children, one is distant and uncaring, one is the nastiest, most selfish person to her Mother and myself, the third is sweet and caring. They were all brought up the same by both of us. Ignore the spite, they need you more than you need them - try turning your back on one of them once when they come, pleading.
As to your brain being 35, mine is 23 in some things. I crave humour, have it on all the time. It doesn't make me happy, just takes the edge off the darkness. Comedy is a pleasant noise to block out thoughts. Live in your younger brain.
Always remember, whatever happens there, you are loved and appreciated here.

Dave.

Eva,
Sometimes we don't realized the repetition of the past can really be a turn off to our children. After a while they just don't want to hear it or deal with it any longer.

My mother, whom I loved very much, just could not let go of the past and never let me forget what she went thru. I ached for the relationship we could have had. Sad. I have to be careful myself not to go there with my children.

Dave mentioned comedy or uplifting thoughts. This can be good for us as well as those around us.

Sending love & prayers,

Gerry

dearest Dave
your beautiful
the words you put together for me is so on the money
i have very wonderful beautiful hearten people of such
overwhelming stories
those of us that suffer pain that brings me to those dark
places

it's one thing not to have a partner in life
but like yourself it hurts to be touched no more hugs
my granddaughter is the one that expresses empathy
in such a meaningful way

they have become cruel
but the cruel mouth off from my eldest
the one who had brain surgery and the ten years
of depression as we went through her epilepsy difficulties
my job to be there for her all my vacations days my personal sick days given to her over the ten years

her high school sweetheart exhibits early his lack of work desires
hanging on my daughters skirt and her SS benefits
they are living with the in laws apartment in his room as a kid
with my sick dog

i listened
i washed her body
i changed her bed sheets giving her three fitted hospital
sheets so she wouldn't sweat from the plastic hospital mattress
the nurses loved coming in the room it smelled so fresh 19 days
i slept in a chair

there were other hospital stays where if i weren't there
the two seizures while she was going to the bathroom
and because her seizures are all the same as far as the body
contorting her one leg would posture knee trying to reach chin
immediate fall

sure it was a job i had to help my child she was over the legal age but she wanted mommy
and mommy was there i made it happen
that you would have someone with you at all times

oh what did she blurt out after her last Skyline session
"it's your job you wanted to be a mother"
this is true

Dave you have managed to help me through a difficult day
it's her birthday
a tradition i started as they came into this world
i honored and would give them the recognition by calling them
each year the time they entered the world
today my child took that away from me
yes it was my decision not to pick up the phone
yet i'm told i shouldn't have had children

like i putting a note in their lunch box everyday
all through their lives they always had the comfort
of knowing i'll always be there

i need to be a little selfish
i am responsible for my happiness

and having words from loved ones here
is a good boost
a great boost

for your comforting words that wrap me
like that big flannel shirt my God wears

sending you a gentle and a day
for you and your life love

and to all a
me

If possible, might be of help if you were able to let go of dwelling what most of us do as a matter of being a responsible parent without need to go back into all we have done for them.

It does not occur to me to look back on what I have done for my children; what I do often concentrate on tho is caring about their health, jobs, etc. What I have done for them just does not come up. I brought them into this world. The love and care for them is automatic.

Just afraid all this darkens the depression you are going thru causing it to become even deeper.

I only mention all this because I care about you and your family. Sometimes we need to do our best to control the dwelling on all that sorrows.


Gerry